Wednesday Flatliners

Girl on cell: You told me that bitch was dead, but I just saw her in Key Food.

–Williamsburg

Middle school girl: No, he wasn't dead, but you'll never guess what happened.

–Penn Station

Man on phone: No! No! Do you hear me!? Listen! It's time to die!

–33rd & Broadway

Overheard by: J Harmony

Man on cell: I went back into the room 30 minutes later and he was still breathing! What are we going to do?

–8th & 34th

Overheard by: Bret B

Adorable three-year-old girl to mother: When I die you can have all of my shiny stuff!

–Uptown A Train

Overheard by: The Green Cat

Posted on December 9, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Death, Gifts, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Insults, Kids, Men, Moms, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Penn Station, Street, Students, Time, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Williamsburg

Go Back to Williamsburg, Wednesday One-Liners!

Hipster: Ugh, my mom keeps forgetting to deposit my unemployment check.

–Williamsburg

Shouting hipster: I tripped over a Mexican!

–Spring St

Overheard by: Brigdh

Hipster girl to guy she is sitting with at the bar: I should have let you cum on my bedspread.

–5th Ave & Bergen, Brooklyn

Dozing hipster, muttering in his sleep: That's what she said.

–G Train

Overheard by: Sunny

Upset hipster chick to friends: So now that my brother's going to college,they're not going to pay my rent anymore. I told my mom, "I'm twenty-five, I pay all my other bills on time, I haven't done anything wrong!"

–Union Pool, Williamsburg

Posted on December 2, 2009
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Brooklyn, Cleanliness, Cum, Dreams, Education, Family Ties, Friends, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Hipsters, Money & Class, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Sensory Experiences, Soho, Street, Stupidity, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Williamsburg

Wednesday One-Liners Paint with All the Colors Of the Wind

Young guy: If I see another blue penis it would be too soon!

–42nd St

Overheard by: alecko

Girl on cell: She just bought a merkin… It was pink, you know, to match her hair. (pause) Would you want to rub toxic dye down there?

–Williamsburg

Girl to another: Just because he is wearing a different colored shirt, he's still the same guy.

–Central Park

Flamboyant guy, shouting to girl in very short orange dress: I have that same orange dress in purple!

–South Street Seaport

Overheard by: Green Star

Mother to four-year-old wearing pink shirt and shoes: Not *everything* has to be pink, honey.

–Rite Aid, Carroll Gardens

Overheard by: Sunny

Posted on November 18, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Central Park, Clothing, Colors, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Guys, Hair, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Parks, Penis, Physical appearance, Shoes, Store, Street, Violence, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Williamsburg, Wishes & desires

…Whatever President Obama May Think

Black gay guy #1: We better get back to class. This shopping can wait for another day.
Black gay guy #2: Class can wait in the name of fashion.

–Clothing Shop, Williamsberg

Posted on November 8, 2009
Black People, Education, Fashion, Queer guys, Shopping, Store, Williamsburg

Wednesday One-Liners Meet the Fail Whale

50-something man to friends: Have you heard about Twitter? It's a new way of communicating in short text messages. Each message is called a twoo… No, a tween. No, a twain. No, a twat… No, that's certainly not it.

–Lobby, Off Broadway Theater

Overheard by: another electric guy

Guy with iPhone: I have to twitter! Does the girl with the room above the high line know she's topless?

–The High Line

Woman, while waiting for film to start: Joan Rivers just tweeted.

–Chelsea Clearview Cinemas

Guy on cell: All those food trucks? I'm not into them, but those fucking homosexuals follow them on twitter.

–Waverly Place & MacDougal

Overheard by: Sally

Unassuming hipster with group of girl friends: Sometimes I drink just so I can tweet drunk.

–Williamsburg, Brooklyn

Middle aged woman dressed like a teen, hitting on baseball fan: Your cat could definitely have a twitter page.

–F Train

Posted on October 21, 2009
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Drinking & Drunk People, Food, Friends, Gay Man's Best Friend, Gays and Lesbians, Guys, Hipsters, Insults, Internet, Men, Movie Theaters, Nudity, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parks, Questions, Rack, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Theater, Wednesday One-Liners, Williamsburg, Women, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Prefer “Gentleman Companion”

Teenage girl to friend: Boyfriends are so overrated, except not really because I really want one.

–Lincoln Center

Guy: I don't care if her new boyfriend is god–I will kick his ass!

–Church St

Overheard by: Steve

Guy to friend: Yeah, she's in Jamaica. How fucked up is that? She's 20 and in Jamaica with her boyfriend. I'm 25 and I'm standing on a train next to you.

