Dad: So, your school called today, honey, and do you know what they said?
Six-year-old girl: No, what?
Dad: That they have to check everyone in your class tomorrow for lice!
Six-year-old girl: Hoorayyyyyy!!
–West 4th St Platform
Overheard by: Jess
Dad: So, your school called today, honey, and do you know what they said?
Six-year-old girl: No, what?
Dad: That they have to check everyone in your class tomorrow for lice!
Six-year-old girl: Hoorayyyyyy!!
–West 4th St Platform
Overheard by: Jess
Boy to girl: Does it look like my ass is eating my pants?
–Brooklyn Tech
Overheard by: Julie
Eight-year old girl: It’s not me, it’s the pants! It’s the pants!
–81st & Roosevelt Ave
Overheard by: Jobee
Woman on cell: No. No. Absolutely not. Look, would you please put some pants on?
–8th & Broadway
Cop to his cop friends: My buns don’t look good in these pants. But hey, what can you do? It’s part of the uniform.
–Times Square Shuttle Station
Overheard by: Heather
Girl on cell: Do you have to shit? Oh… So go in your pants!
–Union Square
Overheard by: Shira
Incredulous thug to friend: You drop your pants to hop the train?
–W. Houston & 1st Ave
Overheard by: Jon A.
Traveling students: We want to go to 116th Street — Columbia — so we take this train? This Three train?
NY-er: No, that train goes to a bad place. You want the One train.
–96th St station
Girl on cell: So I asked my doorman if I brought anyone home with me last night and he said he didn’t know! I told him it’s his job to know!
–Outside 145th subway station
Hipster girl: Santa is a man whore!
–45th & 8th
College girl: And then we’re having what I thought was a nice one night stand, and then, he’s all like "what are you doing?"
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: silvver
Indian girl: I need to up my sex number. I either wanna sleep with a professor or a celebrity. (long pause) Wait! Professors are like celebrities!
–72nd and Amsterdam
Overheard by: Vincent
Teen girl to friend: … And then my mom said to me "don’t be a ho."
–Union Square
Overheard by: Lotte
Girl: She is such a fuckin’ slut. (Pause, then indignantly) How you gonna sleep with someone for four dollars?
–Bergen and Smith
Headphones guy singing R. Kelly and dancing: It’s the freakin’ weekend, baby — I’m about to have me some fun!
Passerby: I bet that Walkman doesn’t even have batteries in it. Also, he sucks.
–Bryant Park platform
Black guy: It is the last day of Black History Month and nobody sent me a card?
White guy: Well then, happy Black History Month.
Black guy: Yeah sure, whatever!
White guy: No, seriously, thank you! Thank you for Charlie Parker, Miles Davis, Richard Pryor…
Black guy: Well I guess tomorrow I have to back to sitting in the back of the bus!
White guy: No! What are you talking about? We don’t pick on blacks anymore! That’s what gays are for!
Black guy: Ohhh!
–Graham Street station
Overheard by: Philip Rafferty
Little boy: Where are we going, Joseph*?
Huge American Indian in floor-length fur coat: I’m your grandpa. If you call me Joseph, I’ll kick your ass.
Little boy: Why?
Huge American Indian in floor-length fur coat: It’s about respect.
–9th & 4th station, Park Slope
Overheard by: Glad my grandpas are dead
Asian guy #1: Ok, here’s the train.
Asian guy #2: Dude! No way! That’s the Q!
Asian guy #1: What?
Asian guy #2: Dude! You couldn’t pay me to take the Q! Last time I took the Q, I got on around Canal Street and next thing I knew, I was in. . like. . . Brooklyn!
–Herald Square station
Girl #1: You know you can spell your name R-A-C-H-L-E too, right?
Girl #2: That’s Rach-lee.
Girl #1: No, the way it sounds listen to the LE, like “apple”. You don’t spell apple A-P-P-E-L.
Girl #2: Yeah, but that’s dumb because I am not an apple.
–Sheepshead Bay station
Overheard by: Lena Ner
Lady yelling at old guy: Where you goin’ today, Harold?!
Old man, smiling: You my wife?
–Q station, Cortelyou Rd, Brooklyn
Overheard by: cloisterpunk
