Guy #1: Yeah, I can remember a bunch of times I've shit myself.
Guy #2: Yeah?
Guy #1: Yeah, I think I can remember all the way back to one time when I was like three.
Guy #2: Oh, man. I can remember a time like last year.
–84th St & York
Guy #1: Yeah, I can remember a bunch of times I've shit myself.
Guy #2: Yeah?
Guy #1: Yeah, I think I can remember all the way back to one time when I was like three.
Guy #2: Oh, man. I can remember a time like last year.
–84th St & York
Drunk guy: If I'm not married by the time I'm twenty-five or twenty-six…
Drunk girl: You haaaaave to be married by the time you're twenty-five.
–Lower East Side
Overheard by: very single twenty-five year old. ouch.
Moviegoer: Come on, I wanna see this potentially shitty movie!
–AMC Loews, 68th & Broadway
Overheard by: Robert Gleyberman
Guy on phone: I'm not trying to have sex with you, I just really want to see The Dark Knight.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Ross
Movie theater employee: I don't go to the movies. I watch them on the internet.
–AMC Loews, Lincoln Square
Overheard by: Holly
Guy on cell: Okay, love you, bye… Oh, and the reason she says "Foxy, you better work it out!" is because that's the name of her character in the movie.
–62nd & Broadway
Overheard by: Richard
Nerdy film major: Silent Night, Deadly Night II is the worst movie ever. It's so bad it's amazing. There's something cathartic about watching it; you leave thinking, "there is a god!"
–NYU Dining Hall
Guy leaving The Curious Case of Benjamin Button: You have to be some kind of anti-Christ to write a movie that retarded.
–AMC Loews, 68th & Broadway
Overheard by: Mark Nilges
Girl, as credits roll at the end of The Curious Case of Benjamin Button: Wow…they both lived way too long.
–AMC Loews, 68th & Broadway
Man on cell: You know I can't come over, I'm a daddy now! I have a dog! He needs me 24/7. I can't leave his sight, not even for a second! I'm just out for a moment to buy him some food, but other than that…
–Crosstown Bus
Souvenir seller: Get your doggy diary! Get your puppy program! Get your beagle bible! Get your bulldog blog!
–Westminster Dog Show, Madison Square Garden
Man at payphone: They tried to catch the hero dog, but he ran away.
–107 & West End
Overheard by: kdub
Half tone-deaf guy with guitar, singing: I'll marry you for your Green card, but I'll sleep with your sister cause she's prettier than you. She's 75 years old, never been touched by a man, let alone a dog…
–1 Train
Overheard by: CreateEvity
Man leaning out of car, to man walking Schnauzer: Excuse me…that's a Marmaduke?
–3rd Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Jeff S.
Woman on cell: If I don't get a dog soon I'm totally going to get pregnant.
–Wall Street
Mom #1: She refuses to wear slacks! She'll only wear dresses and skirts. She told me, “mommy, girls don't like to have anything between their legs except their underpants.”
Mom #2: Let's hope she feels that way til she's twenty.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Harriet Vane
Anthropology prof: Amish youth in Pennsylvania have the opportunity to go out and experience mainstream society for a period of time before deciding whether or not to leave Amish society. An overwhelming amount decide to return to Amish society. That really tells you something about the cohesiveness of this religious sect! (pause) Then again, maybe it's just because Philadelphia is the city they all go out into.
–Classroom, Fordham University
Overheard by: Martin Van Nostrand
Professor: You still need to lubricate anything that's sliding in and out.
–The Cooper Union
NYU prof: I have an aunt who is 105, and she just keeps on living. I just want to tell her, "you don't need to live for-fucking-ever. Die already, you have no quality of life!
–NYU
Columbia professor (to teaching assistant): You know, I've been teaching this stuff so long, I almost believe it.
–Classroom, Columbia University
Professor: I hope that Freud reading gave you a rise. I didn't just say that.
–NYU
Overheard by: Yeah. It did.
Dressed up overweight 20-something girl to another: We're in our 20s. We're like supposed to be slutty, right?
–Norman & Diamond
Overheard by: Guess I missed the memo 20-something girl
College girl to another: You gotta hit it and quit it, like a dude!
–W Broadway & 108th St
Overheard by: Tess
Janky fat woman: He never told me not to tramp!
–5th Ave
Overheard by: Rob
Loud thug with neck tattoos on cell: You know Stud is my son, dude. Stud just wanna hump on women all day.
–Deli, Myrtle Ave, Fort Greene
Overheard by: Myrtle & Carlton
Hipster chick to another: I was wasted! Then I saw him in daylight and said "Holy shit!"
–Havemeyer, Grand Street, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Miss Heather
Lawyerly woman to another: I told him that just because I want to fuck does not mean that we have to love each other.
–Foley Square
Overheard by: Julio
Random guy to cute girl: Good luck, honey. What you wake up with, you're stuck with.
–Jimmy Steiny's, Hyatt Street, Staten Island
Crazy man, about dog: How old is she?
Dog owner: Five.
Crazy man: Doing better than I am! (wagging finger to dog) Stay away from curried chicken!
–East River Promenade
Ghetto boy #1: Hey, honey, how old are you?
Ghetto girl: I'm sixteen.
Ghetto boy #1: Hey, you wanna trade phone numbers or aim or something?
Ghetto girl: No, thanks. (leaves)
Ghetto boy #2: Ooooooh. Damn.
Ghetto boy #1: Shut up, Justin! At least I don't date ugly-ass hos like you!
Ghetto boy #2: What about Veronica?
Ghetto boy #1: I only fucked Veronica cause I was trapped!
Ghetto boy #2: Nigga, how you be trapped?
Ghetto boy #1: Fuck, man, she weighs 300 pounds!
–Pizza Place, St. Mark's Place
Blonde in stilettos: My boss told me that she slept with Mick Jagger.
Blonde in pumps: Recently?
Blonde in stilettos: No, back when he was beautiful.
Blonde in pumps: He was beautiful?
Blonde in stilettos: In the sixties.
Blonde in pumps: That's so sad.
–Marquee's
