Mother: Oh, guess what, honey? Debbie’s having a baby!
Six-year-old daughter: She’s going to be a horrible mother.
–The Met
Mother: Oh, guess what, honey? Debbie’s having a baby!
Six-year-old daughter: She’s going to be a horrible mother.
–The Met
Six-year-old girl, after careful consideration: Oh, well. That’s Ok. A baby is almost as much fun as a trampoline.
–Sidewalk Cafe
Guy to friend at 1 AM on a Thursday: Hey, I have an idea -let’s talk about how Dan fucked my ex-girlfriend! That’ll be fun, that’s a good story!
–PATH Train to Hoboken
Overheard by: Katie
Cali girl, to her roommate: We need to be more like coke whores but, like, without the coke, and not the whore part, but just like, opulent and fun.
–133rd & Frederick Douglass
Overheard by: Nathalie
Guy on cell: But, mother, maybe she wants to have fun for a couple of years before she becomes a nun.
–Midtown
Overheard by: Killer
20-something woman on cell: When I left my mom just now she said, ‘Have fun gay-tripping in California.’ Uhmmmmm?
–Penn Station
Overheard by: McF
Middle aged babysitter corralling flock of young children down the street: This should be fun… How come it isn’t? Anybody got any ideas?
–18th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Dave
Girlfriend: Oh, by the way, we have to return those things to Macy’s.
Boyfriend: Why?
Girlfriend: Because I need to buy maternity clothes!
Boyfriend: Or we could buy me an airplane ticket, because I’m leaving you.
–F train, Jay St
Overheard by: not certain he was joking
Guy: Do you think you’d be able to take a dead fetus on a plane?
Girl: Maybe on a domestic flight.
–Barnard dorm
Overheard by: babs standigio
Chick: I’m kinda concerned about this lotion I started using. It contains semen.
Dude: Ew… But so what?
Chick: Well, I think that it could make me pregnant. Like, the sperm could seep through my pores and then swim through my blood…
Dude: But your pores don’t have fallopian tubes…
Chick: But what if? I bet if I got pregnant, it would be, like, the devil’s baby.
Dude: Yeah, and you probably can’t abort the devil’s baby.
–116th & Broadway
Overheard by: Kate
Drunk Brit with arm around ugly lady: Oh, Jesus, just walking is making me horny.
–10th & 2nd
Overheard by: emilia
Girlfriend to boyfriend: Your hair is making me horny.
–B train
Overheard by: Janelle
Guy in hoodie: I don’t know — rain gear just doesn’t really turn me on.
–Williamsburg, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Ktg
Loud woman: According to recent research, a nine-month-old fetus can experience an erection.
–Bus to Staten Island
Chick on cell: … And he was, like, rubbing his erection on me, and I was like, ‘Dude, you’re rubbing your erection on me…’
–Fordham University
Lady: What are horny men doing at Build-a-Bear, anyway?
–40th & 5th
Overheard by: don’t wanna know
Female Google suit: How’s your son doing?
Male Google suit: Great! He’s 11 months now, and he’s starting to get a personality — it’s great!
Female Google suit: I’d love to see some pictures sometime!
Male Google suit: He’s got a blog!
–Elevator, Port Authority building, 15th & 9th
Thug to tourist taking picture: Yeah, bitch, I’m in your picture! I’m in your picture! Put it on MySpace, bitch!
–W 34th & 7th
Overheard by: nisey79
Thug to friend: Nigga, it’s hard to explain… It looked… like a decorated cosine curve!
–110th & Lenox
Overheard by: Curly Ku
Thugette to thug boyfriend: This ain’t Valentine’s Day. You slap me I’ll slap you back!
–Bronx-bound D train
Overheard by: Krissss
Thug to his baby, after carrying her stroller down the subway steps: Woo-hah, I got you all in check.
–6 train station, 59th St
Overheard by: Jackie
Thug: Shit. Jimmy Hoffa’s lucky he don’t gotta pay taxes.
–Brooklyn-bound F train
Overheard by: In debt on the F train
Thug: That thang was so big you could put a whole paragraph on it!
–6 train
Brooklyn guy: Cute kid you got there. How old is he?
Short-haired mom: She is 20 months.
Brooklyn guy: Oh, ‘she.’ Sorry, I didn’t realize…
Short-haired mom: That’s because gender is performance.
Brooklyn guy: [Sips coffee.]
–Vox Pop, Cortelyou Rd
Overheard by: the nearby barista
Security guard to another: … So if you really want to take a gamble you buy a baby.
–Lobby, Psych building, NYU
Woman on cell: … And then he said he gonna kick mah baby ‘cross the street!
–Union Square
Overheard by: what??
Guy on skates to chick: … And these people, they eat their babies…
–West Village
Overheard by: Joe is So Friggin Amazing
Chick on cell: So, she trusted this woman to watch over her baby, right? And then she takes the baby to the zoo for a photo shoot and comes back with the wrong baby!
–Grocery store, 8th St & Ave C
Man on phone: So, what? You don’t want me to be in the baby’s life anymore? … Well, you know what? I did your sister! [Hangs up angrily.]
–Starbucks, 66th & 3rd
Lady: So I said to my sistah, ‘I ain’t goin’ to spend my weed money on your baby’s diapers!’
–Fulton Mall
