Motorboatable Wednesday One-Liners

20-something woman to friends: I mean they said they’d pay me $20 for it. I would show them one for $20, why not? One boob for $20? I mean, maybe they thought it was a big deal since we were at work.

–N Train Platform, 34th St Station

Overheard by: Regina

[Two young woman crossing the street. One turns to the the other and grabs her breast.]Grabber girl: Honk!
[Both giggle and cross street into Victoria’s Secret.]

–34th & Broadway

Overheard by: Chockita

Female boss to employee in low-cut shirt: Your boobs are awesome. But -I’m just gonna have to do this. [Pulls up employee’s neckline.] Because…I just wanna dive in there. Head-first.

–Theater, St Marks Place

Overheard by: fhqwhgads

Professor: So you see, men only like women’s boobs because of cleavage.

–Bard High School Early College

Tourist girls: [In unison from the door] Booooobies! [Run to the big naked lady sculpture and poses to take a picture].

–Columbus Circle

Teen girl to friend: Julia! Put your titties away!

–14th & 6th

Bored, drunken guy in a silent train cart: So does anyone wanna show their titties?

–NJ Transit

Overheard by: Not drunk enough to flash

Posted on May 14, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bosses, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compliments, Coworkers, Drunks, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, Lesbians, Lower East Side, Money & Class, Nipples, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Prostitution, Questions, School, Sexuality, Street, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Teachers/Professors, Teens, Theater, Tourists, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women, Words

Youth Is Wasted On The Wednesday One-Liner

Teen dude: You just can’t be tall and survive on a mountain!

–Halloween Adventure, 11th St & 4th Ave

Overheard by: da sarkastik ninja.

Teenage boy: Girls are so lucky… They can feel themselves up whenever they want.

–LIRR

High school girl: I said to her: "What they call you?" … And she said, "TND". And I said, "’TND’?, What’s ‘TND’"? And she said "Top Notch Diva". [Howls with laughter.] She said "Top notch". Nobody say "Top notch"… That was like, last summer… Top notch… [laughs and snickers] and then she say: "What they call you?" and I said "BB"… "Betta bills". [Howls with laughter.]

–#1 Train

Teen boy, with a sigh: Sometimes the world just isn’t as shiny as you want it to be.

–42nd St

Teenager to Mexican friend: Don’t make me call immigration on you.

–Q train, to 57th st

Overheard by: LoRna

Teen: I like the beginning part of the Dido song "Thank you", you know, the depressing part, because I can relate to it. Well, aside from the parts about missing the bus because I have a car and paying bills because my parents do that for me.

–Union Square

Overheard by: UCB

Posted on May 14, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Cars and Driving, Compare/Contrast, Death, Friends, Gender issues, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Height, Masturbation, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, Music, Nicknames & name calling, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Questions, Store, Teens, Threats, Trains Not Subway, Union Square and East Village, Wishes & desires, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Snort When They Laugh

Guy to self: Doctor Jean Grey has the most powerful orgasm of all the X-Men.

–Union Square Park

Overheard by: Stan

Engineering school chick, screaming: And I was like, ‘Oh my god, this is the worst protractor ever!’

–Columbia University

Skanky hipster chick to another: I would totally do him… But only if I had the ninja outfit on.

–Ludlow St.

[Four NYPD cops are checking people’s bags at rush hour. A man in a suit appears to be their superior.]Man in suit: But then he realizes that Jedis don’t seek revenge. [The four cops all nod gravely.]

–W 4th St Subway Station

Overheard by: KL

Fiftyish suit: Chewbacca, the original wingman…

–86th & Lexington

Overheard by: Ike

Woman on cell: I’m busy. I’ve got things to do. And right now what I’m doing is looking at comic books.

–Forbidden Planet

Overheard by: Josh

Chick: We were always competing to be chief geek… But he had asperger’s, so he won.

–Central Park

Posted on May 14, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Books & Writing, Central Park, Clothing, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Hipsters, Leisure, On Cell, Orgasm, Parks, Penn Station, Psychology, Sorority Girls, Street, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Suits, The Village, TV, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

We Should Stop Hanging Around in Trees

Girl #1: You know how lemmings commit mass suicide?
Girl #2: Yeah, so?

–10th & 1st

Posted on May 11, 2008
Animals & Nature, Default, Girls, Questions, Suicide, Union Square and East Village

Getting Blown Is More of a Guy Thing

20-something girl: I was standing there on the subway, and this guy blew on me! And I was like, “Um, what?” and he was like “You started it!” and kept blowing on me! I think he put a curse on me.
Friend: This is why I take cabs.

–4th & 6th

Posted on May 9, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Default, Fears, Friends, Girls, Public Transportation, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

Give Her a Couple of Years, Diaghilev

Four-year-old, walking with father: I can spell “Ma-ma”.
Father, to himself: Bitch didn’t teach her how to spell my name, did she?

–9th St & 2nd Ave

Posted on May 8, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Dads, Default, Education, Insults, Kids, Parents, Questions, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

Frames of Reference Were Always a Bit Different in the Lohan Family

Eight-year-old-girl: What is aged cheese?
Dad: You age cheese to make it better.
Eight-year-old-girl: You do?
Dad: Like whiskey.
Eight-year-old-girl: Ahhhh, I see.

–Starbucks, 9th & 2nd

Posted on May 6, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Dads, Default, Drinks, Food, Girls, Kids, Questions, Starbucks, Time, Union Square and East Village

When Your Relaxation Tapes Are Narrated by Woody Allen

Mom: You need to relax!
Teen girl: Why? Because I said “Oh my god”?
Mom: Just relax!
Teen girl, mockingly: Oh my god! Oh my god!
Mom: Just fucking relax!

–Union Square

Posted on May 4, 2008
Advice, Default, Girls, Moms, Offers and requests, Parents, Psychology, Should've Used a Condom, Teens, Union Square and East Village

Wednesday One-Liners Can’t Carry a Tune in a Bucket

Bum walking dog, singing: Tired of looking for love in all the wrong places, ejaculating on all the wrong faces…

–72nd St & Columbus

Overheard by: Asset

Drugged-up guy singing a song to girls on subway platform, to the tune of "Earth Angel": Earth angel, earth angel, would you be mine? Earth angel, earth angel, would someone loan me money so I can bribe her to take me hoooome…

–Union Square Platform

Overheard by: Thankfully not an earth angel

Cop #1, singing to cop #2: Look at me, I’m Sandra Dee..!

–6th Ave & Waverly

Overheard by: Jatmos

Blind panhandler, singing: Can’t take my eyes off of you…

–R Train

Young hobo, singing: Gimme some money, bitch, I need a fuckin’ pen, so I can write a sign…

–St Mark’s Place

Greyhound bus driver: We’re pulling up to Port Authority now. [Sings] My Greyhound brings all the boys to the yard, and they’re like, it’s better than yours, damn right, it’s better than yours, I can teach you, but I have to charge. La la la la la- New York City! La la la la la -almost there.

–Geyhound, Port Authority

Overheard by: carly, gina, and jenna