Pregnant lady: My tummy hurts, it's either gas or the baby.
Husband: How can you tell the difference?
Pregnant lady: By which exit is used.
–Katz Deli
Overheard by: M. McOrmick
Pregnant lady: My tummy hurts, it's either gas or the baby.
Husband: How can you tell the difference?
Pregnant lady: By which exit is used.
–Katz Deli
Overheard by: M. McOrmick
Young lady: Stupid people have more fun!
–Chrystie & Housten
Overheard by: Probably True…
Middle age woman to young woman pushing stroller: Well, this is a stupid place for a stroller!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Would the street be safer?
Oversized hip-hop boyfriend to undersized girlfriend: I'm being stupid for your benefit.
–Duane Reade
Woman buying ibuprofen: It's not a virus. My mother's got a headache from everyone being stupid.
–Inwood
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Girl smoking on the sidewalk to smoking friend: He's perfect. Except that he's kind of dumb. But he's perfect!
–34th St & Madison Ave
Overheard by: Katface
Husband: What do you want to do?
Wife: I want to get a massage.
Husband: You want a Chinese massage? I’ll put on stilletos and walk on your back.
–12th & 4th
Overheard by: lbp
Guy to friend: Oowee! Some weed and a perm! That's my perfect New York day.
–West Village
Overheard by: Joe
Conductor: Step in, stand clear…let's go New York!
–1 Train
Overheard by: Ashley Nelson
Intoxicated creepster: Are we in Manhattan? What the hell! This city is so full of New Yorkers!
–St. Mark's Place
Overheard by: Lizzzzz
Bitter man on subway: I think one summer here would cure them of any love they have for this town.
–1 Train
Passerby to surprised-looking wife, watching fight: They're fighting. It's New York, that's what people do in this city.
–City Hall
Overheard by: ascorbique & almost famous
Grinning paramedic to female tourist in shock, strapping her to backboard after she was struck by a car: Welcome to New York!
–34th St & 7th Ave
Overheard by: Mateo que Feo
New Jersey wife: Well, when you get lemons–you make lemonade!
New Jersey husband: That's bullshit! Did you ever hear of the lemon law?
–W 72nd St
Homeless guy dropping cigarettes while following foreigners: A brother drops his smokes and you gets a-steppin’?! I smoke Newports! You can’t get this in no garage! Hey! Hey! How about givin’ me some money? It’s for the children, for the children!
Lady: No!
Homeless guy to lady’s boyfriend: Wow, there’s evil! So much evil comin’ from this one. You’re good, though, I can tell.
Boyfriend: Yeah?
Homeless guy: Can you feel that? Can you feel that, brother?
Boyfriend: Yes, I can feel that.
Homeless guy: You know what that is?
Boyfriend: No, what is it?
Homeless guy: It’s the feel of the crack of yo’ asshole burnin’! [Homeless guy runs away.]
–Bleecker, near Sullivan
Headline by: pheeze
Runners-Up:
· “Another drive-by psychic reading from Triumph the Insult Comic Bum” – Angus McIntyre
· “Jesus Is My Roid Cream” – en_ki
· “That Port Hasn’t Been New In Years” – dan
· “The wrong way to hand out Taco Bell coupons” – Jon Trudel
Girl: Just tell me!
Guy: Well what do you think? Do you think I cheated on you, yes or no?
Girl: No!
Guy: Wrong.
–Williamsburg
Overheard by: Emma
Boyfriend: This song was in ‘Beavis and Butt-head do America’!
Girlfriend: Yeah?
Boyfriend: I love that movie … And I love you.
–Dunkin Donuts, 26th & 7th
Overheard by: Kai Nagai-Rothe
Redneck couple #1, looking at clocks: Look, honey, Chicago's an hour behind us. Why's that?
Redneck couple #2: That's because they don't celebrate daylight savings time.
–Times Square
Dude: Can you stick out your freakishly long tongue again?
Chick: Only if you promise not to put a macaroon on it.
–Radio City Music Hall
Overheard by: it really was freakishly long
