Little girl: I'm gonna be 4!
Mom: In December.
Little girl: In December!
Mom: And you're gonna be this short forever. You're not gonna grow.
Little girl: Whaaa-aaaat?
–Q Train
Overheard by: Brigid
Little girl: I'm gonna be 4!
Mom: In December.
Little girl: In December!
Mom: And you're gonna be this short forever. You're not gonna grow.
Little girl: Whaaa-aaaat?
–Q Train
Overheard by: Brigid
Co-ed: Excuse me, would you mind moving over so my friend and I can sit together?
Guy in Yankees cap: I ain't moving. You can find somewhere else to sit.
Bystander: Whoa, dude, the girl just wants to sit with her friend. Why are you being rude to her?
Guy in Yankees cap: It's my seat. I don't want to move. It's my right.
Bystander: I thought you were a Yankees fan.
Guy in Yankees cap: End of discussion.
Bystander: I thought you were a Yankees fan. You're a Yankees fan and you treat ladies like that?
Guy in Yankees cap: I ain't moving. End of discussion.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Teenage girl #1: Who is Jacqueline?
Teenage girl #2: She's my fat friend.
Teenage girl #1: I had one of those. Got rid of her like two months ago. I got sick of the whole “I'm hungry, let's go eat” thing.
Teenage girl #2: Yeah, I'm thinking of getting rid of her too. I mean, she was cool for a while, but…
Teenage girl #1, interrupting: No! Fat has never been cool!
–6 Train
Overheard by: Have 2 of those
Girl on cell: Okay, how do I put this delicately? (pause) Yeah, I don't think I can. Here's the difference between you and me: when I hear that a guy I like is riddled with STDs, I cut off all ties and stop thinking of him as a potential sexual conquest. (pause) Alright, dude, but don't come crying to me when you get your first outbreak.
–Chelsea
Overheard by: tatunit
20-something girl: I swear to god: if I get syphilis, I'm spreading it.
–Penn Station
Girl on cell phone: Yeah, and then the lady asked me to take off my pants because she wanted to do an examination. Well, I freaked because it's like a fucking jungle down there, and I wasn't expecting the exam. It was alright, though, the poster in front of me with disgusting images of vaginas with warts and cysts and stuff gave me comfort that the situation could be a lot more embarrassing.
–NYU Health Center
Girl on cell: I didn't say anything about your sister having herpes!
–Hunter College
Crazy health teacher: Now I am going to speak about sexually transmitted diseases. I know this is a subject which you enjoy. (students laugh) What? It is true. Everyone begins to grow excited when I speak of this subject.
–High School, Queens
Overheard by: Sunny
Guy: I hope you got a fuckin' Dixie Cup, 'cause that's what you're gonna need to hold it!
–42nd & 5th
Middle aged suit, to no one in particular: Spoon! Spoooon! Spooooon!
–Au Bon Pain, Broad St
Overheard by: Sarah Booz
Young guy with backpack to young wife: Teacup, teacup, teacup, teacup, teacup.
–Sheridan Square
Crazy hobo on subway: Hey you! Did you take my spoon? I know you took my spoon! Why would you do that to a guy?
–Uptown 3 Train
Overheard by: Scared British Tourist
Indignant yuppie: I wanted to stab her with a fork! It's a good thing we were at a sushi restaurant.
–69th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Boy, passing smokers: Daddy, I smell cigarettes.
Dad: I know, it's smelly…
Smoker #1: Daddy, I smell obnoxious children.
Smoker #2: I know, they're smelly…
Dad, leaving: Poopie-heads.
–120th St & Amsterdam Ave
Overheard by: smoker
Little boy to man sitting across from him: It's my birthday!
Man: Well, you know what? Now you have to wait 12 months till your next birthday. I don't have to wait 12 months till my next birthday.
–R Train
Girl: How's your sister?
Doucherocket maximus: She just had a miscarriage, which was good because we didn't want her to breed with him.
–A Train
Overheard by: Sabrina
Law student #1: Are you applying for the TA position?
Law student #2: No.
Law student #1: Why not?
Law student #2: I'm not interested in helping people.
–Fordham Law School
Young hipster to friend: Remember when we sat there, I was high on Vicodin and we saw that guy take a shit in the fountain?
–Union Square Greenmarket
Rich woman yelling on phone: I don't care about your stupid laws or ethics or whatever. (pause) No, I pay you too much money not to get the goddamn drugs I want. (pause) Just write the fucking prescriptions and send them! What the fuck kind of drug dealing doctor are you?
–Metro North Train
Loud lady on cell on escalator: I'm on all these medications you're not supposed to be on when you're pregnant!
–Barnes & Noble
Overheard by: Visiting Kiran
Jock: Nothing's as bad as being allergic to Viagra, man!
–NYU Bus
Lady of indeterminate age: A craving is just a thought on steroids.
–26th st & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Lucky Gunther
Obese woman to male friend: I need to get some Viagra from my dad.
–17th St & 8th Ave
