Asian hipster/nerd: What’s the difference between sadist and misogynist? What’s the difference between sadist and misogynist? What’s the–
Asian nerd friend: You mean masochist.
Asian hipster/nerd: Oh. … What’s the difference between–
Asian nerd friend: I don’t know!!
–6 Train
Overheard by: AmandaRoyale
Girl #1, walking into the bathroom: Are these stalls all full?
Girl #2 from inside stall: Seat's taken!
Girl #3, in stall next to her: Taken!
–Bar, 39th St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Laura
Young-looking 40-something: So, I've got some big news for you all…
Mother: Oh? Really?
Young-looking 40 something: We're adding a new member to the family!
Mother: You're pregnant?!
Young-looking 40-something: No, my daughter is. (tilts head towards teenage daughter)
–Cafeteria, Metropolitan Museum of Art
Headline by: Ryan
Runners-Up:
· “But, Okay, Yes, I Am Too” – Chuckles
· “Just Like Mom Used to Make ’em” – Slater
· “So You DIDN’T Just Save 15% on Car Insurance?” – benj
· “You Know It’s Time to Run for Vice-President When…” – Morning Glory
Cleaner: What a pair of tits on that girl! That's why we go to war, that's why we're in Iraq!
–Service Elevator, Lexington & 41st St
Overheard by: Nicky
Annoying chick, about John McCain: I mean, he was a POW because he fucked up!
–Shea Stadium
Overheard by: megan
Security guard, breaking up fight during peace march: You can't fight at the peace march! You can't fight at the peace march!
–143 & Malcolm X
Woman to screaming three-year-old: And that's why you have to register to vote! Or else they'll draft you and you'll have to go to war!
–33rd & 2nd
Girl on phone: I can just get a pass from the Israeli army. Don't worry about it. They're easy.
–NYU Palladium Dining Hall
Big old lady yelling at MTA employee: Of course they're not coming! They're too busy fucking! Masturbating! Eating donuts!
–53rd & Lexington Subway Station
Girl to friend: Oh my god, he does things to me that make masturbation seem like bland oatmeal!
–14th & 3rd
Overheard by: TheOneThatGotAway
Teen to friend: Seriously, if I was a guy for a day, all I'd do is piss standing up and masturbate.
–Queens Center Food Court
Guy on cell: Dude, if I didn't jerk off a couple times a day I'm pretty sure I'd be a serial rapist.
–Penn Station
Short nerdy businessman to another: I didn't know I was going out with her when I beat off.
–15th St & 9th St
Overheard by: Spicoli
Blond scruffy short man on headset: Do you really think girls would go for that? You think a girl would, for a chance to win $500, watch me masturbate?
–R Train
Son #1: People at the circus hide their nipples.
Son #2: What about the three-nippled man?
Son #1: He shows his one at a time.
Son #2: So how can you be sure he isn't playing three nipple Monte?
–71st Ave
Overheard by: RAS
Student: So how can we use this information to our advantage?
Professor: Well, if you were ever going to kill someone you would want to bury them in wet ground.
Student: Like a swamp?
Professor, with evil grin: A swamp would be ideal.
–Electromagnetics Lecture, Columbia University
Anthropology professor: If you have a young girl with a knife who starts ripping up her chest, wipes off the blood, and starts rubbing ash onto her, you might call her eccentric.
–SUNY
Stony Brook, New York
Overheard by: I don't think I'd call her at all.
Hobo #1: Stop it!
Hobo #2 (pulling away stops and yelling): Is this how you treat your autistic son?
Hobo #1 (shocked): You're not my son!
–34th St & Park Ave
