Jew for Jesus, holding out pamphlet: Here, have one.
Woman: Hmm?
Jew for Jesus: It's about Jesus!
Woman: Oh, I'm not interested in him. I thought it was about Michael Jackson.
–The High Line
Overheard by: emily
Jew for Jesus, holding out pamphlet: Here, have one.
Woman: Hmm?
Jew for Jesus: It's about Jesus!
Woman: Oh, I'm not interested in him. I thought it was about Michael Jackson.
–The High Line
Overheard by: emily
Pushy black woman to employee standing next to portrait studio samples: The next time I come in here, I want to see my daughter's picture up here, because she is beautiful.
–K-Mart, 34th St
Overheard by: EthanK
Guy: There were some pictures taken, involving, like, my penis and Caleb's penis and five other guys.
–4th St & 2nd Ave
Girl: Food is overrated, let's just take a picture and leave.
–100th St & Broadway
Hipster punk girl on phone: Hello? (pause) No, but I know a girl if you're looking. She also puts jelly on her toes. (pause) Who? I once sold a semi-nude photo of myself at an art show once. I think Brendan has a copy of it… no one would ever pay to see my feet. But again, I ask, who were you talking to? (pause) Dave was under the impression that I sold pictures of my extremities for money? That's awesome! I'm going to send him a picture of my elbow!
–Union Square
Overheard by: Ayenbird
Guy: The more bodies, the more pictures. That's what I always say.
–14th St & 7th Ave
(teenagers are packing into a crowded subway car where a tiny, ancient-looking bag lady is panhandling)
Woman trying to be helpful: Hey, hey, slow down, careful–there's an old lady you people are gonna knock down!
Bag lady, shouting irately: I'm not old, motherfucker!
–S Train
Overheard by: P. nut
Man: I’m thinking about learning Japanese so I can speak to my wife’s grandmother.
Lady: That’s cool.
Man: Nah, actually, I don’t think I will. She’s old and only has a couple of years left anyhow. Forget it.
–E 19th & Park Ave South
Headline by: boyhowdy
Runners-Up:
· “Besides, I Hate When She Talks During Sex” – Trey Jackson
· “But Those Gums Look So Soft & Enticing…” – wvs
· “Come to Think Of It, Maybe We’ll Stop Feeding Her, Too.” – Bobbing for Lucky Charms
· “He Clearly Has No Idea Just How Long Japanese Women Live” – Gaijin
· “Man, Fuck Old People.” – RaRa
· “She Can’t Be That Old. I Mean, Your Wife’s 14.” – RaRa
· “THAT’S for Pearl Harbor” – Daniel Patterson
Young woman to another: But do you know how big a horse dick is?
–5th Ave & Carroll, Park Slope
Girl: I'm really tired. I'm, like, an animal activist right now.
–Parking Lot, Broadway Mall
Overheard by: Lysa
Student: I'm not that sensitive. I can watch those videos where they like, torture the animal or whatever, and then I'll go eat it.
–Cardozo Law School
Asian girl: Does this make me look like a sad Panda?
–NYU Dining Hall
Columbia girl: I'd never have asked if I knew he was the one who'd killed it. But I didn't suspect him. Who'd spend their time strangling a gerbil?
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Who'd have thought?
Guido to friend: Yo, it smells like a skunk burped up a hot dog.
–Penn Station
Lady on speaker: If you have an animal, please do not put it through the X-ray.
–LaGuardia Airport
Woman to teen skater punks splashing in fountain: You know there's birdshit in that, right?
Lead teen skater punk: We're not drinking it!
–55th St Water Fountain
Overheard by: A little purel never hurt
Woman walking into apartment building: Why did I get stuck carrying the bag of butt plugs?
–Greenpoint Ave
Hot girl on cell: You won't die if you get stabbed by a dildo. (pause) Well, even if it was a hooker. What did you drink?
–Cook St & Bushwick Ave
Overheard by: cameo
Homie on BlackBerry; No, no, peep this, I said "cock ring" and she says, "like the guy from the OJ trial?" I'm dead serious!
–Rockafeller Plaza
Attractive 20-something to friend: Got hit with a sex toy!
–Pillow Fight, Union Square
Overheard by: Anna P.
Girl to four friends: And then I saw my old wooden dildo. It was wooden!
–37th St & 8th Ave
20-something girl: This is the most exciting thing to happen today! And that's saying something, considering today was a day that included buying sex toys!
–Topshop
Sobbing woman: I can’t believe he never called me back! And to think I gave him a chance!
Short friend: I bet he’s just sidetracked, give him some time!
Tall friend: Or maybe he’s with another woman!
Short friend: Oh, don’t think that! You beautiful, and smart, and… (cellphone rings)
Sobbing woman: (looks at phone) Who the fuck is Jason? (answers phone) Hello? Oh, hi Jason, this is Melinda*, remember? I went on a date with you last week! I’d just like to say, thanks for fucking my friend!
–49th & Lexington
Woman #1: I need to get a new roommate.
Woman #2: Why?
Woman #1: Because I'm getting my period on her cycle now. And tampons are expensive!
Woman #2: Maybe you should live with a guy.
–Central Park
Angry frat boy: Oh, so now I’m the bad guy? Let’s talk about you and your irrational pregnancy!
–Grand Central
Tween to friends: So, do you think I should get an abortion? I mean, I’m not even pregnant!
–TGI Fridays
Overheard by: Sara
Giggling chick: When you get pregnant, the only things that swell are your breasts!
–8th & Broadway
Overheard by: Hannah
Female security guard to friend: I don’t think I’m pregnant. There’s no way I can be pregnant, because I was only having light sex.
–Duane Reade, 23rd & 6th
Overheard by: jmike
Happy lady on cell: Guess what?! I’m pregnant! Yes, with a baby this time!
–96th St station
Overheard by: Kind of Confused
20-something chick: If I get pregnant, I am so suing Fresh Direct.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy
