JAP #1: Oh my God, alcohol kills so many people.
JAP #2: Ok, you know water kills more people than alcohol.
JAP #1: What are you talking about?
JAP #2: You’re so stupid! Don’t you remember the floods?
–Union Square
Overheard by: bob
JAP #1: Oh my God, alcohol kills so many people.
JAP #2: Ok, you know water kills more people than alcohol.
JAP #1: What are you talking about?
JAP #2: You’re so stupid! Don’t you remember the floods?
–Union Square
Overheard by: bob
Older woman: Excuse me, have you found a set of keys in here?
Teller: No, ma'am.
Older woman: They're not mine, they're a friend's.
Teller: We haven't found any.
Older woman: If I lost my keys, I would be upset, and would want the the person who found them to give them back.
Teller: We haven't found your keys.
Older woman: If they were my keys I would be very upset right now.
–Bank, Astoria
Overheard by: Natalie
Woman: Hi, I just realized today that my wallet was stolen a month ago.
–Chase Manhattan, Broadway & 73rd
Overheard by: Susan Volchok
Guy: I’ll have a Mahatma grande.
–Starbucks, Broadway & 98th
Lady: If it was a real fortune-teller or whatever, they’re not supposed to charge you, right?
–78th & 2nd
Overheard by: Todd Seavey
Teen boy #1: It's like a totally different part of the body.
Teen boy #2: Can you imagine if vaginas had brains?
–Bedford Avenue, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Judgmental Dog Walker
Tourist husband: Hey, look, a Starbucks.
Tourist Wife: Ooo…
–44th & 8th
Hipster guy #1: Did you hear about the brain dead woman who had a baby?
Hipster guy #2: Whoa. Why’d she do that?
–1st Avenue & 9th Street
Guy #1: Communism is like anarchism. Everyone owns everything.
Guy #2: You dumbass, no one owns anything in anarchism.
Guy #1: So everyone’s poor?
Guy #2: How are you not dead already?
–Gay Street
Guy: You know, they’re giving away money on the T train for being nice.
Bimbette: What?
Guy: The T train — they’re giving away money to people who are nice.
Bimbette: Who are?
Guy: The T train.
Bimbette: How can a train give away money?
Guy: Not the train. The people — the train people.
Bimbette: Why would they give away money?
Guy: To encourage people to be nice. They give it to people who do nice things.
Bimbette: Nice things?
Guy: Yeah, like holding open the door, letting someone have your seat — nice things.
Bimbette: How can they just give away money?
Guy: It’s not actual money. They’re gift certificates to Dunkin’ Donuts.
Bimbette: What’s a donut?
Guy: Are you fucking kidding me?
–A train
Overheard by: this imaginary train you speak of sounds nice
20-something woman on cell: I thought I was pregnant because I was nauseous all the time, but then I realized I was just always hungover.
–111th & Broadway
Overheard by: Ladle
Guy to chick: What the fuck did she get pregnant for? She needed to lose some weight.
–Bowery
Hyper chick: He got me knocked up with this giant pretzel!
–LIRR
Overheard by: Pretzel Vendor
20-something girl to friend: Oh, so you're thinking because it's Memorial Day weekend you're gonna get preggers?
–Hoyt-Schermerhorn Subway Sation
Guy, about a couple who'd broken up: She came back to pick up her shit, and when you come back to pick up your shit, you know, shit happens, and she got pregnant.
–Bed-Stuy, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Ashley
Lady suit on cell: Well, unless you want to get me pregnant, I'm not sure I see a way around this!
–Columbus Circle
TV: ‘It’s official — Hillary Clinton is running for the presidency…’
Secretary #1: You gonna vote for her?
Secretary #2: I don’t know… I have to see who else is running.
Service associate: You think a woman can handle these 52 states? This is a big continent — you think a woman can handle that?
–Montefiore Medical Center
Headline by: Jason
Runners-Up:
· “At least we knew Monica could handle a big load” – Roxi
· “I mean, really, Debbie could only handle Dallas.” – Mikie
· “If she can’t handle the small “jobs” at home…” – Kenneth
· “Men lying about size? Yeah, a woman can handle that.” – bella
