Young woman: I heard this funny joke. A man comes home and his wife says “Your boss called and said that you were fired.” The man answers “Fuck him!”, and the woman says “I did, and now you have your job back.”
Woman's husband: I don't get it.
Eight-year-old son: C'mon dad, she made out with the boss!
–F Train
Man #1, in chaise lounge: Men and women have totally different criteria for attractiveness.
Man #2, also in chaise lounge: How so?
Man #1: A guy can look like a fucking bullfrog in a Beatle wig, but if he's charming and especially if he has money, women will be all over him.
Man #2: Yeah, especially if he has money.
Man #1: But let's say a really hot chick walked past us right now in a thong, and another woman says to us, “watch out for her, she's been in and out of mental institutions.”
Man #2: We'd still want to fuck her.
Man #1: Exactly.
Man #2: Point well taken.
–Douglaston, Queens
Overheard by: Big Larry
Ginger boy to female friend: Next time we get drunk, can I fuck you in the armpit?
Female friend: That would be awkward.
–Juniper Valley Park
Gay boy: So have you guys ever had sex with someone you didn't want to?
Girl: Yes.
Gay boy: Like, they're fucking you and you're just laying there…
–Bleecker St
Overheard by: mezza
Suit #1: Hey, did you hear about what happened yesterday?
Suit #2: Yeah, I did, and the amazing part is that female sex offenders exist–that's crazy!
–City Hall Park
Overheard by: Amused Onlooker
Black man passing out leaflets: And this woman here, you know she'd love to have a big black cock in her. Don't deny it, baby, you would.
–Outside Penn Station
Overheard by: unimpressed and skeptical
Girl to friend, unknowingly a few feet away from black guy: Thank god there's no black people on this street.
–Steinway St
Black TA, walking in five minutes before class: Oh my god, am I early? Oh, no! I'm going against my people's stereotype!
–Classroom, NYU
Overheard by: kpan
Asian guy to another, loudly: The black girl doesn't sound black. How do they do that?
–Uptown W Train
Queer to another: So I want to get dreadlocks, like black people.
–W 14th & 6th
Black lady to staring white kid: That's right little boy, this is what a black person looks like.
–Outside Toys R' Us, Times Square
Drunk girl to friend: No, 'cause my kids are gonna be city kids and your kids are gonna be country kids and my kids aren't gonna wanna talk to your kids!
–University Place & 12th
Overheard by: Mikalena
Drunk white girl: Who owns New York City? Who's got it on lock down more than Jay-Z?
–8th St & 3rd Ave
Drunken girl to friend: He's divorced. Is it okay if I fuck him?
–E 14th St
Overheard by: Mimi
Drunken bro, stumbling into hookah bar with friends: Do you think they have penis flavor?!
–Hookah Bar, 1st Ave
Drunk frat boy, sitting in trash can, drinking Bacardi Mojito bottle: This is the end man! This is the fucking end!
–Church & Canal
Overheard by: Ben
Drunk girl on phone: Hello? What happened? Your dad died? Oh…what? Your dog died? Oh, I though you said your dad died. Wait…are you laughing or crying? Cuz if you're crying, I hate you. Sorry, I'm on the train right now, and I'm drunk off my ass.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Igor Petrov
Girl #1: You should see Star Trek.
Girl #2: But I don't like Star Trek.
Girl #1: I didn't either at first, and now all I want is to fuck Captain Kirk.
Girl #2: That's ridiculous.
Girl #1: I'm not ashamed to love.
–Times Square
Overheard by: I'd Fuck Him Too
Middle-aged socialite #1: I can't believe he forgot about the annual dinner!
Middle-aged socialite #2: He didn't forget, he just isn't coming.
Middle-aged socialite #1: Why would he not come?
Middle-aged socialite #2: Stacey slept with Rob.
Middle-aged socialite #1: Whaaaaat?
–Hell's Kitchen
Overheard by: Rob
Crazy dude with shades to woman chatting with friend: You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna blow you, suck you, fuck the two of you bitches hard, you know why? Cause I'm a faggot!
Women: (blank stare)
Crazy dude with shades: Then I can kill you, too. (maniacal laughter)
Women: (continue their jovial conversation)
–F Train
Overheard by: Craig
