Time

Hot black girl: Where did summer go? Now we're all back to wearing glasses and snorting Adderall… or taking it with water.

–24th St & 3rd Ave

Guy to friend: If I just gave up speed I'd totally be getting more ass.

–Bleecker & LaGuardia

Overheard by: Jack

Guy to another: Yeah, so you take a gram of coke, then mix it with a ground-up Xanax, then mash up an E. Then you put it all into pill form, and down it with a Sparks!

–N Train

Architecture professor: Everything in moderation… except for heroin. Heroin, you go for the gusto.

–Pratt Institute

Overheard by: Denali

Guy on cell: I'm gonna come over and give you a big hug before doomsday.

–Outside NYU Dorm

Guy holding up drunk friend: I have to hug the fat kid?! Why don't you try hugging a fat kid?

–LIRR, Penn Station

Overheard by: Laura

Hobo to startled girl: If you give me a dollar I won't hug you.

–7 Train

Small boy, loudly, after some take-off turbulence: The plane is going down… Everybody hug!

–Runway Strip, JFK

Overheard by: PSUny

Construction worker to another: I got a parking ticket today, but I'm just going to send it in not guilty, then send a lawyer to say my client can't make court today, then reschedule, then by then I'll already be on probation from that other thing!
Friend: Yeah, good idea, that should work.

–Brooklyn

HS girl #1: What time is it?
HS girl #2: 8:25.
HS girl #1: Ha, I missed half my period! Ew, that sounded nasty!

–3 train

Woman #1: Are you going to be here for Christmas?
Woman #2: Yah.
Woman #1: For Thanksgiving?
Woman #2: Yah.
Woman #1: For–
Woman #2: Yah.
Woman #1: For–
Woman #2: Yah.

–Duane Reade, Greenwich Village

Excited bus driver: Next stop, 6th Avenue! Herald Square! Vicky's secret! Something for everyone! Get off!! Get off!

–M16 Bus

Overheard by: nora!

Bus driver: Everyone who is exceedingly good-looking move to the back of the bus!
(people giggle but still not much room in front)
Bus driver: Well, it's good to know you're a modest bunch, but you gotta move back or I'm not moving this bus.

–Bus, Central Park West

Overheard by: passenger

Bus driver over sound system: Dis bus is out of service! Dis bus is out of service! People in da back get up, close the fucken back window, and leave!

–Bx9 Bus

Bus driver over intercom: Good morning, this is a friendly reminder that the holiday shopping season now begins the day after Halloween. Make sure to allot six hours extra travel time as the city gets rather hectic at this time.

–M23 Bus

Bus driver over intercom: Come on, move back, people. There's coffee and jelly donuts in the back of the bus.

–Crosstown Bus, 57th St

Overheard by: Flexy

Bus driver (calmly): Move to the back of the bus. I heard there is mad room in the back of the bus. Mad room. I got an e-mail up here that says there is mad room in the back. Can someone quantify how much is "mad" for me? Mad room in the back of the bus. Mad room. Mad room!

–Crowded Q 55 Bus

Overheard by: Matt

Bus driver: This is the Q44 express going to Jamaica. We are traveling along Main Street, next stop is 41st Avenue. For those of you that don't speak English: blah, blah, blah, blah…

–Bus, Flushing

Man: Of course, by this point I’ve experienced all sorts of international butt-cracks.

–34th & 8th

Overheard by: ghilledhu

Fat man: Of course this statue was French-made — when you look up her dress she’s not shaved.

–Statue of Liberty

Checkout lady: Nah, he’s third generation. He’s not a real Greek, he’s a fake Greek.

–Key Food, Astoria

Overheard by: sara n.

Guy: Do you think anyone will notice that I’m French?

–E 8th St & Broadway

British bloke, loudly on cell: Listen, I don’t give a shit what time it is over there, you fucking lazy, German sack of shite.

–World Trade Center

Overheard by: alright guv’nor

Lady, about her dog: I think a Mexican family owned him. He refuses to eat anything but rice and beans.

–Diner

Girl on cell: She has this Spanish boyfriend from work who has a girlfriend. But, I guess in Spain or wherever, that’s okay.

–Union Square

Overheard by: kelsey

Girl selling Obama condoms: Buy Obama condoms, they are cheaper than a baby and easier to push than a stroller.
Mom pushing stroller: You're two years too late.

–44th & 7th

Overheard by: innocent bystander

NYU girl #1: … Like those people who kill themselves by throwing themselves onto the subway tracks.
NYU girl #2: Yeah, right? I mean, I know you want to die and everything, but could you like not make me late??

–NYU Bus

Overheard by: wow

Girl #1: I seriously love Barry Manilow. I’m gonna get Barry Manilow to perform at my wedding.
Girl #2: No, he’s gonna be dead by then.

–157th & Broadway