Teen skater #1: Dude, I wanted to chill on Easter but my mom said I had to go to church.
Teen skater #2: You should've said “mom, fuck church!”
Teen skater #1: Dude, if I had said “fuck,” I wouldn't be alive. I would've been under the couch. My mama would've stuffed me in a bag… Put some incense on that shit so it wouldn't smell.
–6 Train
Overheard by: trying not to laugh
Loud student, looking at intricate homework assignment on projector: Who has the time to do that, seriously?!
Skater dude #1, muttering: Shit, I have the time to do that, I just spend it getting fucked up.
Skater dude #2: Shit man, we all do!
–School of Visual Arts
Overheard by: art school has bros too
Man preaching from bible: If you look at a woman that's not your wife and want to have sex with her, that's fornication!
Skater kid: Damn straight!
–Union Square
Girl to a friend: I was piss drunk when I saw The Passion Of The Christ.
–Chelsea
Skateboarding juvenile delinquent to crew: We are totally like the movie Kids, all that's left is for me to get Aids.
–Mott & Prince
Overheard by: Dirty needle or gay sex, your choice
Suit to another: The soundtrack to Big Top Pee-wee was amazing.
–St. Mark's Place
Seven-year-old Asian boy to mother, during the movie Up: He loved and he lost…
–Regal Union Square Theater
Crazy 30-something man: Excuse me! You probably think I'm looking for money. I'm not. But I'm looking for a companion! A girl, aged 18 to 25, and she must have a DVD player, so we can watch movies!
–1 Train
Overheard by: nella
(man standing on bus gets a little too close to the man sitting in front of him)
Sitting man: Wrong person, right day. Son, do not put your genitals in my face!
–M101 Bus
(skateboarder tries to do a trick on the curb and flies face-first onto pavement)
Skateboarding friend, checking on him: Dude! His face looks like a clitoris!
–Union Square
Overheard by: I Looked Away
Crazy man to another: What the fuck's the matter with your face, man? You look like a fuckin' Rottweiler! Shit!
–Q Train
Creepy doorman to male tourist: If you wake up in the morning with a bush in front of your face, don't ask any questions.
–30 Rock
Overheard by: MusicMagGirl
Girl, loudly and enthusiastically: Everything I say is a joke!
–City Bakery, 18th St
Girl to guy: What's so funny? Did you fart?
–W 96th & Broadway
Overheard by: Megan W.
Santa, chasing scared teen: Do you think it's funny to throw things at people's heads? How about I break your face?
–42nd St
Girl: I'm really excited that, like, within our lifetime, there are gonna be funny movies about Obama.
–Manhattan Theatre Source
Overheard by: Emily B.
Laughing girl on phone: Come on, please! Please! Just take off your clothes and take pictures! (pause) Come on, mom, it would be so funny!
–Union Square
20-something skater guy to another: And then I started whackin' off, and it was hilarious.
–Broadway & E 10th St
Overheard by: Timothy
Thuggy white girl: I don't know why she complaining so much, I mean, they don't hurt that bad.
Skater chick: She just bein' a drama queen.
Thuggy white girl: I know! I mean…everybody got crabs.
–E 9th St & 2nd Ave
Skater boy: (horrible screeching dinosaur-like scream)
Crowd of skater boy's friends: Pterodactyl orgasm!
–Union Square
Skater #1: A Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart ticket would totally win the presidency, on popularity alone.
Skater #2: Jon Stewart is really smart… He's like as smart as…he's as smart as me.
–N Train
Skater kid: Where's my tongue?
–Central Park
Overheard by: Toast
Guy on bus (shouting from the back of the bus): Driver, you know this bus is not gentle on those who have testicles. I mean there's all these bumps and everything's jumping around.
–B12 Bus
Butch lesbian yelling into phone: How do you think I found out my thyroid wasn't working?
–M14D Bus
Old guy to pretty girl: You have some nice legs. You should be doing stocking commercials. Anyone ever tell you that? (now to himself) Oh, the woes of racism have plagued us from Egyptian times!
–R Train
Stock floor guy on cell: Every time we think this thing is coming to a head, there's another head…how many heads does this thing have?
–Wall St & Broadway
Overheard by: Michael
Woman on cell: The best place for your thighs is around my neck. Yes it is. Yes it is. Yes it is. Yes it is.
–58th & Columbus Circle
