Wednesday One-Liners Are Also a Member

Woman on cell: The inflatable penis and inflatable vagina are for me, mom, I figured the kids could use them as pillows.

–Broadway & Worth St

Overheard by: Hoping I never go on a car trip with this broad

Passerby to man peeing in the bushes: There's a kid coming, put your cock up!

–Union Square

Scene Soho chick: He's not gay, he just loves cock!

–Uncle Nick's Greek Cuisine, 9th Ave

Overheard by: Todd

Little boy throwing marshmallows: I hit him in the penis!

–Frankfort & Rose

Overheard by: Kristen

Posted on January 20, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Kids, Men, Moms, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Pee, Penis, Restaurants & Cafes, Sexuality, Strangers, Street, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Violence, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Dear Miss Manners…

Drunk girl #1: Excuse me! Can I bum a cigarette?
(annoyed woman hands her one while grumbling in Spanish)
Drunk girl #2: She said “puta”! She totally just called you a bitch!
Drunk girl #1: Well, I have the free cigarette, so who's the bitch now?

–42nd St & Lexington

Overheard by: Sam

Posted on January 19, 2010
Drunks, Free stuff!, Girls, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, Smoking, Women

We Heart NY

Counter guy: Hey, hey, hey! You can't eat that in here!
Woman eating McDonald's directly from bag, raising middle finger: Sit on it. Spin. Call it daddy.

–Wendy's, 33rd & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster

Posted on January 18, 2010
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clerks, Insults, Junk Food & Fast Food, Restaurants & Cafes, Women

10 Wednesdays I One-Liner About You

Extremely aggressive man, shouting and pointing at woman on cell: Do not! Ever! Refer to me as from fucking Baltimore! I fucking hate Baltimore!

–2nd Ave & 4th St

Female student, anxiously, to male friend: I don't know who they are, but I'm pretty sure I don't like 'em!

–Fordham University

Overheard by: eternal student

Flyer guy: Would you like to see a comedy..? Oh, it's you again! Why do you hate me?

–Times Square

Overheard by: Sara

Hobo to passers-by: Join the He-Man woman haters club! Free membership!

–Park Ave & 31st St

Little boy, pointing with disgust at picture of Jay Leno on hot drink sleeve: Is this George Washington? I hate him!

–Hot'n'Crusty, Upper West Side

Posted on January 13, 2010
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Flyer people, Fordham, Free stuff!, Friends, Gripes, History & Geography, Hobos, Idiots, Insults, Kids, Men, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Strangers, Street, Students, Stupidity, Times Square, TV, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Have You Ever Faked a Wednesday One-Liner?

Guy on cell: We get a little crazy wearing real pants. If we go to the store or something, we'll find ourselves bickering because we're wearing real pants.

–Washington Square Park

Traffic cop, motioning people to move quicker to clear the intersection: C'mon, people! They're real cars, they hit real hard!

–Broadway & Houston

Incredulous 30-something to tourist parents, during intermission of The Lion King: Well, I'm just really disappointed. I thought there were going to be real lions.

–Minskoff Theater

Overheard by: Not at the Circus

Lady in glasses on cell: Being naked is being real.

–West Broadway & Thomas St

Overheard by: Alex S.

Posted on January 13, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Cars and Driving, Clothing, Cops, Crazy, Guys, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Parks, Physical appearance, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Theater, Theater & Dance, Tourists, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

No Married Person Would Have to Ask

Guy: Why didn't you just leave?
Woman: I wanted to wait for you, idiot.
Guy: But I said you could just go.
Woman: Whatever, dick. This is exactly why I didn't want to go.
Guy: This is why I asked you. Why do you always have to be like this?
Woman: Why did you fucking ask me if you knew I wouldn't want to go?
Guy: Because you're my wife, and that's my family. I just always thought that I could bring my wife to a family party.
Random passenger: Are you two really married? Is that really your wife?
Guy: Yes.

–LIRR, Penn Station

Posted on January 12, 2010
Celebrations/Parties, Family Ties, Guys, Marriage, Nicknames & name calling, Penn Station, Questions, Strangers, Train Station, Trains Not Subway, Wishes & desires, Women

One Way to Get Kids to Take Subway Rides in Peace

Small girl dressed as pink fairy to woman next to her dressed in brown dress with a pentacle necklace: Hi. I like your costume.
Woman: Thank you, but it's not a costume.
(long pause)
Girl: What are you supposed to be, anyway?
Woman: A witch.
Girl: But you're not really a witch, right?
Woman: Yes, I am.
Girl: No, you're not!
Woman: Yes, I am.
Girl: You can't be a witch, you don't even have a wand!
(woman proceeds to pull wand out of her bookbag)
Girl: Eeee! Moooooooommy! She's going to turn me into a frooooog!

–A Train

Posted on January 10, 2010
Clothing, Compliments, Fears, Kids, Magic, On the Subway, Parents, Questions, Women

…Minus Five Years and Twenty Pounds.

Hobo to lady: Hey, can I have a dollar?
Lady to hobo: Why? You already have a bottle of liquor, what else you need?
Hobo to lady: A fine pretty thing like you.

–Lower East Side

Overheard by: I love NYC

Posted on January 9, 2010
Comebacks, Compliments, Drinking & Drunk People, Hobos, Lower East Side, Panhandling, Questions, Women

Translation: She Loves Her Mushrooms.

Woman: So I brought Elizabeth to New York and she was obsessed with escalators!
Friend: What?
Woman: Yea, every store we went to she had to ride the escalator! She got mad at me if she saw one that I didn't take her on. I had all this stuff planned for her: shopping, a bus tour, a Broadway musical… she just wanted to ride escalators!
Friend: That's hilarious. How old is she?
Woman: Eighteen.

–FIlene's Basement Escalators, Union Square

Overheard by: K Melv

Posted on January 7, 2010
Age/Aging, Anger Management, Friends, Shopping, Store, Tourism, Travel, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Can I Hear You Say “Uncle?”

50-something ghetto woman: So like when I was younger, I was totally infatuated with my father's brother.
Ghetto friend: Amen!

–Allerton Ave, Bronx

Posted on January 7, 2010
Age/Aging, Black People, Family Ties, Friends, Incest, The Bronx, Women

Women