Wednesdays Would Sell Their Souls for Some One-Liners

Theology professor, after struggling with projection screen: This is Satan doing this to me.

–Lincoln Center, Fordham University

Crazy man with bullhorn: Hanukkah is for God, Christmas is for Satan!

–Fordham Plaza

Conductor: This is an uptown a train making all local stops. Yes, you heard right, all local stops. The e train is out of service today, as it is on a vacation to hell. Stand clear of the closing doors, please!

–A Train

Overheard by: Kirstie

Girl yelling to two friends across train: Jay-Z is like a devil worshipper. No, seriously, he's like a Freemason or whatever. They all are: him, Madonna, Britney…

–J Train

Seven-year-old tourist to mother: Are we going somewhere safe where the devil won't get me?

–34th & 28th

Posted on December 23, 2009
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Conductors, Crazies, Education, Fears, Friends, Girls, God, Holidays, Judaism, Kids, Men, Moms, Music, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Public Transportation, Queens, Questions, Satan, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, The Bronx, Tourists, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

So I Don't Get the Cartoons

Tourist #1: Do you read the New Yorker?
Tourist #2: No, I'm from Omaha.

–Times Square

Overheard by: so impressed with middle america

Posted on December 18, 2009
News, Questions, Stupidity, Times Square, Tourists

The Elderly Are As Independent and Uncooperative As Cats

Guard to elderly tourists at elevator to roof: Please swing the line around the corner.
Elderly tourist: Ve don't sving.

–Metropolitan Museum

Posted on November 29, 2009
Elevators, Language Barrier, Old People, Security Guards, Sex, The Met, Tourists

There Will Be When My Mom Gets Back from the Bathroom!

Teenage tourist boy to friend, gesturing at a gay couple: They're holding hands!
Passing art lover: There's no one holding your hand, sweetheart.

–Metropolitan Museum of Art

Overheard by: Richard Nixon

Posted on November 29, 2009
Body Parts, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Sexuality, Strangers, Stupidity, Teens, The Met, Tourism, Tourists

Why We're Still in Iraq

Confused tourist: Excuse me, I want to take the red line.
Confused New Yorker: You needed to get off at the last stop.
Confused tourist: No, I got on at last stop. Want to take the red train.
Confused New Yorker: Yes, you needed to get off at the last stop.
Confused tourist: But I'm not going to that stop.
Confused New Yorker: No, you aren't.
Confused tourist: How do I get on red line?
Confused New Yorker: Help me!

–L Train

Posted on November 23, 2009
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Directions, NYC Geography, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Questions, Tourists, Wishes & desires

Isn't Wall Street Depression Street?

Subway voice: The next stop is Bleecker Street.
English tourist #1: Bleecker Street? What's next? Unhappiness Street? Miserable Street? Depression Street?
English tourist #2: Suicide Lane. That's what's next. Now there's a one-way street…

–Uptown 6 Train

Overheard by: Percival Under Cover

Posted on October 29, 2009
Brits, Directions, Names, NYC Geography, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Questions, Stupidity, Tourists

Wednesday One-Liners Stimulate the Economy

Tourist, loudly and proudly: They have this store at the mall!

–Louis Vuitton, 5th Ave

College girl: The second floor was pointless. It was, like, just furniture.

–Ikea, Brooklyn

Woman on cell: I'm not in a store! I know what a store looks like!

–Tompkins Square Park

Perturbed NYU chick, about New Orleans: Hopefully I will survive there for two years. They don't have H&M! Or Bloomingdale's or Anthropologie. They don't have Loehmann's…

–NYU Office

Overheard by: Melanie

Middle-aged guy passing clothing store with shirtless male models at front doors: Hollister? What is it, a ladies club inside?

–NoHo

Overheard by: Arielle

Posted on October 28, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Brooklyn, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Fashion, Men, NYU, On Cell, One-liners, Questions, Shopping, Sorority Girls, Store, Students, Stupidity, The Village, Time, Tourism, Tourists, Travel, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

So, Like Canada and the U.S.?

Tourist: So what the difference between hummus and falafel?
Guy at counter: Well… one is hummus, and the other is falafel.

–Mamoun's Falafel, MacDougal St

Overheard by: Tacologic

Posted on October 25, 2009
Clerks, Compare/Contrast, Ethnic Food, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Stupidity, The Village, Tourism, Tourists

Kim Cattrall Has Fallen on Hard Times

Tourist man to girlfriend, pulling out a ring: Will you marry me?
Bag lady, interjecting: Has he made you come yet?
Tourist girlfriend, terrified: Um… no?
Bad lady: Don't marry him 'till he makes you come.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Kari

Posted on October 17, 2009
Advice, Bag ladies, Central Park, Girlfriends, Marriage, Offers and requests, Orgasm, Parks, Questions, Tourists

…In Omaha.

Hobo to tourist lady: Can you spare a dollar? Some change?
Tourist lady: Sorry, not today.
Hobo, mumbling as he walks away: Okay, see ya tomorrow.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Rebecca

Posted on October 12, 2009
Hobos, Homeless, Money & Class, Panhandling, Times Square, Tourism, Tourists

Tourists