Wednesday One-Liners Grow Hair on Their Palms

Preppy guy to preppy friends: So then she's throwing these nerf balls at me while I'm furiously beating off on her couch…

–Chinatown

Girl: Masturbation's not really my thing, but I need to be more self-sufficient.

–N Train

Angst 20-something on cell: Ya, I miss riding my bike, it made my ass look so good… Fuck! I just want to go home, smoke some weed, and masturbate.

–Central Park

Overheard by: kate

Guy: I hope this bus gets caught in a traffic jam! (looks down out of window) You may see people jacking off in their cars.

–MegaBus, Top Deck

Overheard by: EuropanGal

20-something girl on cell: Yeah, he's a big dork. Ya know what else he uses? Calculators. But that's just to masturbate.

–Macdougal & 4th

Overheard by: Billy H.

Young women on cell: Oh. My. God! You will never guess who got married! (pause) The masturbator!

–Bryant Park

Posted on November 4, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Bryant Park, Bus, Cars and Driving, Central Park, Chinatown, Friends, Girls, Gossip, Guys, Home, Sweet Home, Insults, Marriage, Masturbation, Nostalgia, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, One-liners, Parks, Physical appearance, Preppies, Questions, Science, Street, The Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weed, Weirdness, Women

Some Lengthy Wednesday One-Liners

Man on cell walking dog: What? But doesn't she know how big my Johnson is?

–Mott Street

Overheard by: Erica

20-something male, while passing sculpture of male nude: I don't get it. If you're going to make it with a dick, why make it so small?

–Time Warner Center

Overheard by: sd

Short Indian man, loudly into phone: All I wanna do is make love to you tonight… with my 11-inch cock!

–7th Ave & 35th St

Overheard by: Jenn B

Drunk guy, after fighting with girlfriend: How she gon' be mad at me 'cause I got a big dick?

–F Train

Posted on November 4, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Chinatown, Compare/Contrast, Drunks, Height, India Indians, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Penis, Questions, Sex, Street, Visual Art, Wednesday One-Liners, Wishes & desires

STOP SUBMITTING THESE!!!!

Boy at Chinese restaurant, looking at food: Is that a crab?
Girl at other table: That's what she said!

–Canal Street, Chinatown

Overheard by: eric

Posted on October 8, 2009
Animals & Nature, Boys, Chinatown, Customers, Ethnic Food, Girls, Restaurants & Cafes

Wednesday How-Many-Liners?

Tourist, looking at buildings across from Central Park: So which one is the Statue of Liberty?

–Columbus Circle

Girl: Are pork chops made of lamb?

–23rd & Park Ave

Overheard by: Nora Claire

Girl to bouncer at bar: Does this place have really awesome bathrooms?

–East Village

Overheard by: bb

Tourist: Is Chinatown closed?

–Canal St

Overheard by: Kristen

Hippie at exhibit for world's most extreme animals: Are they alive?

–Museum of Natural History

Overheard by: gregumsdagreggy

Lady on cell: Times Square's where that ball is, right?

–42nd St & 6th St

Overheard by: tourists rock

Guy: What is this? So I sign up and get a free beer?

–Designated Driver Booth, Citi Field

Overheard by: AJ

Posted on September 16, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Bouncers, Chinatown, Drinking & Drunk People, Food, Free stuff!, Girls, Guys, Hippies, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Museum of Natural History, NYC Geography, On Cell, One-liners, Queens, Questions, Statue of Liberty, Street, Stupidity, Tourism, Tourists, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Would Like to Thank the Academy

Girl to a friend: I was piss drunk when I saw The Passion Of The Christ.

–Chelsea

Skateboarding juvenile delinquent to crew: We are totally like the movie Kids, all that's left is for me to get Aids.

–Mott & Prince

Overheard by: Dirty needle or gay sex, your choice

Suit to another: The soundtrack to Big Top Pee-wee was amazing.

–St. Mark's Place

Seven-year-old Asian boy to mother, during the movie Up: He loved and he lost…

–Regal Union Square Theater

Crazy 30-something man: Excuse me! You probably think I'm looking for money. I'm not. But I'm looking for a companion! A girl, aged 18 to 25, and she must have a DVD player, so we can watch movies!

