Wednesday One-Liners Are Starting to Show

Aloof teen: So, other than getting robbed and coming back pregnant, how was it?

–27th & 6th

Overheard by: Seamus Diddy

Female cashier, looking over cover of Star magazine: Girl, Angelina is having twins?! I tell you what, that girl needs to get her some birth control pills -and you know why? Because she hot and if I was Brad Pitt I would keep knockin’ her up too.

–86th & 1st

Girl on cell: Ugh! I can’t believe she’s pregnant again! That makes futon baby number two!

–Forever 21, Union Square

Girl checking SMS, to friends: Oh shit…[Reads.] "Happy non mother’s day, pass this on to all your girlfriends and women you know who survived another year of not getting pregnant."

–Toys R Us Times Square

Overheard by: Non Father

Guy, chasing after pregnant woman in the fruit section: It’s not a boy? I swore you told me it was a boy! Honey! Come back!

–Whole Foods, Bowery

Overheard by: office peon

Posted on November 13, 2014
About Celebrities, Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Cashiers, Cell Phone, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compliments, Crime and Punishment, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Sex, Store, Teens, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Violence, Weirdness, Whole Foods, Women, Words

Choreography in One Lesson

Girl: The problem is her butt isn’t on his neck while she’s spinning around his head.
Boy: Well, she needs to arch her back more. Problem solved. Did you do the crossword?

–Juilliard cafeteria

Posted on November 10, 2014
Advice, Artists, Body Parts, College, Girls, Guys, Students, Theater & Dance

Think Ellen Pompeo's Skin. Think Physics Lectures.

Brunette bimbo: Oh my god, this line is so long I don't know if I can hold it.
Blonde bimbo: Just think dry thoughts. Think chicken.

–Line for Ladies' Room, Movie theater, Union Square

Posted on November 9, 2014
Advice, Bimbettes, Birds, Movie Theaters, Pee, Union Square and East Village

Wednesday One-Liners Been There, Done That

(two guys bike past blowing a whistle and yelling, imitating a siren)
Old woman: Well, that about sums it up.

–Broadway & 19th

Overheard by: sweetchuck

Grandpa on cell: Okay, well, don't bump and grind with any boys!

–34th & 6th

Overheard by: Yours Truly

Older lady: I'm anti-tchotchke!

–Hudson & Bleecker

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Older woman gazing out at the pond: Well this is it! Scumbag park!

–Turtle Pond, Central Park

Overheard by: Confused

Old guy sitting on bench, to other: I'm gonna send your picture to Bellevue, so they can get the food ready for ya.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Lola

Old lady: The sex shops came in after the gays moved up from The Village in the 80s. But that's okay…

–8th Ave & 20th St

Elderly well-dressed lady to other (in front of bong shop): This place looks good.

–St. Mark's Place

Overheard by: Philouza

Posted on November 7, 2014
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Food, Gays and Lesbians, Men, Nicknames & name calling, Old People, On Cell, Pictures, Sex, Sexuality, Women, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Belch Diesel Fumes

Excited bus driver: Next stop, 6th Avenue! Herald Square! Vicky's secret! Something for everyone! Get off!! Get off!

–M16 Bus

Overheard by: nora!

Bus driver: Everyone who is exceedingly good-looking move to the back of the bus!
(people giggle but still not much room in front)
Bus driver: Well, it's good to know you're a modest bunch, but you gotta move back or I'm not moving this bus.

–Bus, Central Park West

Overheard by: passenger

Bus driver over sound system: Dis bus is out of service! Dis bus is out of service! People in da back get up, close the fucken back window, and leave!

–Bx9 Bus

Bus driver over intercom: Good morning, this is a friendly reminder that the holiday shopping season now begins the day after Halloween. Make sure to allot six hours extra travel time as the city gets rather hectic at this time.

–M23 Bus

Bus driver over intercom: Come on, move back, people. There's coffee and jelly donuts in the back of the bus.

–Crosstown Bus, 57th St

Overheard by: Flexy

Bus driver (calmly): Move to the back of the bus. I heard there is mad room in the back of the bus. Mad room. I got an e-mail up here that says there is mad room in the back. Can someone quantify how much is "mad" for me? Mad room in the back of the bus. Mad room. Mad room!

–Crowded Q 55 Bus

Overheard by: Matt

Bus driver: This is the Q44 express going to Jamaica. We are traveling along Main Street, next stop is 41st Avenue. For those of you that don't speak English: blah, blah, blah, blah…

–Bus, Flushing

Posted on November 6, 2014
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Bus Drivers, Central Park, Coffee, Directions, Food, Insults, Internet, Language Barrier, Laughter, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, On the Bus, Passengers, Physical appearance, Public Transportation, Time, Travel, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Words

And Those Squiggly Things That Aren’t Letters

College freshman: I think I’m going to minor in Accounting. Does that sound good?
Friend: Well, do you like stuff like that?
College freshman: Wait… What is Accounting?
Friend: It’s, like, spreadsheets.
College freshman: Oh, cool.

–PATH

Posted on November 4, 2014
Advice, Default, Education, Friends, Questions, Students, Trains Not Subway

Andrea Dworkin’s Kid was a Disappointment to Her

Son: Dad, can I squirt that in my face?
Dad: How many times do I have to tell you? No means no!

–Prospect Park

Overheard by: bri b

Posted on November 3, 2014
Advice, Boys, Brooklyn, Dads, Parents

Like Snowflakes, No Two Wednesday One-Liners Are Identical

Loud chick to male companion: And she sings when she orgasms! Like, "a-a-a-a-aaaah!" and "e-e-e-e-eeeeeee!"

–Downtown 1 Train

Overheard by: Ladle

Man outside Starbucks: Dude! I gave Sharon an orgasm over the phone last night. (laughs)

–Starbucks, 14th St

Overheard by: Elizabel

Subway musician: Y'all better be good 'cause Santa Claus only comes once a year. But that's between him and Mrs. Claus.

–W 4th St Subway Platform

Young man on cell: It looks like a 42-inch orgasm.

–Posman Books, Grand Central Terminal

Overheard by: ant

Hot chick to another: You're like the Mother Teresa of orgasms!

–1020 Bar, 110th & Broadway

Overheard by: Chuck Bass

Posted on October 31, 2014
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Christianity, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Grand Central, Height, Laughter, Marriage, Men, Musicians, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Orgasm, Singing, Starbucks, Store, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Train Station, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners

Wednesday One-liners Know the Facts of Life

Little girl: Keep your legs closed and your books open. My mommy says a girl can get a boyfriend and then she has to drop out of school.

–uptown A train

Woman: I ain’t gonna take that shit, a’ight! I’m gonna fuck that nigga ’til a nigga come outta me, a’ight!

–38th between 5th & 6th

Overheard by: Not That Nigga

Posted on October 31, 2014
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Education, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

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