Women

Wednesday One-Megapixeliners

Pushy black woman to employee standing next to portrait studio samples: The next time I come in here, I want to see my daughter's picture up here, because she is beautiful.

–K-Mart, 34th St

Overheard by: EthanK

Guy: There were some pictures taken, involving, like, my penis and Caleb's penis and five other guys.

–4th St & 2nd Ave

Girl: Food is overrated, let's just take a picture and leave.

–100th St & Broadway

Hipster punk girl on phone: Hello? (pause) No, but I know a girl if you're looking. She also puts jelly on her toes. (pause) Who? I once sold a semi-nude photo of myself at an art show once. I think Brendan has a copy of it… no one would ever pay to see my feet. But again, I ask, who were you talking to? (pause) Dave was under the impression that I sold pictures of my extremities for money? That's awesome! I'm going to send him a picture of my elbow!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Ayenbird

Guy: The more bodies, the more pictures. That's what I always say.

–14th St & 7th Ave

Also Why I Stopped Giving Up My Seat to Old People on the Bus

(teenagers are packing into a crowded subway car where a tiny, ancient-looking bag lady is panhandling)
Woman trying to be helpful: Hey, hey, slow down, careful–there's an old lady you people are gonna knock down!
Bag lady, shouting irately: I'm not old, motherfucker!

–S Train

Overheard by: P. nut

Plus, She’s Deaf. And German.

Man: I’m thinking about learning Japanese so I can speak to my wife’s grandmother.
Lady: That’s cool.
Man: Nah, actually, I don’t think I will. She’s old and only has a couple of years left anyhow. Forget it.

–E 19th & Park Ave South

Headline by: boyhowdy

Runners-Up:
· “Besides, I Hate When She Talks During Sex” – Trey Jackson
· “But Those Gums Look So Soft & Enticing…” – wvs
· “Come to Think Of It, Maybe We’ll Stop Feeding Her, Too.” – Bobbing for Lucky Charms
· “He Clearly Has No Idea Just How Long Japanese Women Live” – Gaijin
· “Man, Fuck Old People.” – RaRa
· “She Can’t Be That Old. I Mean, Your Wife’s 14.” – RaRa
· “THAT’S for Pearl Harbor” – Daniel Patterson

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Wednesday One-Liners and Tigers and Bears–Oh, My!

Young woman to another: But do you know how big a horse dick is?

–5th Ave & Carroll, Park Slope

Girl: I'm really tired. I'm, like, an animal activist right now.

–Parking Lot, Broadway Mall

Overheard by: Lysa

Student: I'm not that sensitive. I can watch those videos where they like, torture the animal or whatever, and then I'll go eat it.

–Cardozo Law School

Asian girl: Does this make me look like a sad Panda?

–NYU Dining Hall

Columbia girl: I'd never have asked if I knew he was the one who'd killed it. But I didn't suspect him. Who'd spend their time strangling a gerbil?

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Who'd have thought?

Guido to friend: Yo, it smells like a skunk burped up a hot dog.

–Penn Station

Lady on speaker: If you have an animal, please do not put it through the X-ray.

–LaGuardia Airport

Unless Somebody Dares Us

Woman to teen skater punks splashing in fountain: You know there's birdshit in that, right?
Lead teen skater punk: We're not drinking it!

–55th St Water Fountain

Overheard by: A little purel never hurt

Wednesdays Strap on Their One-Liners

Woman walking into apartment building: Why did I get stuck carrying the bag of butt plugs?

–Greenpoint Ave

Hot girl on cell: You won't die if you get stabbed by a dildo. (pause) Well, even if it was a hooker. What did you drink?

–Cook St & Bushwick Ave

Overheard by: cameo

Homie on BlackBerry; No, no, peep this, I said "cock ring" and she says, "like the guy from the OJ trial?" I'm dead serious!

–Rockafeller Plaza

Attractive 20-something to friend: Got hit with a sex toy!

–Pillow Fight, Union Square

Overheard by: Anna P.

Girl to four friends: And then I saw my old wooden dildo. It was wooden!

–37th St & 8th Ave

20-something girl: This is the most exciting thing to happen today! And that's saying something, considering today was a day that included buying sex toys!

–Topshop

Jason Concluded That Very Little of This Was About Him

Sobbing woman: I can’t believe he never called me back! And to think I gave him a chance!
Short friend: I bet he’s just sidetracked, give him some time!
Tall friend: Or maybe he’s with another woman!
Short friend: Oh, don’t think that! You beautiful, and smart, and… (cellphone rings)
Sobbing woman: (looks at phone) Who the fuck is Jason? (answers phone) Hello? Oh, hi Jason, this is Melinda*, remember? I went on a date with you last week! I’d just like to say, thanks for fucking my friend!

–49th & Lexington

Then Who'd I Have Lingerie Pillow-Fights With?

Woman #1: I need to get a new roommate.
Woman #2: Why?
Woman #1: Because I'm getting my period on her cycle now. And tampons are expensive!
Woman #2: Maybe you should live with a guy.

–Central Park

Wednesday’s Gonna Have a Little One-Liner

Angry frat boy: Oh, so now I’m the bad guy? Let’s talk about you and your irrational pregnancy!

–Grand Central

Tween to friends: So, do you think I should get an abortion? I mean, I’m not even pregnant!

–TGI Fridays

Overheard by: Sara

Giggling chick: When you get pregnant, the only things that swell are your breasts!

–8th & Broadway

Overheard by: Hannah

Female security guard to friend: I don’t think I’m pregnant. There’s no way I can be pregnant, because I was only having light sex.

–Duane Reade, 23rd & 6th

Overheard by: jmike

Happy lady on cell: Guess what?! I’m pregnant! Yes, with a baby this time!

–96th St station

Overheard by: Kind of Confused

20-something chick: If I get pregnant, I am so suing Fresh Direct.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Would Make Our Jobs a Lot Harder

Woman stuck in bathroom, kicking and banging: Help me! [Inaudible yelling in Spanish.]Conductor: Miss, don’t push the door, slide the door!
Man: Some people just shouldn’t be allowed on the train.

–NJ Transit

Overheard by: Erin

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