–Metro-North

Art student: I wanna write a diary, like, "8:45, kill boyfriend."

–NYU

Man on street selling knockoff perfume: C'mon ladies, buy this perfume. It will help you get a boyfriend! Don't get a cheap boyfriend, get some cheap perfume!

–34th & 7th

Overheard by: Kiran

Girl to friend: From now on, I am only having sex with one boyfriend.

–Marlow & Sons

Posted on September 9, 2009
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Books & Writing, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Fighting and ass kicking, Friends, Girls, God, Guys, Knock-Offs, Love, Money & Class, Murder, NYU, One-liners, Public Transportation, Questions, Relationships, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Street, Students, Teens, Threats, Trains Not Subway, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vendors & Street Performers, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Williamsburg, Wishes & desires

“You Have the Right to Remain Wednesday One-Liner”

Cop to another, about uniform and belt: I can't run in this thing.

–Havemeyer & 2nd, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Sandy Riverside

Random guy, watching 300-pound gangster being arrested: He was throwing the police around like pancakes!

–14th & 7th

Overheard by: Alex

Guy with garbage bag of purses on St. Patrick's Day: Leprechaun stole my pot o' gold and left me these damn bags! Who wants to buy some stolen shit while the cops are drinking?

–46th St b/w 6th & 7th

Overheard by: Madeline

Police officer to another: He knew I was on the force, and that nigga still gave me a ticket for speeding!

–1 Train

Female train conductor: Nigga, I hate them undercover cops! Always holding the doors! You can never be sure if they cops or if they just guys with gats!

–1 Train

Posted on July 22, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Cars and Driving, Compare/Contrast, Cops, Crime and Punishment, Diet/Weight, Drinking & Drunk People, Fighting and ass kicking, Gripes, Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, On the Subway, One-liners, Public Transportation, Street, Subway conductors, The Village, Thievery, Wednesday One-Liners, Williamsburg

It's Not Delivery– It's Wednesday One-Liner!

Student: A lot more people would definitely vote if there was free pizza at polling places.

–Queens College

Overheard by: Suze

Hipster: Papa John's makes me want to have Aids.

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: Matthew K. Johnson

Drunk person: Hey! This isn't the original Ray's!

–Ray's Pizza

Overheard by: Darwin

Girl to friend: So you only need a slice of pizza to get you wet?

–Slaughtered Lamb Pub

Overheard by: sinko

Old dude carrying blue plastic bag to pigeon: Pizza! My darling! Pizza! My pizza!

–9th St & 1st Ave

Hobo to passers-by: You need a dog! Don't eat the pizza, you will get fat!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Lily

Posted on July 1, 2009
Advice, AIDS, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Birds, Compare/Contrast, Diet/Weight, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Fakes, Free stuff!, Friends, Girls, Hipsters, Hobos, Man's Best Friend, Old People, One-liners, Physical appearance, Pizza, Politics, Queens, Queens College, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Strangers, Street, Students, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Williamsburg, Wishes & desires

Thin Crust, Then?

Cashier to black man coming in with brochures and clipboard: Sir, we don't allow soliciting in here.
Black solicitor: I ain't Sicilian!

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: Holly

Posted on June 20, 2009
Activists, Black People, Cashiers, Stupidity, Williamsburg, Words

Wednesday One-Liner Is Murder!

Girl to friend: Yeah, so before I came in here I wasn't a vegetarian, but now my expectations have changed.

–New Williamsburg Cafe

Overheard by: Nick Ace

Jenny*: When I say that I'm a vegan, the other Jenny, the little Texan Jenny inside of me goes, "you are so disgusting!"

–Tisch School of the Arts

Overheard by: Southern Carnivore

White flyer lady, singing: Peeeeople! Veeeegans have bet-ter-sex, bet-ter-health, and live decades longer to enjoy it all!

–LaSalle & Broadway

Wannabe vegan on cell: Is applesauce vegan?

–Denny's

Guy: You know how vegetarians say they won't eat anything with a face? So what about that woman that got attacked by the chimp? Would they eat her? (stunned silence) Too soon?

–Steinway & Broadway, Astoria

Overheard by: Go Rangers!

Posted on June 17, 2009
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Astoria, Body Parts, Brooklyn, College, Compare/Contrast, Flyer people, Food, Friends, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Health and Hygiene, On Cell, One-liners, Psychology, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Vegetarian & Vegan, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, White People, Williamsburg