Teenage black girl to white guy and black girlfriend: Take her to Red Lobster! Red Lobster is the best. It's like an expensive date restaurant.
50-something black guy, interrupting: Red Lobster? Are you fucking serious? Red Lobster is fast food!
Teenage girl, after rethinking: Well… There's a Denny's in Brooklyn.
–LIRR
Girl on bench, to guy in whose arms she is snuggled: Get your shit together and decide if you like men or women before you come around trying to date me!
–Battery Park
Woman to friend: What's with all these bi-colored, bi-curious tomatoes?
–Farmers Market, Union Square
Overheard by: Dave
Thug on cell: Yo! You didn't know that? (pause) Yeah man, he love pussy, but he love dick too!
–6th St b/w 1st & 2nd Ave
Drunk blonde: I like both black guys and white guys. Does that make me bi?
–Joshua Tree Bar, Hell's Kitchen
Overheard by: Mon
20-something guy dressed as Edward Cullen for Halloween: So anyway, I walk in, and they are both sitting there, playing with each other's erections…
–Bedford Ave & Berry St
Overheard by: Marie Miller Barnes
Ginger kid in audience, as photo of awkward Asian teen sticking banana in his mouth is projected on movie screen: I am definitely aroused.
–Tisch School of the Arts
Joggers to another: Raging hard-ons!
–Prospect Park, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Katie
20-something girl to another: How could he not go out with you? I mean, you gave him a boner at Relay For Life!
–Union Square
Overheard by: Becca
Black woman #1: So, she's got him at her place setting up her new furniture while she's out fucking another guy.
Black woman #2: Where does he think she's at?
Black woman #1: Her hair done. She's got him convinced that it takes eight hours to relax that short shit.
Black woman #2: Man, that's why a white man should never date a black woman. I'd never get away with that shit with my man.
–Port Authority Bus Terminal
Overheard by: Overhearer
Burly father to daughter, passing grizzly bears: I have no compassion for stuffed animals.
–Bronx Zoo
Overheard by: Tarah
Guy to friend: I'm totally going to try to hook up with a dolphin when I'm in Cozumel.
–St. Mark's & 3rd
Girl: I would love to have sex with a cheetah!
–Bronx High School of Science
Overheard by: urbanadventurer
Girl carrying reindeer head on bicycle rickshaw: It's not a moose head, it's a reindeer!
–4th Ave & 3rd St
Woman on cell: So are you still dating the tortoise man? (pause) So is this a good or bad thing?
–Bergen & Court
Overheard by: Staying away from the herpetarium
Girl: I don't date much.
Guy: Why not?
Girl: Umm… No reason.
Guy: Are you a lesbian?
Girl: No!
Guy, pointing to a girl walking by: Would you date her?
Girl, thinking it over: I actually might.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Andrew
Young suit #1: So she told me next week was better for her. Do you think that means anything?
Young suit #2: I don't know, man! (laughs)
Young suit #1: Well, she told me she can go swimming!
–Elevator 3rd & 44th
20-something man walking into restaurant: I'd never bring my grandmother here for a date!
–27th & Lexington
Teen: That shit was sick! That shit was sick! I wanna go home and slap my grandmother!
–94th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Slapped her how?
Ghetto dude in fight with girlfriend: Your grandmother is a bitch!
–Murray St & Church St
Guy to friend: My grandma used to chase us around with fly swatters…
–Houston & Allen
Woman on phone: Mommy, how many people do you know who have been raped as much as her? None, exactly!
–Midtown East
Overheard by: dtrain
Woman on cell: And I didn't get raped on the subway today! It's always a good day when I don't get raped.
–6th Ave & 10th St
Overheard by: that's always good
Teen meathead on cell: Wait what? I can't really hear you. (pause) You got raped? Wait… physically or emotionally? (pause) Both? Shit.
–American Eagle Dressing Room
Overheard by: Alyssa
College bro to friend: Nah, dude, it's even better than a date rape drug!
–East Village
Girl: There are some girls who he would be more likely to rape. She's not one of them.
–Graham Ave
Girl on phone: I'm so sick of this! He keeps making excuses not to see me! I feel like I'm being used! (pause) No, really. (pause) I just can't deal anymore! We only hang out when he wants sex! (pause) And his excuses! Ohmigod! They are getting so lame. (pause) If it's not his work or boss, it's his nanny or his wife or his kid. (pause) I mean… what's his deal?
–Broadway & 20th St
Overheard by: Cali in NYC
Hispanic woman: And meanwhile the husband is in fucking Iraq, and she cheats on him with the UPS guy! What can brown do for you!
–7th Ave, Park Slope
Suit on cell: The love, the dirty sex, and the money… It's all going so well, and yet so sneaky. (hangs up, then dials another number) Mary, I think he's finding out… (pause) It's not my fault I am fucking my best friend's wife.
–79th St & Madison
Overheard by: Anna
Girl yapping on cell: It was amazing. I mean, I looked hot. (pause) Yes, I wore the naked dress. He took one look at me and had the "Uh-oh, can't control myself" expression. (pause) No, girl, his fucking wife is in town! I mean, whatever.
–51st St & Lexington Ave
Woman: He cheated… On JDate!
–26th & 8th