–1 Train

Overheard by: nella

Posted on September 9, 2009
AIDS, All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Chinatown, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Dating, Drinking & Drunk People, Film, Friends, Girls, Guys, Jesus, Kids, Love, Moms, Money & Class, Movies, Music, On the Subway, One-liners, Pick-up Lines, Skaters, Street, Stupidity, Suits, Theater, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Incomprehensible Wednesday One-Liners from Japan

Girl wearing yoga outfit to friend: And I'm like "you know that your face looks like a fucking cartoon character, don't you?"

–Houston & Mott

Overheard by: JohnJayinNYC

Teen boy: I don't like people. I just like Pokemon.

–Chipotle, Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: Mike N

Blipster: Girl, you know I already got a headache and then she all up in my face with that Dragon Ball Z breath.

–Fulton & Pearl

Girl, during promo network commercial before Up: It is not Cartoon Network if there are real people. I refuse to watch this show.

–Movie Theatre, Battery Park

Overheard by: Yelena

Excited man on cell: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? What are they? People love ancient Egypt way more than ninja turtles.

–Hungarian Pastry Shop

Overheard by: Casey Black

Scruffy hipster to friend: Now all we need to do is find Splinter and Donatello.

–L Train

Overheard by: lilli

Posted on August 12, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Battery Park, Black People, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Chinatown, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Girls, Gripes, Grocery Stores, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Health and Hygiene, Hipsters, History & Geography, Insults, Men, Movie Theaters, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Physical appearance, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Street, Stupidity, Teens, TV, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Cat: Fucking Tourists

Little girl to stray cat: Meow. Meowwwww!
Mother to stray cat, pulling the girl away: Woof! Woooof!

–Chinatown

Overheard by: Susan

Posted on July 11, 2009
Chinatown, Gay Man's Best Friend, Kids, Man's Best Friend, Moms, Parents

You Wouldn't Even Take One for the Team?

Guy#1: Dude, I asked you to do one thing: help me out and distract her friend.
Guy#2: Maybe you didn't notice, but her friend was a guy.
Guy#1: Yeah, and…
Guy#2: I am not gay!
Guy#1: Really?

–Mott St

Posted on June 23, 2009
Chinatown, Gays and Lesbians, Guys, Offers and requests

Straight Guys Love to Hear About My Dick

Black hipster to gangsta friend: Nigga, when I come here I feel like I'm surrounded by Jackie Chan.
Gangsta friend: My dick looks like Jackie Chan.
Black hipster: Man, why you always gotta talk about yo dick?
Gangsta friend: What are you nigga, a faggot?

–Chinatown

Posted on May 21, 2009
Black People, Chinatown, Friends, Gangstas, Gays and Lesbians, Hipsters, Movies, Penis, Questions, Race

Every Time One of Us Gets a Homosexual Urge, We Take a Shot

Frat guy: Do you guys rent out this place on Monday nights? Me and my buddies want to come back here.
Chinese woman behind bar: Yes. You want to watch football?
Frat guy: No! Gossip Girl!

–Karaoke Bar, Chinatown

Headline by: JakeP.

Runners-Up:
· “And Then We Will Paint Our Nails and Determine Who’s a Blaire and Who’s a Sabrina!” – Doesn’t watch Gossip Girl!
· “BTW, Do You Know How to Make a Cosmo?” – mark
· “Make the Reservation Under Kappa Feather Boa” – PeterG
· “She No Work on Mondays, but Little Lotus Come, You Like?” – Sim Etrias
· “Then It’s Off to Get Our Eyebrows Waxed!” – Sandy Paws
· “We Can’t Masturbate to Football Now That John Madden Retired” – Captain Sensible
· “You Can’t Watch Football on Mani/Pedi Night!” – tatts

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on May 4, 2009
Bars & Clubs, Chinatown, Chinese, Football, Frat Boys, Friendship, Headline Contest Winners, TV, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women