Girl on first date: I love animals.
Guy on first date: I love animals, too, but I see a snake and I’ll shoot it in the face.
–Union Square
Girl on first date: I love animals.
Guy on first date: I love animals, too, but I see a snake and I’ll shoot it in the face.
–Union Square
Girl #1: So, what are you wearing to this stupid thing tonight?
Girl #2: Seriously? I already told you at least twice.
Girl #1: Yeah… What I meant was, ‘What should I wear tonight?’ but I didn’t want to sound self-centered.
–Forever 21, Union Square
Chick: She has low self-esteem.
Dude: She should. She’s mad ugly.
Chick: I’ve known people who are ugly but really beautiful.
Dude: No.
Chick: No, really! I’ve seen ugly men with beautiful women and ugly women with handsome men.
Dude: I’m dumb-shallow. If you don’t look good, you can’t be my friend.
Chick: But you’re judging people. Like God.
Dude: Fuck that. I pay my own rent. I don’t need anybody. I’m straight, but all my guy friends look good. If you’re ugly, you can’t be my friend. I’m dumb-shallow. [A few minutes later] Yo, if someone says I don’t look good, somethin’s wrong with them or their eyes, ’cause I look good.
–4 train, rush hour
Overheard by: Veej
Teacher: What country do we live in?
Very enthusiastic little boy: The United States of New York!
Teacher, a few minutes later: Can someone name a state outside of New York?
Very enthusiastic little boy: Brooklyn!
–First grade classroom, the Bronx
Big latina: I want to get to the gym more often.
Bigger latina: Yeah, I need to get around to that, too.
Big latina: The problem is, though, my man tells me he don’t want to go to the gym. He said he likes my weight right now and I shouldn’t lose any.
Bigger latina: He right.
–Dunkin’ Donuts, Queens
Man: I love these chairs out here.
Guy at next table: I hate these chairs out here.
Man: Butt the fuck out of my conversation.
Guy at next table: Shut up, I just got back here. I got my ass blown off in Iraq.
–Max Restaurant, 4th St & Ave B
Skater kid: What’s the point of being gay if you like girls who dress like boys?
–42nd St, between 7th & 8th Ave
Lady on phone: Yeah, she was working at a factory, but she was passing as a man… Well, she didn’t last a week at the factory.
–Bus in Lincoln Tunnel
TA: We live in a two-gender system of society. There’s no green ‘It’s a hermaphrodite!’ balloon to put out on your front lawn.
–NYU Silver Center
Overheard by: Limey
Chick: I mean, I feel frumpy here. For real. I’m sick of being like, ‘That guy is skinnier than me, has on nicer jeans, and has better makeup.’
–26th St
Overheard by: agrees with that girl
College student on cell: Great, I’ll see you soon. Can I be dressed as a woman?
–114th & Broadway
Mom to very young son: Some things are for boys, and some things are for girls. It was cute when you were little, but now it’s time to differentiate.
–Target, Atlantic Ave, Brooklyn
Woman: See, now we’ve missed our train.
Little girl: Well it’s not my fault, it’s yours.
Woman: Of course, just like everything else.
Little girl: Especially global warming.
–ACE subway, W 4th
Man, while snatching last seat on train: Sorry lady, I got a broken foot.
Lady: So? I’ve got a broken heart.
–Uptown 6 train
Mother: Are you sure you want to eat that?
Daughter: Mom! Do you know how that makes me feel? You know how you feel when I make fun of your hair. Now compound that by a hundred. I have a Ph.D. and a fat ass. It’s who I am.
Mother: You make fun of my hair?
–Cafe, MoMA
Overheard by: nothing wrong with her hair
