Guy: What if I shave?
British chick: Then we're going to have a problem!
–New York Film Academy, Union Square
Guy: What if I shave?
British chick: Then we're going to have a problem!
–New York Film Academy, Union Square
Young gay: It's gay upon gay in that establishment, but not one person's dancing!
–Boiler Room, E 4th & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: That's because it's the Boiler Room
Mother to five-year-old son looking at Rockettes signage: Well, for one thing, you have to be a girl. And you also have to really long legs.
–Outside Radio City Music Hall
Overheard by: Bryan
Girl: Woah, there's no one in the dance studio. That's so ironic!
–Beacon School
20-something girl: Well, the way he was dancing, I couldn't not take his wallet!
–1st Ave & 12th St
Overheard by: rachel
Girl on phone: I gotta go to another guy because the last guy was like, "have you been sleeping with any Asian investment bankers?" and I was like, "no," and he's like, "well, then you don't have syphilis." And I'm like, "you're not a very good doctor!"
–Greenpoint
Girl on train: You should really meet this guy. He's like half witchdoctor and half… I don't know… Physical therapist.
–LIRR
Overheard by: The WC
Bag lady, yelling: What is my vital sign, asshole? Systolic… Diastolic… The fuck does that mean, Mr. Doctorman?
–6 Train
Overheard by: pretending not to have been pre-med in college
Suit on cell: What do you mean I'm being ridiculous? He's a foot doctor… He's not licensed to give rectal exams, Floyd!
–Q Train
Overheard by: EKavet
White-haired lady #1: She's gay. Didn't you hear her say, “I can tell by the look on your face you're gay”?
Friends: What?
White-haired lady #1: You know, gay! AC/DC. She goes both ways. She's gay.
White-haired lady #2: No. (pause) She said “I can tell by the look on your face you're a virgin.”
–Broadway Show
Overheard by: drewbear
Tall Mexican woman: Hey, whatever happened to that little boy?
Nonchalant short Asian woman: Well, they found his head but not his body.
Tall Mexican woman, rolling eyes: Figures.
–C Train
Little girl: Oh! Nail art, can I have it?
Mom: No, I got a problem with you today.
(little girl sulks)
Mom: I don't care if you think it's an accident: when someone hits you, you hit them back and ask questions later! When you learn this then I will buy you those nails!
–Rite Aid, Brooklyn
Overheard by: kay arrgh
Little boy: My stomach hurts!
Teacher: How does it hurt? What does it feel like?
Little boy: It's… Almost like how it feels being pregnant.
–Public School, The Bronx
Boy: If my hand was botoxed, could I hold hot things without getting hurt?
–K-Mart, Astor Place
Drunk douchebag: If I was a gay guy, I totally wouldn't cheat on my girlfriend, unless it was with a hot chick.
–Morningside Heights
Overheard by: Ladle
Guy to another, as smoking hot woman walks by: She's so hot I'd eat the corn out of her poop!
–42nd & Broadway
Guy to dinner date: I hate it when people tag me on Facebook. It's like, I'm in sweat pants! I'm a mess! I just ran three miles, leave me alone… You're gonna tag that?! Like "tap that." You're gonna "tag that"? (pause) What do you think about the waitress, pretty hot huh?
–Diner, Washington Heights
Overheard by: April Marks
Old black man: Do you know why my hands are so soft?
White girl: No… Why?
Old black man: Because I'm a pimp, and pimps always have soft hands.
–2 Train
Guy: My butt is itchy!
–7 Train
