Weirdness

Intoxicated girl to another: So, I went into Sleepy's the other day… Apparently, you're not allowed to sleep in there.

–Belle Harbor, Queens

Overheard by: redxdress

Woman coming out of bathroom stall (yawning and stretching): Wow, I just had the most amazing nap!

–Madison Ave

Overheard by: I<3Auditors Girl to friends: I slept over at Natalie's, and I was really drunk and had taken sleeping pills…

–Staten Island Ferry

Salesgirl to no one in particular: I had the best dream about Aids last night…

–Beacon's Closet, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Joe Roumeliotis

Man on phone: Man, sometimes when I be wakin' up, my body be like "Alright, let's do this!" Then a few minutes later it be like: "Naaaah, fuck it!"

–Union Square

Overheard by: Stepheb

Father to five-year-old son as man in gladiator costume walks by the day after Halloween: That man had a sleepover last night.

–23rd & 3rd

Overheard by: We were all thinking it

Ghetto guy on cell: And then he asked me if he was gonna go to heaven and I said, "You ain't going to heaven, you are going to thug mansion!"

–125th St & Amsterdam

Thugette to thug: I killed him because he was bothering me.

–Broadway & 20th St

Overheard by: Robert G

Pretty thug in white polo (very loudly): Yo, I need to get a scale to weigh some drugs.

–Ditmars & 25th, Astoria

Thug to friend: You can't pull off the lumberjack look. You ain't the fuckin Brawny man!

–Jamba Juice, Times Square

Big thug on cell (angrily): All I'm saying is you'd *better* get your master's degree, or else!

–40th & 8th

Overheard by: Ladle

Tourist, before getting into purse-filled van: Aw shit, what did I just say? I said I was not getting into any strange vans today.

–Canal & Lafayette

Pseudo-knowledgeable tourist: It's so strange that they have turnstiles that go both ways, you know, ones that let you go in and out in the same turnstile. Every other subway station I've been in in New York has ones for entering and different ones for exiting.

–5th Ave E Station

Overheard by: Colleen

French tourist (with American accent) to French friends: Stand clear of the closing doors, please. (French tourists bust up laughing)

–1 Train

Overheard by: kdub

30-something female tourist heading to subway: I prefer the Sex and the City version of New York.

–Union Square

Overheard by: E-Love

Old woman tourist: Geez, you'd think they'd be a little more optimistic at the United Nations.

–United Nations

Teenage British boy tourist to the rest of his family, as they pass a souvenir shop: Oh! This must be where Tim got that "I heart New York" shirt! (whole family excitedly goes into the store)

–Fulton St

College girl looking for a costume: I want to be a bumblebee–but not a slutty bumblebee!

–Ricky's, Near Columbia

Overheard by: M

Suit on cell: Just put a paper bag over your head and you can be that guy! You're the paper bag guy!

–Sheepshead Bay Road (on Halloween)

Young child to mother, after walking by a large group of people in zombie make-up: Mommy, that homeless man said he wanted to eat brains!

–St. Mark's Place

Overheard by: Blair

Girl in Supergirl costume, yelling on cell: I'm so sick of walking. (pause) I said I'm fucking sick of walking! (pause) I'm just dressed like Supergirl, you asshole, I can't *actually* fly!

–E 20th, Stuyvesant Town

Loud young Latina on Halloween: I wanted to be a hooker today, but I couldn't afford the costume.

–Troutman & Knickerbocker, Bushwick

Girl to another (dressed as Wilma Flintstone the morning after Halloween): Man, the Halloween walk of shame is the worst!

–33rd & 3rd

Guy #1: God, I'm tired.
Guy #2: Do you want me to punch you in the head or something?

–6th & Martin

Suit: Dan, I said you were supposed to dress up for the bake sale.
Dan: I'll let you know that I only have two genres of clothing in my closet: Shorts and t-shirts…and a priest costume. And the priest costume is a dress!

–Fordham University

Overheard by: sromeo

Black guy #1: Nigga, fuck you! I'm straight.
Black guy #2: Nigga…you're straight gay.

–Roosevelt Ave Station

Overheard by: just straight

(tipsy older couple staggers out of book party)
Lady: What was it you said before that was so funny?
Craggy geezer: “When I was teeny I saw my papa's weenie.”
Lady: I love it!

–Mercer St

Conductor (for the fifth time): You must be in one of the first five cars to get out at South Ferry. You must be in one of the first five cars.
Black chick: We heard you the first ten damn times!
Crazy guy: You don't control the subway, Houston controls the subway!
Black chick: I don't know what you be sayin' but we speak English here in America.
Crazy guy: You don't control the subway, Houston controls the subway! …do you like Whitney Houston?

–Downtown 1 Train

Overheard by: Trey C.

Child (walking up stairs out of subway station): Can I take a break? Let's take a break here.
Mother: No.
Child: But my legs hurt, I need to take a break.
Mother: There are no breaks in life.

–Lorimer St. L Station