Frat boy: You know what I should get you for your birthday?
Girlfriend: What?
Frat boy: A funnel.
Girlfriend: A funnel?
Frat boy: Yeah, a funnel. So you can piss in a corner.
Girlfriend: I could also use it to funnel beer!
Frat boy: You'd have to wash it first.
–Starbucks, Astor Place
Girl #1 singing: Bum basket, bum basket!
Girl #2: Let’s put everything we don’t want into the basket.
Girl #1: And deliver it to bums in the neighborhood on Thanksgiving.
Girl #2: Wearing pilgrim outfits!
–3rd St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: laughing at the next table
Drunk guy #1: I need to get laid.
Drunk guy #2: Yeah? Well, I did the most post-modern girl last night.
–roof party, East Village
Overheard by: Jackie
Hobo: Was it right to be kicked out of a house for being an adult with a child mind? You don’t get it, lady. There’s a whole house of adults with child minds. Whatever. See ya! Wouldn’t want to be ya!
–F train
Queer: He totally has to understand that he’s crazy and that those Martha Stewart people are crazy too!
–27th street office
Crazy lady: Well, I think you should give me my musical instruments back because I know that you’ve been stealing them every day for the last nine years. Yes, I’m sure! I have proof. You see, that’s not music. That’s not rock and roll. That’s just crazy.
–Bedford Avenue station
Overheard by: Greg Rutter
Crazy man: I already told you I don’t have no chicken. Besides, I gave you that tree last week.
–54th & 11th
Crazy woman: I’ve got demons behind me, shit next to me, and the ugly ones in front of me. I need an angel above me.
–World Financial Center
Overheard by: Dr. Ballon
Crazy bag lady: Stay away from the people! Stay away from the idiot Mexicans!
–Union Square
Overheard by: Kaitlen
Suit: …and I swear to God, man, the whole time? That creepy deaf-mute babysitter from across the hall?…is watching me.
–46th & 8th
Overheard by: ballpeen hammer
Crazy lady: I don’t believe this. Pussyass son of a fucking faggot!
–Lexington & 23rd
Hobo: Would someone please tell Courtney Love to get her goddamned dick out of my mouth? Thank you! Would someone please tell Courtney Love to get her goddamned dick out of my mouth? Thank you! Would someone please tell Courtney Love to get her goddamned dick out of my mouth? Thank you!
–19th between 7th & 8th
Guy with fliers: Psychic readings! Only 10 dollars! Psychic readings!
Realist: Yo man, if that bitch knows where the money at, why don’t she go get it herself?
Guy, dropping fliers: Word! I’m going to go ask that bitch now!
–Union Square
Headline by: Allison
Runners-Up:
· “He’s a regular Nostra-Dumbass” – Smellface
· “I see dead presidents!” – The Amazing Gotcharocksoff
· “Miss Cleo: Your First Card Is Sucker, The 3 Of Sheisters” – the ace of spades
· “That Takes a Pair of Crystal Balls.” – DanK
· “We ALL saw that coming” – JP
· “While You’re There, Ask Her Where The Leprechaun At” – wookie
Chick: So then this huge fat lady with really bad teeth said, “This is the most fabulous party I’ve ever been to,” so I left.
–1st Avenue & 9th Street
Overheard by: Rex Danger
Girl #1: So, like, I don't understand why everything is so… strange.
Girl #2: Strange as in… mot normal?
Girl #1: I mean strange as in weird.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Jenn
Queer passerby: Oh my god, you look amazing! I love that skirt!
Chick, to friend: Don’t you love outfit validation from a gay man?!
–12th & Ave A
Overheard by: Jodi
20-Something guy #1: I loved rehab.
20-Something guy #2: I did, too.
20-Something guy #1: You know, I’m so grateful for the friends.
–19th & 8th
Overheard by: Sebastian White
Headline by: Adam Nathan
Runners-Up:
· “And Don’t Forget the Free Detox Poncho” – Toby
· “And By ‘Friends,’ He Means ‘Points of Reference.'” – Jessica P.
· “And Your Daughters Appreciate Not Having to Say They Fell Down the Stairs at School” – Fake Jew
· “However, My Intervention Was a Bore.” – Sean
· “If I Ever Get Lonely, I Know I Can Just Relapse.” – Colin McCleod
· “It’s Hard to Find People Who Understand My Smurf Porn Addiction.” – John
· “Its Just Like Summer Camp! But With No Blow” – Liss
· “So No One Told Ya Life Was Gonna Be This Wayyy (Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap)” – pete
· “That’s Spelled F-I-E-N-D-S” – Bostonian
· “They Were The Mayo On My Cold Turkey” – Hellboy
· “You Should See the Support at the Sexaholics Meeting” – Mike
Smoking hobo: Hey man, can I get a cigarette?
Smoking man: You're already smoking one.
Smoking hobo: Gotta plan for the future!
Smoking man: Now you wanna plan?
–12th St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: Jay
