Wednesday One-Liners Blame Their Mothers

CCNY student: I've always thought he has psychological problems. (pause) Like, he's one of those people that has to flip the light switch 17 times or the whole world dies.

–Hallway, CCNY

Overheard by: ladyliver

Suit on cell: She is trying to get a good education so that she can pay for therapy later on.

–1250 Broadway

Loud male customer counting out packets of chewing tobacco: One! Two! Three! Four! Five! Six! Ever since I quit my job at Sesame Street, I can't seem to live my life. Kermit is my shrink, so of course I'm screwed…

–Smoke Shop, Park Slope

Overheard by: Kiri

Dude hanging up his cell: Oh my god, I think all Jewish girls need therapy.

–Good Stuff Diner, 14th St

Overheard by: Kosi

Suit on cell: Dude, I know, but like, you either get help, or you're normal. (pause) No, dude, pick one, get help or be normal. Damn.

–Port Authority

Overheard by: Sarah

History teacher to class: Does that make you uncomfortable? Because I know I'm mental.

–Bronx High School of Science

Overheard by: Lillian

Posted on April 24, 2016
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bronx Science, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, City College, Crazy, Customers, Death, Education, Guys, On Cell, One-liners, Park Slope, Port Authority, Psychology, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Store, Students, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, The Bronx, TV, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

What Do You Want? I’m from New York

Student: Well, like, trickle down economics works on a small scale.
TA: In what circumstances do you mean?
Student: Well, like, in third world countries… You give a family a cow, or you can give them two cows, and then they watch them mate and they sell their milk.
TA: [Silence.]

–NYU classroom, 13th & 4th

Posted on April 7, 2016
Animals & Nature, Business and Commerce, Education, Food, Global Geography, Idiots, NYU, Students, Teachers/Professors

Sven Is Learning English in Fits and Starts

Professor, musing: I wonder what I'm going to do this weekend…
Student in lecture: Party!
Professor: Barbecue?
Student: No, party!
Professor: I think I'm a bit old for that.
Student: Party!

–NYU

Overheard by: Spazz

Posted on March 17, 2016
Age/Aging, Celebrations/Parties, NYU, School and studying, Students, Teachers/Professors

Do You Take This Wednesday to Be Your Lawfully Wedded One-Liner?

Grad student: Translation: Will you marry me? Or: I don’t want germs.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Dude: … My wedding [mumble] gonna take away my clothes, so I’m going to need a tear-away tuxedo.

–53rd & Broadway

Overheard by: Jo

Chick to another: Yeah, he’s the one who wouldn’t marry her because she was too pale.

–Starbucks

Blonde: … And I’m really not sure, because he said he shouldn’t unless we are married, but that it’s okay, we could just do it and then he could just confess his sins or something like that…

–Broadway & Prince

Overheard by: Dan

Lesbian to group: So, what is the reason behind getting married, besides pretending to be heterosexual? Exactly — presents!

–Party, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Jude

Posted on February 29, 2016
Brooklyn, Clothing, Columbia, Default, Gays and Lesbians, Gifts, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Language Barrier, Lesbians, Lower Manhattan, Marriage, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Questions, Religion, Sex, Starbucks, Students

Wednesday One-Liners and Tigers and Bears–Oh, My!

Young woman to another: But do you know how big a horse dick is?

–5th Ave & Carroll, Park Slope

Girl: I'm really tired. I'm, like, an animal activist right now.

–Parking Lot, Broadway Mall

Overheard by: Lysa

Student: I'm not that sensitive. I can watch those videos where they like, torture the animal or whatever, and then I'll go eat it.

–Cardozo Law School

Asian girl: Does this make me look like a sad Panda?

–NYU Dining Hall

Columbia girl: I'd never have asked if I knew he was the one who'd killed it. But I didn't suspect him. Who'd spend their time strangling a gerbil?

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Who'd have thought?

Guido to friend: Yo, it smells like a skunk burped up a hot dog.

–Penn Station

Lady on speaker: If you have an animal, please do not put it through the X-ray.

–LaGuardia Airport

Posted on February 28, 2016
Advice, Airports, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Asians, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Food, Friends, Girls, Guidos, Height, Junk Food & Fast Food, LaGuardia Airport, Malls, Murder, NYU, One-liners, Park Slope, Penis, Penn Station, Physical appearance, Politics, Questions, Scents of the City, School, Sensory Experiences, Sorority Girls, Students, Stupidity, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

So Much for That Stereotype

Teacher: And Montana–
Asian girl, interrupting: –Wait, isn’t Montana somewhere near Germany along with Maine?

–Bronx Science

Overheard by: LSB

Posted on February 26, 2016
Global Geography, School, Students

Wednesday’s Gonna Have a Little One-Liner

Angry frat boy: Oh, so now I’m the bad guy? Let’s talk about you and your irrational pregnancy!

–Grand Central

Tween to friends: So, do you think I should get an abortion? I mean, I’m not even pregnant!

–TGI Fridays

Overheard by: Sara

Giggling chick: When you get pregnant, the only things that swell are your breasts!

–8th & Broadway

Overheard by: Hannah

Female security guard to friend: I don’t think I’m pregnant. There’s no way I can be pregnant, because I was only having light sex.

–Duane Reade, 23rd & 6th

Overheard by: jmike

Happy lady on cell: Guess what?! I’m pregnant! Yes, with a baby this time!

–96th St station

Overheard by: Kind of Confused

20-something chick: If I get pregnant, I am so suing Fresh Direct.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Posted on February 25, 2016
Abortion, All Wednesday One-Liners, Always Bringing it Back to You!, Columbia (& Barnard), Crime and Punishment, Duane Reade, Frat Boys, Gay Man's Best Friend, Girls, Grand Central, On Cell, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Rack, Restaurants & Cafes, Security Guards, Sex, Students, Subway stations, platforms, etc., The Village, Tweens, Weirdness, Women

And There's My Brother in the Seminary Like a Sucker!

Theater student #1: So it's really good, cause I'm gonna get to play a rapist!
Theater student #2: Oh man, really?
Theater student #1: Yeah! I'll get to rape someone… Or try, I think… Which I've never done before.
Theater student #2: Dude, you're so lucky.

–NYU

Posted on February 22, 2016
NYU, Rape, School and studying, Students, Theater & Dance, Weirdness

Someone Who’s Willing to Go Beyond “It’s Complicated”

NYU girl to friend: So then he like bitched me out, hardcore, in a text. And he didn’t talk to me for like a day so I was just like, “Ugh, whatever.” But then he ended our relationship on facebook! And I was just like, “Oh my god!” I need someone who’s mature, y’know?
Friend: Oh… Yeah. Totally.

–NYU

Overheard by: Clook

Posted on January 16, 2016
Breaking Up, Cell Phone, Default, Facebook, Friends, Girls, NYU, Relationships, Students

Students