Not in the Face, Wednesday One-Liner!

Man on phone: Wait, so she bit you? Dude! Wait, what? She punched you? Oh, you went to punch her? Dude, you punched her?

–Penn Station

Too young for final stage alcoholism guy: I totally held my own. I knocked the girl out and fucked the guy up.

–10th St & Ave A

Gangster: Next time I see him, I'ma kick him in his good leg.

–Uptown F Train

Softball-player-looking girl to friends: If you ever wear a tiara at your wedding, I'm going to punch you in the face.

–Wagner Park

Overheard by: mclaire

Young mother to others: Yeah, but you hafta be careful. You can't just hit your kids in public.

–Rivington & Essex

Overheard by: verbal abuse ftw!

Boyfriend to girlfriend: But if I punch you in the throat you will stop breathing.

–SoHo

Teen girl: Did you see that? I almost punched Ira's glass in the chest! That was awesome!

–AMC Theater, 19th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Katie

Posted on October 14, 2009
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Body Parts, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Couples, Drunks, Fighting and ass kicking, Friends, Gangstas, Girls, Guys, Kick, Kids, Lower East Side, Marriage, Men, Moms, Movie Theaters, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Parks, Penn Station, Punch, Questions, S&M, Sex, Soho, Street, Teens, Threats, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liner, Dearest

Girl on cell: And you're leaving with a butthole the size of a pancake your mom cooked! (pause) You don't want that.

–33rd & 6th

Overheard by: Gaunt

Ghetto fabulous teen boy: So I said, "What? Did you say you wanna fuck my motha'? Well I'm gonna fuck yo brotha!"

–34th & 6th

Overheard by: Fiona

Woman outside store to a child speaking to her mother: What do you mean you don't like her? That's your mother, man!

–125th & Park Ave

Woman on phone: Hello? Yeah, how are you? (pause) So I didn't really deal with my mother's death because I wasn't sober then.

–Starbucks

Overheard by: Laura

Man: Speaking of mother's graves, I want my urn back.

–13th & Ave A

Overheard by: erkala

Posted on October 7, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Asshole, Backdoor, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Death, Drinking & Drunk People, Food, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Kids, Men, Moms, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Questions, Sex, Starbucks, Street, Teens, Threats, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Wednesday One-Liners: Willing, but Unripe

Loud-mouthed girl to friends: She says, "I've had sex with over 100 men." And so I says, "girl! You fourteen!"

–R Train

Thirty-something black man to Catholic high school girls: So what's it take for a couple of black guys to get to play with y'all's skirts?

–Metro-North

Overheard by: kfkdjsdf

Father to infant daughter in stroller: Hey! Close your legs!

–SoHo

Professor: Your favorite teacher from high school turned out to be a pedophile? Seriously? Well was he a real pedophile, or just a hooking-up-with-teenage-students kind of pedophile?

–Fordham University

Overheard by: Jack Package

13-year-old girl on phone: So guess what… I lost my virginity last night… looks like you owe me a soda.

–H & M

Overheard by: Imani

Posted on September 30, 2009
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Body Parts, Dads, Drinks, Fordham, Friends, Hook Ups, Kids, Moms, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Pick-up Lines, Promiscuity, Questions, Race, Robbing the Cradle, School and studying, Sex, Soho, Store, Students, Teachers/Professors, Teens, Trains Not Subway, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Virginity, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liner Pong

Frat dude: Mickey Mantle is the one dead person I would totally bring back to life to have gay sex with.

–Yankee Stadium Museum

Overheard by: sternie

30-something fratboy to wife: He still gives me mixtapes like we're still in high school!

–65th & Broadway

Overheard by: ENGLEBERT

Young frat boy to friend, deadpan: I came on her face. Then her mom walked in.

–59th St & Lexington

Overheard by: Josie

Drunk frat boy trying to pick up a girl wearing a red and white striped shirt: I'm sorry for interrupting, but I just wanted to tell you…I found Waldo.

–88th & 1st

Fratboy on phone: When was the baby born? (pause) Sick, dude!

–Penn Station

Posted on September 23, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Babies, Books & Writing, Couples, Cum, Death, Drunks, Frat Boys, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, More museums, Music, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Penn Station, Pick-up Lines, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, School and studying, Sex, Street, Stupidity, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Yankee Stadium, Yankees

Fuck One-Liners and the Wednesday They Rode in on

Angry woman, venting: Oh, but he doesn't know I scrapbook like a motherfucker.

–M&J Trimming

Girl, screaming: Fuck you, International Baccalaureate!

–Brooklyn

Really angry guy on cell: I'm talkin' about mothafuckin' cookies and apple juice!

–23rd & 6th

Overheard by: Q

Well-dressed black man, addressing entire train: Ladies and gentlemen, I'm here to talk to you today about… fucking. You see, everybody likes to fuck. My parents love to fuck. My ex-wife–she loved to fuck. President Obama, he enjoys fucking…

–Q Train

Overheard by: Hunter

Six-year-old girl to mother, ready for day at the beach: Shit, mom! It's fucking raining!

–Q Train

Suit on cell, cheerily: Okay, fuck you, bye!

–7th Ave & 50th St

Overheard by: dignell

Posted on September 23, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Drinks, Food, Girls, Guys, Insults, Kids, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Passengers, President, Sex, Store, Suits, Weather, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Which Reminds Me– I Owe You Fifty Bucks.

Student: What about sex?
Economics professor: What about it?
Student: Well, it's something that probably never has a diminishing marginal utility.
Economics professor: You wish. (class laughs) Plus, for most of us in this room, sex isn't usually a market transaction.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Danielle

Posted on September 20, 2009
Classroom, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Money & Class, Prostitution, Questions, School and studying, Sex, Students, Teachers/Professors, Wishes & desires

God's Chosen Wednesday One-Liners

Woman to friend: Look, I just don't want to be born again, okay? I saw how you attacked that Jewish woman in the airport.

–Broadway & 10th St

Overheard by: Stephanie

Patron: Jews for Jesus are just reformed black panthers.

–Turkish Kitchen, 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Pola

Student who has just drawn a stereotypical Jew to another who has drawn Jesus on the cross: Wait–wait, Jesus was Jewish?

–Bronx High School Of Science, Judaic Cultural Society

Girl at birthday supper: I get all Jewish and entitled when anyone tries to tell me "no!"

–8th Ave & 43rd St

Overheard by: Lankyguy

Jock to another: And then he like tried to fuck me. I guess that's what I get for spending the night at a dude's house. I mean he was Jewish and all, so he was really nice but still…

–23rd St & Lexington

Posted on September 16, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bosses, Bronx Science, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Girls, Jesus, Jocks, Judaism, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Questions, Race, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Street, Students, Stupidity, The Bronx, The Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Victoria Does Her Best to Represent All Three Groups

Queer #1: He's just so hot.
Queer #2: Yeah, he's so gorgeous that everyone wants to have sex with him. Men, women, dogs… They all want to have sex with David Beckham.

–Bar 89, SoHo

Overheard by: undercovah sistah

Posted on September 15, 2009
About Celebrities, Bars & Clubs, Beauty, Gays and Lesbians, Man's Best Friend, Queer guys, Sex, Soho, Wishes & desires

The Date Came Later, As Is Proper

Ghetto chick #1: Oh no! We didn't fuck on the first date!
Ghetto chick #2: What do you mean you didn't? Stop, stop, stop! You got me all twisted!
Ghetto chick #1: I mean… if you really think about it, it wasn't a date…

–E Train