Wednesday H1N1-Liners

Sick girl: I probably don't have swine flu…but I was in Brooklyn last night.

–90th St & Lexington

Overheard by: UESider

Woman on cell: What's with this pig virus thing going around? It's killing people in Mexico, Europe, here in Queens… (pause) Do that many people eat bacon?

–55th & Madison

Overheard by: Jesus Jon

High school student, watching overheated and smoking car: What the fuck is this shit?! Dat nigga's muffler got dat swine flu!

–M86 Bus

Overheard by: Ben

Hipster guy on cell: Oh, your enthusiasm is just like the swine flu!

–22nd St & Broadway

Overheard by: BL

Amateur rapper, walking down street: If you got the swine flu, bitch, stay outta my hood! Cause the sun it is shinin' and I'm feelin' so good.

–188th St & Washington Ave

Hipster guy: Abby is a total germophobe. She was like, "what have you eaten lately?" and I was like, "a raw pig from Mexico. Is that bad?"

–76th St & 3rd Ave

Posted on September 23, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bus, Cars and Driving, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Death, Fears, Food, Girls, Happiness, Hipsters, Illness, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Musicians, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Questions, Street, Students, Stupidity, The Bronx, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Son: Women Are Evil, and This Is How We Mask Our Shame

Little Boy: Mommy, what’s THAT? [points to tampon machine in the bathroom.]Mom: It’s for girls.
Little Boy: But what does it DO??
Mom: It’s for girls.
Woman exiting bathroom stall: You’re gonna have a hard time explaining this one.

–Barnes and Noble, Park Slope

Posted on September 23, 2014
Boys, Default, Education, Gender issues, Kids, Menstruation, Moms, Park Slope, Questions, Store, Strangers, Women

“There's No Wednesday One-Linering in Baseball!”

Dad to whiny three-year-old daughter: And now you're going to try and manipulate me by crying.

–186th St & Ft. Washington Ave

Girl to friends: That's just the way the world is. You don't see me cryin' whenever someone calls me a fat bitch or a short bitch or an ugly bitch…

–23rd & 8th

15-year-old boy: Yo, I'd cry if that happened to me, but I'm just sensitive like that.

–A Train

Overheard by: pop pop

Girl: And then you know I take out my yo-yo and start dancing. And then you know I'm multi-tasking! I'm yo-yoing, dancing and crying all at the same time!

–LaGuardia High School

Woman on cell: Alex, stop crying. Stop crying. What about the breadsticks, were there at least breadsticks?

–34th & 6th

Posted on September 23, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Crying, Dads, Dancing, Family Ties, Fast Times at New York High, Food, Friends, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Insults, Kids, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Physical appearance, Questions, Should've Used a Condom, Street, Stupidity, Teens, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Tour De Wednesday One-Liners

Fat tourist: Exactly, like, I know Disney trivia, but of course I don't know general trivia.

–Ellis Island

Overheard by: Cat

Female tourist with Irish accent, reading leaflet: Jaysas lads, it only took them 14 months to build this, I wonder if it's okay like.

–Empire State Building

Overheard by: joanie

Tourist gazing up at the Empire State Building: They sure could fit a lotta hay in there!

–Outside Empire State Building

Overheard by: Duppy

Tourist: Where do they keep the cemeteries around here?

–Next to St. Paul's Cemetery/Church

Female tourist: Oh my god, I can't believe we're on the 6… Just like J.Lo.

–Downtown 6 Train

Overheard by: Courtney C.

Overzealous British tourist father, pointing at map: Okay, everyone. We're passing by Madison Square Gardens. They must be lovely at this time of year. We're on the Metropolitan Line, see? The Met Line. Just like in London. We're going to get off at Rector Street. It's the last stop before Brooklyn, so if we miss our stop, we'll be in Brooklyn, and we don't want that! Look, now there are no more numbers. When there are no more numbers in the station names, that means we're at the bottom of the underground. Oh, look, it's Chinatown. This is where all the orientals get off.

–R Line

Overheard by: office peon is one of those Orientals…

Female tourist: Know what? Fuck it, I just want to go back to my hotel room and take a shit.

–Canal St

Posted on September 20, 2014
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Brits, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Death, Disney, Empire State Building, Fat People, Hudson River, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, NYC Geography, On the Subway, Poop, Public Transportation, Questions, Race, Soho, Stupidity, Time, Tourism, Tourists, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women, Words

Raise Your Hand If You Think That Woman Spat in It

A girl finishes her Starbucks drink.

Woman: That’s right, suck it down. Good to the last drop.
Girl: For $4.50, you better believe I am!

–1 train

Overheard by: Megan C.

Posted on September 19, 2014
Coffee, On the Subway, Women

The Same Thing Often Happens to Superheroes

Meter maid cop: Excuse me, can you tell me what street this is?
Woman: It’s 25th… Aren’t you supposed to know?!
Meter maid cop: Yeah, but sometimes we get lost.

–25th & 9th Ave

Overheard by: nina bina