Teenager #1: Yeah, I'm ambi-dicks-trous.
Teenager #2: What?
Teenager #1: Yeah, I can write with both my dicks.
–West Village
Teenager #1: Yeah, I'm ambi-dicks-trous.
Teenager #2: What?
Teenager #1: Yeah, I can write with both my dicks.
–West Village
Man being introduced to teenager: So, what was your name ag…
Interrupting man, holding a large pamphlet: Want to stick your foot up the devil's ass?
–St. Mark's Place
Overheard by: flmngarrow
Fat girl at bar: Be hot, be educated, bend me over. That's all I want.
–Kenny's Castaways
Overheard by: Richard
Conductor (bitchily): Ladies and gentlemen, if you think the car you are in is too hot, feel free to get up and move!
–NJ Transit, Penn Station
Teenage girl to friend: Yeah, right, like, "Hi, I took the school bus with you in elementary school. Now you're really hot." (both laugh)
–Hunter College High School
Overheard by: Rosebud
Man on phone: Hey man, she was hot. But listen, don't tell her I have a girlfriend, okay?
–5th Ave & 10th St
Overheard by: i'm going to break it to her gently
Teenage girl on cell: Yes, I know you're not supposed to take pills from people you don't know, but he was so hot! And then I think I had sex with him.
–Chinatown Bus Station
Overheard by: Emily
Teenage girl on cell: Yo, we just got a new game, you wanna come over?
Teenage boyfriend: (mumbles)
Teenage girl on cell: All you gotta do is get high.
Teenage boyfriend: (mumbles).
Teenage girl on cell: And drunk.
–7th Ave & 50th
Overheard by: Aaron
Short girl: Yo, Friday? I'm getting done. Done! Getting saucy. Saucy! With two double Es. "Sau-cee!" Like pasta! Nigga, I get buns!
–1 Train
Overheard by: Ben B.
Office drone to coworker: So yeah, they have this like big place in the city. But they have a patio and a garden and they cook every single night. They cook on their patio! But not like my cooking. Not cereal. They make braised lamb.
–32nd St & Broadway
Overheard by: Marie Z.
Teen on cell: Mmm, that peppercorn brandy sauce was gangster.
–72nd & Colombus
Overheard by: Lauren
Random dude: Maybe they'll let you put a biscuit on lay-away.
–KFC, 106th & Broadway
Guy on cell: So, I just need to get some toilet paper, tomato soup, and chain myself in the room for a while.
–Astor Place
Overheard by: Brigdh
Eight-year-old kid to mother, referring to generic cereal: Yo, they've got bootleg Froot Loops!
–Target, Atlantic & Flatbush
Overheard by: Ravi
Blonde chick to dude: Isn't he, like, koreish?
–F Train
Dude on cell: It's not even like a relationship, it's all texting, it's a textationship.
–22nd & 1st
Overheard by: loves it
Girl on cell: She was all slippy and shit.
–SoHo
Student to another: The trouble with you is that you got the wrong misconception.
–Broadway & 116th
Overheard by: Cousin Al
Mom, upon examining young son's pruney toes: Jake! What's wrong with your toe? Look, the skin is coming off, it's like you're molding! Just like a little bird! Your foot is molding!
–Prep School Swimming Pool
Overheard by: I dream of Jean
Teen on payphone: Listen! Mah words isn't what I'm sayin!
–Fulton & Broadway
Overheard by: Mondo Man
Woman on cell: You thought he was gonna shit on you? Sit? Spit? You gonna need to step up your English game.
–Fulton Street Subway Station
Overheard by: Johnny Twisto
Hobo (screaming): Steve! Steve!
Teen guy to girl: Hold on one second. (walks back to homeless man) Hey, man! How are you?
Hobo: I'm good. How's your dad doing?
Teen guy: He's good, I'll say hi to him for you.
–90th & Madison
Overheard by: only in New York
Mother: He doesn't have any bones in his legs.
Teenage daughter: Nuh-uh! What does he do?
Mother: He goes all around the world, spreading joy to everyone.
–48th & Broadway
Overheard by: Jess
Suit to another, on smoking break: Cigarettes are out, cookies are in!
–33rd & Park Ave
Teen boy: I wanna take up smoking just to prove to people how easy it is to quit. Seriously, it's not that hard. Just don't buy a pack.
–74th & Lexington
Bum to another: And so the cops went in and found them… And you know they can't arrest them for smokin' that shit…it's part of their religion!
–23rd & Park Ave
Overheard by: Francesca
Professor: The only reason valuable reason to start smoking is if you were molested as a child or some shit like that.
–Marymount Manhattan College
Girl on phone: So my roommate was bitching at me this morning for walking around in my underwear and I was like, "Dude, you got laid last night, I got yelled at by my booty call's girlfriend. I deserve to smoke cigarettes half naked on my patio."
–Lower East Side
Overheard by: innocent bystander
High school kid: Yo, I would smoke a cigarette dipped in toothpaste!
–Chambers St
Hipster teenage girl: Yeah, trust me you'd know if you'd seen me disgruntled.
Hipster teenage boy: I haven't?
Hipster teenage girl: Nope. Well…talking online, maybe.
Hipster teenage boy: Oh, you're always disgruntled online. You always have some huge, massive crisis.
Hipster teenage girl: Oh yeah, once I was really pissed off at you. I scream a lot when I'm disgruntled.
Hipster teenage boy: At me?
Hipster teenage girl: No, just in general. At my room mostly.
(long pause)
Hipster teenage girl: I'm bored. Let's go to my house and do some lines!
–Park Slope
