Sex

Boy: Yeah, I'm just really bad at putting big things into little things.
Girl: Oh… Was that supposed to be sexual?
Boy: Nah. If it was sexual I would have ended it with “bowchickabowwow” or something.

–1 Train

Ghetto girl to group of friends: And I was just like "Oh my god! No, she didn't! Not with that nose!"

–C Train

Guy: You could fry an egg on her stomach.

–Union Square Green Market

Overheard by: Confabulation Nation

Indian cougar: I just like the feeling of a nice hard young male body.

–Bowery St

Overheard by: Dj bj

Woman showing pictures on camera: And this is da one where I'm givin' him da deaf eyes…

–West Village

Overheard by: Cass

Woman on cell: Never once have I opened my legs to anyone… besides you.

–Downtown Brooklyn

Overheard by: Matt Martin

Teen to friend: They said it wouldn't be fair for me to fight her cause she ain't got no fingers.

–Outside Erasmus High School

Guy in bar: My ex-girlfriend from college is now on that reality show Rock of Love 2.
Group of friends: Wow, really?
Guy in bar: Yeah… I'm the reason she told Brett Michaels that she never had “all the way” sex.

–4th St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: BenRC

Girl #1: Hey, if you were dating someone new and then they told you on, like, the third date or whatever that they had genital herpes, would you continue dating them? I mean, like, would you sleep with someone like that?
Girl #2: I don't know. Maybe. I mean, I feel like a lot of people who have herpes don't even know it, so the fact that they told you probably means they're responsible enough to get checked, and they, like, know how to take care of it and everything. In a weird way you may be less likely to get it from them than from someone who never mentions herpes at all.
Girl #1: That's interesting. I think I could do it if, like, I saw myself marrying them. Cause then I wouldn't have to worry about getting it and giving it to someone else. We could just get married, be in love, and be happy together, and grow old with each other, and with herpes.
Girl #2, seriously: That's so romantic.

–American Apparel, Chelsea

Overheard by: Has a different definition of

Hip-hop dude #1: Dude! Her pussy is like the TARDIS on Doctor Who! So small and dainty on the outside, but roomy on the inside.
Hip-hop dude #2: Can it time-travel?

–Brooklyn

20-something girl: I feel sorta guilty for illegally downloading "We Are the World." What's that Haiti number? I should text them some money to clear my conscience.

–LIRR

Middle aged guy to female colleague: It's really good and all, but it's only after listening to the lyrics that I got a little worried. I mean all she kept saying was "I want your disease, I want your disease." What is that?

–6 Train

Overheard by: Kishan

FedEx guy: I'm looking for Phil Harmonic. He needs to sign for this.

–Avery Fisher Hall, Lincoln Center Plaza

Overheard by: Rob

Loud Angelina Jolie wannabe watching band: I love this band, their music is like making love… Am I right?

–Terminal 5

Overheard by: Dani Cakes

Guy with guitar to naive teens: Yeah, music is the only way we can fight our oppressive, totalitarian government.

–City College

Overheard by: Stephen

Gay guy, looking at girl dressed in princess costume: Look at that little girl. She looks so cute!
Gay friend: Yeah, she's really adorable.
Gay guy: If I had a daughter she would dress like that every day. She would wear that to school. (pause, looks at father) I would totally fuck her father.

–17th St & 9th Ave

Overheard by: Julie

Gossip girl #1: This isn't Europe! There are rules!
Gossip girl #2: Yeah, you can't just go sleeping with someone else's boyfriend!

–Bryant Park

Little girl: Mommy, why were you and daddy fighting under the covers today? Were you playing cards?
Mother: That is exactly what we were doing.

–JFK Terminal

Overheard by: Woman who sat in front of her

Guy on cell: Well, I love you. Hit that little Jewish kid in the back of the head, and I love you.

–St. Mark's

Guy to girl: Yeah, yeah, totally. I love turning nouns into verbs.

–Grahm Ave & Conseleya

Overheard by: Minna

Girlfriend to boyfriend: I love it when you goat me.

–95th St & Broadway

Overheard by: John

Staples manager to coworker: I love these staples!

–Staples Store

Overheard by: venniblue

Guy to girlfriend: Reacharound equals love.

–11th St & 3rd Ave