Wednesday One-Liner Can Be Made Of Ivory, Glass, Rubber and Sometimes Wood

Loud girl to friend: How the hell do you lose your vibrator?

–4th St & 2nd Ave

Guy on cell: Yeah, I'm just waiting in line at Whole Foods. Still want me to bring the dildo over?

–Whole Foods

Gay man to boyfriend: I'm glad we could come here and show your coworkers that we really do buy lube for our sexual adventures.

–The Leather Man

Overheard by: i don't go to sex shops with my boyfriend

Creepy older man on phone: Someone should really dildo her.

–5th Ave & 58th St.

Overheard by: Courtney

Girl, loudly: Why didn't you tell me you bought lube?!

–Crowded NYU Elevator

Overheard by: S

Large woman to group of friends: And if someone asks a question, I just wave a dildo in front of their eyes!

–Brooklyn Museum

Overheard by: Liat

Posted on November 4, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Boyfriends, Brooklyn, Creepsters, Dildos and Vibrators, Elevators, Fat People, Friends, Girls, Guys, Lube, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, More museums, NYU, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Queer guys, Questions, Sex, Shopping, Store, Street, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Whole Foods, Wishes & desires, Women

But I've Had This Hoboner for More Than Four Hours

Hobo: Yo, boy! Can I ask you something for a minute?
Teenage boy, walking quickly: I'm sorry, I'm in a rush.
Hobo: Bitch, it's not like I wanna fuck you or anything!

–Barrow St

Overheard by: Poky

Posted on November 3, 2009
Apologies, Hobos, Insults, Offers and requests, Sex, Teens, West Village

Why Metrosexuals Exist.

Girl #1: Oh my god, he was so hot.
Girl #2: I know, I'd totally fuck him if he were gay.

–Midtown

Posted on November 1, 2009
Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Sex, Wishes & desires

…With Your Mom

Father: Well, to really make it moist you gotta shove it in there.
Son: That's what she said!
Father: How 'bout you go back to the kids table?
Son: Yes, sir.

–Peter Luger Restaurant

Posted on October 31, 2009
Dads, Kids, Parents, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Vagina

Wednesday One-Liners Were “Working Late”

Girl on phone: I'm so sick of this! He keeps making excuses not to see me! I feel like I'm being used! (pause) No, really. (pause) I just can't deal anymore! We only hang out when he wants sex! (pause) And his excuses! Ohmigod! They are getting so lame. (pause) If it's not his work or boss, it's his nanny or his wife or his kid. (pause) I mean… what's his deal?

–Broadway & 20th St

Overheard by: Cali in NYC

Hispanic woman: And meanwhile the husband is in fucking Iraq, and she cheats on him with the UPS guy! What can brown do for you!

–7th Ave, Park Slope

Suit on cell: The love, the dirty sex, and the money… It's all going so well, and yet so sneaky. (hangs up, then dials another number) Mary, I think he's finding out… (pause) It's not my fault I am fucking my best friend's wife.

–79th St & Madison

Overheard by: Anna

Girl yapping on cell: It was amazing. I mean, I looked hot. (pause) Yes, I wore the naked dress. He took one look at me and had the "Uh-oh, can't control myself" expression. (pause) No, girl, his fucking wife is in town! I mean, whatever.

–51st St & Lexington Ave

Woman: He cheated… On JDate!

–26th & 8th

Posted on October 28, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Dating, Friendship, Girls, Gripes, Infidelity, Insults, Internet, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Latinos, Lies, Love, Marriage, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, On Cell, One-liners, Park Slope, Sex, Street, Suits, Upper East Side, War, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Though the Crabs Kinda Do Have His Eyes…

Girl #1: Getting knocked up is totally not the worst thing that can happen to you when you're sexually active.
Girl #2: For sure. I wish I was growing a little Bradley, instead of whatever it is I have brewing down here.

–Morningside Heights

Posted on October 25, 2009
Babies, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Sex, STDs

Now What If You're Looking at an Apple Pie?

Man preaching from bible: If you look at a woman that's not your wife and want to have sex with her, that's fornication!
Skater kid: Damn straight!

–Union Square

Posted on October 24, 2009
Infidelity, Kids, Preachers, Religion, Sex, Skaters, Union Square and East Village, Wishes & desires

I'd Have to Know Your Name First

Guy to girl: Just because I slept with you doesn't mean we get to be Facebook friends!
Girl, in Southern accent: Oh, shoot!

–14 St & Ave B

Overheard by: Obducomiapint

Posted on October 18, 2009
Alphabet City, Facebook, Friendship, Girls, Guys, Sex

Not in the Face, Wednesday One-Liner!

Man on phone: Wait, so she bit you? Dude! Wait, what? She punched you? Oh, you went to punch her? Dude, you punched her?

–Penn Station

Too young for final stage alcoholism guy: I totally held my own. I knocked the girl out and fucked the guy up.

–10th St & Ave A

Gangster: Next time I see him, I'ma kick him in his good leg.

–Uptown F Train

Softball-player-looking girl to friends: If you ever wear a tiara at your wedding, I'm going to punch you in the face.

–Wagner Park

Overheard by: mclaire

Young mother to others: Yeah, but you hafta be careful. You can't just hit your kids in public.

–Rivington & Essex

Overheard by: verbal abuse ftw!

Boyfriend to girlfriend: But if I punch you in the throat you will stop breathing.

–SoHo

Teen girl: Did you see that? I almost punched Ira's glass in the chest! That was awesome!

–AMC Theater, 19th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Katie

Posted on October 14, 2009
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Body Parts, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Couples, Drunks, Fighting and ass kicking, Friends, Gangstas, Girls, Guys, Kick, Kids, Lower East Side, Marriage, Men, Moms, Movie Theaters, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Parks, Penn Station, Punch, Questions, S&M, Sex, Soho, Street, Teens, Threats, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liner, Dearest

Girl on cell: And you're leaving with a butthole the size of a pancake your mom cooked! (pause) You don't want that.

–33rd & 6th

Overheard by: Gaunt

Ghetto fabulous teen boy: So I said, "What? Did you say you wanna fuck my motha'? Well I'm gonna fuck yo brotha!"

–34th & 6th

Overheard by: Fiona

Woman outside store to a child speaking to her mother: What do you mean you don't like her? That's your mother, man!

–125th & Park Ave

Woman on phone: Hello? Yeah, how are you? (pause) So I didn't really deal with my mother's death because I wasn't sober then.

–Starbucks

Overheard by: Laura

Man: Speaking of mother's graves, I want my urn back.

–13th & Ave A

Overheard by: erkala

Posted on October 7, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Asshole, Backdoor, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Death, Drinking & Drunk People, Food, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Kids, Men, Moms, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Questions, Sex, Starbucks, Street, Teens, Threats, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Sex

But I've Had This Hoboner for More Than Four Hours