Girl #1: He really said that, “making gravy”?
Girl #2: Yeah! About a bodily function!
–Union Square
Girl #1: He really said that, “making gravy”?
Girl #2: Yeah! About a bodily function!
–Union Square
High-school teen to friend: So, like, every guy that likes me must totally be a pedophile.
–Flatbush & Dekalb, Brooklyn
13-year-old: I mean, he’s not a pedophile, he’s just very open with his sexuality, and I like that.
–8th & Broadway
Overheard by: Kelly
Lesbian on cell: I just saw these girls and they were pretty. Really pretty. And fifteen. But then I heard them talking and I realized they were French! So it’s fine. Fifteen is legal there.
–36th St & Fifth Ave
Middle-aged teacher: I have this girl in my class that’s a six-year-old with a 46-year-old woman’s body.
–Prem-On Thai
Overheard by: office peon
Guy who just got more beer: This is the happiest place on earth… Except for that kindergarten I’m not allowed to go back to anymore.
–McSorley’s, 7th & 3rd
Overheard by: I’ll drink to that!
Seven-year-old boy running after another child: I’m a pedophile! I’m a pedophile! I’m a pedophile!
–Coney Island Boardwalk
Overheard by: that’swhathesaid
Seven-year-old boy to friend: What are you, drunk or something?
–Union Square
Ten-year-old boy to mom: Let’s get drunk! [Starts dancing.]
–W 45th St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Jon A.
Dad to three-year-old: Well, I don’t know, will you buy me a beer?
–79th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: s h
[Tiny boy is making weird faces at the window.]Sister: Mommy, I think he’s drunk.
–6 Train
Overheard by: Becca
Trashy Boston girl: I love little children. They are like little drunk real people. Except that one, because she’s foreign.
–Madison Square Garden
Pragmatic bouncer: Well, there weren’t enough women there, so we threw in a tranny…
–Broadway Caribou Coffee
Overheard by: jenny Lui
Man, to friend: So, he says to me "Oh, I have a sex-change operation scheduled for that day, so I can’t make it."
–46th, b/w 8th & 9th
Overheard by: christine
30-something woman with nose ring, on cell: She’s like a transvestite… And an ugly bird. She’s like a transvestite and an emu. [pause] It’s a really ugly bird.
–7th Ave
Overheard by: James from Jersey
Guy: So then I was like, suck my twat!
–21st & 6th
20-something girl: I had him as both a man and a woman.
–17th St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Tater
Dude: It’s been ages since I had testicles!
–Grand Sichuan, St. Mark’s Place
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Eight-year-old boy to another: You usta play dirty house with her!
–E 9th St & Ave A
Overheard by: Fred Daubert
Visibly annoyed ghetto-fab young lady, while loudly cracking her gum: They too many nationalities on this bus and most of them don’t be clean.
–57th St Bus
Overheard by: tinyfoo
Chick, looking at rat sipping from puddle: Eeeww, how can he drink that? It’s so dirty!
–6 Platform, Grand Central
Guy on escalator, to friend: … Dirty sandwich…
–E Train
Overheard by: M_C
Male student: Either you’re a dirty, stinking hippie, or you’re pretentious.
–Bard High School Early College Library
Thuggish hobo: Please! Somebody talk dirty to me!
–Washington Square Park
Girl #1: Where do you get bras?
Girl #2: Victoria’s Secret, because no one else has my size.
Girl #1: What size are you?
Girl #2: Buttloads of huge.
–St Marks Place & 1st Ave
Overheard by: Mariah
Twentysomething woman #1: When I was younger I thought eyeliner on guys was hot.
Twentysomething woman #2: Eew!
Twentysomething woman #1: No, no, when I was younger. It’s like an imaginary unicorn. You think it’s so great, but it’s not.
Twentysomething woman #2: No way, unicorns are awesome!
–Duane Reade, 14th & 1st
Overheard by: Maianess
Bum: Have a happy Wednesday!
Suit: You too, sir.
Bum: You son of a bitch! That’s it; I’m not playing. I’m not playing this game anymore.
–Union Square West
Overheard by: Larry
Socialite-in-training: So all I had in this stupid bar in Las Vegas is a vodka tonic and a whiff of cocaine and before I know it I’m making out with a guy that I distinctly remember saying "I don’t like you" to. Yeah… That happened a lot this summer…
–116th & Broadway
Yuppie: I’m in fucking Penn station, I don’t know if it’s fucking snowing outside. I hope six falls up my nose tonight.
–Penn Station
Student on cell: I mean, I could say there are people going into finance doing lines of coke on a Monday night and here I am, doing work.
–114th b/w Broadway & Amsterdam
Kid, walking out of middle school: Man, I could really use some cocaine!
–East Village
Model to friend about styling team: Yo, before I knew they were from California, I thought they were on coke…
–Crwon Heights
Overheard by: Cuttie
Yuppie to friend: No, seriously. He’s not a jerk at all. He’s a cokehead. You’ll love him.
–Essex & Rivington
Hot chick dragging male companion: But you’ll like it this time, you were drunk yesterday…
–19th & 8th
Disheveled homeless woman: Fuck that shit! I’m looking for a real drunk!
–42nd & 9th
Overheard by: Mike
Man on bike, swerving down street: Look out, get out of the way! Drunk driver coming through!
–Washington Square East and Washington Place
Overheard by: Out of the way!
Appreciative preppy girl: Even though he’s a thug and a drunk, he’s a real intellectual.
–Art Fair at the Armory
Overheard by: Gina Beavers
Drunk guy about to chug: This reminds me of middle school. Got to get the 40 down before second period!
–Stan’s, Bronx
Young woman on cell: No, I do not need to get drunk more often, stop saying that mom!
–Union Square
Overheard by: McCrum
