Every One-Liner Has His Wednesday

Girl to friend: If it weren't for my sister's dog, I wouldn't have to drink during the day.

–Greenpoint

Overheard by: Kevin

Gay dude to another: It's so amazing how dogs get all up in there. Like, what if people had to introduce themselves that way? How great would it be if when I met you I had to sniff your ass?

–17th St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: BT

Girl on cell: So wait, did Dr Siegel really charge you 150 dollars to chop a pimple off the dog's booty?

–Hart & Irving, Brooklyn

Girl to guy: Ever spend a lot of time with a Shih Tzu?

–MacDougal & 3rd St

Female voice outside my window: And I'm keeping the dog leg–I don't even care what you have to say!

–113th St b/w Broadway & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Ladle

Posted on January 6, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Columbia University, Drinking & Drunk People, Family Ties, Friends, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Man's Best Friend, Money & Class, On Cell, One-liners, Queer guys, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Stupidity, The Village, Time, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Smokey Says, “Only You Can Prevent Wednesday One-Liners!”

Guy: So I'm like, "can I get a lighter?" and she pulls out two, and one is literally a penis with the flame coming out the tip, and the other one is a guy doing one of these moves, and the guy's like a tripod. So I'm like, "can I get one in a normal color?"

–Chinatown

African American man describing Indian restaurant to friend: That'll put fire in yo' ass.

–Midtown

Man to stranger: Hey, can I borrow you lighter? I need to go melt something in the bathroom.

–Jamaica Station

Overheard by: Tim

Conductor: Once again, there is nothing on fire! We got it under control. We apologize for the smoke. Next stop is Newark airport. There is nothing on fire.

–NJ Transit

Overheard by: Where there's smoke

Posted on January 6, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Black People, Chinatown, Colors, Conductors, Ethnic Food, Fire, Friends, Gadgets, Guys, Hard Drugs, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, One-liners, Passengers, Penis, Poop, Public Transportation, Strangers, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Trains Not Subway, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners, Approximately

Woman: Well, I still remember that 5,820 feet is a mile, 36 feet is a yard…

–Grand Central Station

Overheard by: People are wrong.

Girl, looking at guy: If I give you five dollars, will you grow a foot long?

–6 Train

Overheard by: Jeggy

5th-grader to table full of friends: Attention everyone. I have finally reached five feet!

–Cafeteria, Private School

Overheard by: Maddy

Guy on cell: Holy shit! Hello Kitty is taller than me!

–Times Square

Chubby 20-something guy, feeding chips to chubby 20-something girlfriend while making airplane and spaceship noises: The exhaust port is only two meters wide!

–1 Train

Posted on January 6, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Friends, Girls, Grand Central, Guys, Height, Money & Class, Offers and requests, On the Subway, One-liners, Physical appearance, Pop Culture, School, Science, Students, Stupidity, Times Square, Train Station, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

When Vampire Movie Scripts Go Too Far

Guy #1: Dude, Rick was totally shitting blood at my house last night…
Guy #2: It must be from all those guys he sucks off…
Guy #3: Totally!

–Midtown

Posted on January 5, 2010
Blood & bleeding, Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Poop, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Weirdness

And My Mom Said I'd Never Meet a Sweet Girl!

Yuppie chick: You want the rest of my soda?
Yuppie guy: Sure! You didn't put anything in it, did you?
Yuppie chick: I pooed in it.
Yuppie guy: Oh, in that case… (takes a sip)
Yuppie chick: You didn't know I excreted caramel syrup, did you?
Yuppie guy: I'm so happy I have you in my life!

–54th St & Lexington

Posted on January 4, 2010
Drinks, Happiness, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Poop, Weirdness, Yuppies

Facebook Calls It “Unfriending With Extreme Prejudice”

20-something hipster girl #1: What's up with that girl you used to live with?
20-something hipster girl #2: Well, it's not like I still talk to her… She won't add me on Facebook.
20-something hipster girl #1: Why not?!
20-something hipster girl #2: She tried to kill me!

–M86 Bus

Overheard by: emily darwin

Posted on December 29, 2009
Bus, Facebook, Hipsters, Murder, On the Bus, Relationships, Weirdness

Most Musicals Would Be a Lot Different If They Were Set in NYC

Group of friends, singing: Tell me more! Tell me more!
Soloist: Did she poop on your face?

–19th St & Park Ave

Overheard by: Lotte

Posted on December 27, 2009
Friends, Kink, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Poop, Questions, Weirdness

Plus I'm His Dealer.

Teenage girl: Yeah, well… I'm *really* close with the school principal.
Teenage friend, raising eyebrow: Are you?
Teenaged girl: No. I mean really close. Like, “spank me daddy” close!
(teenage friend accidentally puts the lit end of a cigarette in her mouth and starts screaming)

–59th St & 9th Ave

Overheard by: tinyfoo

Posted on December 26, 2009
Accidents, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Relationships, S&M, School and studying, Smoking, Stupidity, Teens, Weirdness

Anatomically-Correct Wednesday One-Liners

Serious guy to another: See these hands? These are my bread and butter!

–Brooklyn Bridge

Overheard by: Hi-D

Well-dressed 25-year-old on phone: Yes. (pause) Please spare me the placenta. (pause) Okay, well, as long as it's clean.

–Key Foods

Woman on cell: So, she doesn't think her body is going to be ready by then?

–32nd & Park Ave

Overheard by: Publius

Man on cell: I wish I could just take my legs off. That would be so much easier.

–45th St & Ave of the Americas

Loud chick: Yeah, I'm still taking French classes. Last week we did commands, and this week we're learning, like, body parts.

–Hudson St

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

20-something girl on cell: But I have several heads…

–Metro-North Rail

Three-year-old boy to punk girl in black fishnets, as he pokes though holes: Um… why is your legs trapped?

–Thompkins Square Park

Posted on December 23, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Cleanliness, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Education, Food, Girls, Grocery Stores, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Kids, Languages, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, One-liners, Punks, Questions, School and studying, Street, Trains Not Subway, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Sometimes, Wednesday Uses One-Liners As a Crutch

Man in shorts on cell: Well, I think what happened is he lost his pinky because of the forklift. But that's not the point of this conversation, let's talk about me here.

–186th St & Bennet Ave

Overheard by: Rina

Girl: And she's so awkward on crutches, it's so annoying!

–Grand Central

Overheard by: MR T

Guy on cell: So he tried to kill a roach and broke his knee, and that's why he's on crutches for the rest of summer.

–Union Square

Mother to young son: Sweetie, don't trip and bust your head open. I don't have no duct tape to put it back together.

–Laundromat, 48th St & 10th Ave

Blueberry salesman, as woman in crutches hobbles past: You hoppin', but you ain't stoppin'!

–Greenmarket