Local: Over there is yon castle. Scientists believe that the castle is haunted by the ghosts of unwed mothers.
Tourist: Sounds scary.
Local: You are wise to fear it.
–The Great Lawn, Central Park
Local: Over there is yon castle. Scientists believe that the castle is haunted by the ghosts of unwed mothers.
Tourist: Sounds scary.
Local: You are wise to fear it.
–The Great Lawn, Central Park
Man to tourist who has just pushed the “subway” button on elevator: That button doesn't work.
Tourist: Really?
Man: Yeah, you have to go to the main level and take an escalator.
Tourist: Oh. Then why is that button even there?
Man: To confuse tourists.
–Port Authority
Girl on phone: Yeah, I'm here. But I think I passed through the ghetto on the way. Yeah, it was definitely the ghetto. How do I know? It was really obvious: because I saw a sizzler and all the buildings looked the same!
–Penn Station
20-something girl, watching street protest: They better not have closed Popeyes for this.
–M Bus
Overheard by: BHM
Tiny white girl: I just want to go into Applebee's and punch everyone in the face.
–Times Square
Overheard by: that would pass the time…
Girl on cell: Look mom, there's a Jamba Juice. That place is like famous.
–Herald Square
Slob tourist chick to fat husband: I hate my life! Ooooh, Olive Garden!
–Times Square
Overheard by: BarcLeh
Guy rushing past crowd: Why would I go to work on the day of Barneys Warehouse sale…are you insane?
–78th & Broadway
20-something white guy: Enough of this hippie shit. Let's go to the four floor Abercrombie.
–Strawberry Fields
Overheard by: Alison
Girl: I was so depressed. I actually almost bought that leather jacket from Express. Whose bright idea was it to have the MCAT testing center in a shopping district?
–1 Train
20-something woman to another: Wow, it's just like the Westchester mall here, only outside.
–Bleecker & W 10th
Very Caucasian tourist: Holy frick! Where is The Gap?
–42nd & Broadway
Middle aged woman in hot pink, yelling: I won't shop today! I will not shop! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! I will not fucking shop today! I won't shop! Fuck you!
–Urban Outfitters
Punk rock kid to group of tourists (shouting): Hey tourists! Fuck you! (flips off entire bus)
–Broadway & 5th Ave
Loud, obnoxious man: I hate loud, obnoxious people!
–Nomad Restaurant
Girl with brutal Long Island twang: It's just, like, if you have a Boston accent, you sound, like, so unintelligent. Like, less intelligent than other people, even if you're smart. The accent makes you sound dumb.
–7 Train
Overheard by: IDigGraves94
Angry black woman: Fuck you! I'm a lady!
–Herald Square
Overheard by: Annearchist
Flamboyantly gay man on the phone: Mom, I hate you, stop being such a faggot!
–46th & 5th
Suit on cell: Yeah? Well, she's a bitch and deserves to die. You wanna know why? Because she's ugly and she talks bad about people.
–47th St & 9th Ave
Tourist chick carrying a Starbucks coffee and three shopping bags to friend: We are the type to visit Wall Street and say capitalism is bullshit!
–Broadway & Cedar
Overheard by: mondoman
Nerdy middle aged white woman to postal clerk: Yes, I'd like just one sheet of the Disney, and one of the Kwanzaa.
–Cathedral Station Post Office
Overheard by: Emily B.
Woman yelling down a stairwell: Happy holidays to you, ma'am! Hope you choke on a candy cane!
–Central Park South
Overheard by: Daisy Mae
Girl: One morning, I woke up and I thought it was Christmas. Then I went outside and I realized it's not Christmas!
–57th & Columbus
Overheard by: Have a holly jolly Columbus Day?
Irish tourist woman: You went to Macy's? Did you see outside? They have black Santas here.
–Brendan's Bar
Overheard by: Danny
Old guy scanning tickets, singing quietly to self after each bar code beep: Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way…
–Madison Square Garden
Overheard by: Oh what fun it is to ride in a one horse open sleigh!
Conductor on speaker: Ladies and gentlemen, we will be arriving shortly. In case you haven't finished your Christmas shopping, feel free to stop by the Metro North booth. You could buy a 10-trip for the kids, a weekly for the wife, or a one-way for the in-laws. Merry Christmas.
–Metro North
Overheard by: Christmas Spirit
Daughter: Okay. So we've got to take the n uptown. It should be arriving on this track soon.
Tourist mom: But that sign says the n goes to Queens. I don't wanna to to Queens.
Daughter: Yes, it goes to Queens but we're getting off way before then. It just ends in Queens, don't worry.
Tourist mom: Don't worry?! The sign says the n goes to Queens. And that it's an express! An express to Queens?! I don't think so. Let's just go take a cab…it'll be safer.
–Herald Square Subway Station
Overheard by: vmorgs
Old man: Alright honey, let's go back to the hotel.
(starts walking in random direction)
Old woman: Honey, where are you going?
Old man: I don't know, the shiny lights all around us?
–Times Square
Nervous tourist: Do you think we'll be able to find Central Park?
Confident tourist: Don't worry, we just need to look out for trees.
–Port Authority
