Stupidity

To Be Fair, What NYC Grade Schooler Needs to Know Accurate Barnyard Noises?

Latino grade school girl #1: Yeah man, and then they act like they don't know when we be hating, cause they gotta act like that, and then they say we be racist and we ain't racist, you're just a dumb white bitch.
Latino grade school girl #2: Yeah, and then they say we racist.
Latino grade school girl #1: She just don't wanna say nothing to me die-reckt-ly cause she knows she'll get hurt.
Latino grade school girl #2: Say it to my face!
Latino grade school girl #1: Yeah, that's what I say, say it to my face! She just chicken.
Latino grade school girl #2: Yeah, she just chicken.
Latino grade school girl #1: Ha ha! Chicken head!
Latino grade school girl #2: Haha, yeaaaaaah girl, chicken head! Quack quack!

–Old Navy Dressing Room, 6th Ave

Overheard by: NoChildLeftBehindDoesntWork

If Wiki Confirms It, It Must Be True.

Philly girl #1, pointing to picture: Hey! My dad once punched that guy in the face!
Philly girl #2: Benjamin Netanyahu?
Philly girl #1: Yeah.
Philly girl #2: Wait… isn't he from Israel?
Philly girl #1: Nope. He went to Cheltenham high school, same as my dad.
Philly girl #2: What happened?
Philly girl #1: My dad said, “if you poke me one more time, I'm gonna punch you in the face.”
Philly girl #2: (silence)
Philly girl #1: He poked him.

–M60 Bus

You Know You're Drunk When the Evening Ends in a Bookstore

Obviously inebriated brunette: So… I'm pretty sure I'm going to die tonight.
Obviously inebriated blonde: Well, if we do, I think I should put up a Facebook status so everyone knows.
Obviously inebriated brunette: I'm pretty sure the tox screen will show it.
(ten seconds later)
Obviously inebriated brunette: Kill me. Oh, wait, no need. I'll be dead in three hours.
Obviously inebriated blonde: Just don't go dying in my bed… that's creepy.
(five seconds later)
Obviously inebriated brunette: Um… did you just burp?
Obviously inebriated blonde: Yeah. Why?
Obviously inebriated brunette: Because it just went up my nose.
Obviously inebriated blonde: Now… that's legendary.

–Barnes & Noble, Midtown

Overheard by: NYLove

For Perfectly Good American Reasons

Man about to cross street to cabbie wearing turban: You terrorist! Get out of my country!
Cabbie, yelling: I'll fucking kill you!

–University Place & 14th St

Overheard by: Heather

So She'll Have to Rely Upon the Affections Of Rich Men

Middle aged woman #1: Yeah, so my older daughter is really good with directions. She'll be fine getting around New York.
Middle aged woman #2: Oh, that's good.
Middle aged woman #1: Yeah, but my youngest… she's just… blonde.

–El Quijote Restaurant

Overheard by: Rachel

Raise Your Hand If You're Gonna Start Using That

Woman on bus: Hey, when are we gonna leave here–Christmas?
Driver: Lady, hold on.
Man on bus: He's probably watchin' porn.
Woman on bus: Yeah, stop beatin' your meat.
Driver: I'm waiting for my supervisor to give me the go-ahead.
Woman: Well, I'm gonna miss the ferry, so tell your stupidvisor I don't want to miss the ferry.
Driver: Did you just call him a stupidvisor?

–Chamber St. Shuttle to South Ferry

Overheard by: Jon

It's Like He Thinks We Don't Need Silk Garbage Bags

Upper West Side wife #1: He thinks I can operate this household on $25,000 a month–that bastard better get a better job.
Upper West Side wife #2: Yeah, really, he needs to get his shit together.

–83rd & Broadway

Overheard by: Mike

Wednesday's More Fun Than a Barrel Of One-Liners

20-something hipster to another, admiring long-legged blonde: How can you say you believe in evolution?! There is no way that that evolved from a monkey!

–1st Ave & 14th

Overheard by: Evolutionary

Little boy to brother: If I were a monkey, I'd take a crap on you.

–6 Train

Overheard by: Rebecca

Man on cell: Then Tim-Jim jerked him off with his feet. Only a monkey can do that!

–Bedford & Metropolitan

Overheard by: theeatenpath

Middle aged man pushing daughter's stroller: I can't believe she got Curious George's autograph!

–16th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Maquaid

…Though, to Be Fair, I Don't Act Like That with My Hairdresser.

Ghetto Latina: He's so fucking stupid! This morning I kissed him goodbye and said “you're my world.” and he goes “why you gotta be so dramatic?” Like, what the fuck?
Ghetto black friend: Damn!

–Houston & Hudson

Overheard by: Suit

Osama Bin Laden: Fuck!

Fashion girl #1, on 9/11: Did you see the two large lights in the sky?
Fashion girl #2: Yeah, crazy, right? I think they put them up for Fashion Week.

–King & Varick

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