Man: Why do you always have to bring that up?
Woman: Oh, come on, your penis is huge! It's one of the biggest I've ever seen! (gestures with hands)
Man (looking around nervously): Are you crazy? We're in a public place!
Woman: What? No one is listening.
–Lumi Restaurant
Blue-collar guy holding elevator door: Have a good night.
Older professional lady getting off elevator: Peace out.
–Office Building, Park Avenue
MTA employee high-fiving another: That's why I always wear my uniform to court. I ain't no thug; I ain't no criminal; I work for the City of New York!
–127th & Lenox
Female suit to friend: Welcome to New York. Have a good day somewhere else.
–Washington Square South
Overheard by: Hey, I like New York.
Crazy bag lady to parents of babbling toddler: Shut your fucking kid up! If you want PC, this isn't the fucking place!
–AirTrain to Jamaica
Barista: I keep forgetting that "New York" doesn't equal "World."
–Grand Central
Overheard by: Chris K.
Girl on cell: A blood draw, a pelvic exam, and a shot in the ass all on the same day… Yeah, well, it is New York.
–Lafayette & Franklin
College girl #1: So I think I’ll just get the whole thing waxed, so that the next time I go, it just won’t hurt that much.
College girl #2: I don’t get it.
College girl #1: Like, I’ll be hairy the first time, so it will hurt, and then when I go back, I’ll be like: “Oh, that wasn’t as painful as the first time.”
College girl #2: Shit, shut up! You’re so loud! Now that guy knows you have a hairy vagina.
–Union Square Train Station
Overheard by: the trainman
Hipster passing large, bald man blocking doorway: Excuse me.
Large, bald man: What are you in a hurry for?
(hipster points to condoms and goes to the counter to pay for them)
Large, bald man: You’re totally on a condom run!
(hipster smiles and glances back to the man)
Large, bald man: Did you pull out of that shit?
Hipster: Nope, just having marathon sex.
Large, bald man: I’d high-five you, but I know where those hands have been.
(hipster leaves, laughing)
–Deli, 7th Ave & Christopher St
Overheard by: a
Strange Latino man to girl: Excuse me, but I was wondering, do you like poetry?
Girl: (stares for a moment) Um, vomit.
–104th St & Broadway
Fat woman #1, at intermission: Man, these seats are tight!
Fat woman #2: Oh my god, tell me about it! My butt is killing me!
Fat woman #1, to skinny guy sitting in between them: Was I spilling over into your seat?
Skinny guy: You both were.
–New Amsterdam Theatre
Overheard by: Ali
Suit on cell: So what does he think, he’s going to, like, eat scrambled eggs with these people and then they’ll sit down and talk about it?
–Shore Road, Brooklyn
Yankee fan: So, we was talkin’ to him and we was all like: "Let’s go to a bar!" And he was all like: "I like poetry" so the guys pretty much ditched him, so I was left with ‘im, and had to talk about his feelings and shit. It sucked.
–Yankee Stadium
Overheard by: I like poetry.
Religious flier nut to friend: We can’t talk about that out here because then they’ll know what we’re about.
–Delancey and Ludlow
Overheard by: Adrienne
Student (shouting): Okay, everyone: I’m doing this whole "day of silence" business so none of you better talk to me! I’m not supposed to say anything and I will be so pissed if anyone of you trick me into talking!
–Millennium High School
Overheard by: I’m staying silent…
Hysterical teenage girl on bus: Well, maybe you should have talked about it before you conceived me!
–M34 Bus
Overheard by: nina
Curly-haired chick on cell: I’m glad I can talk to you about my pubes with such ease.
–Harlem
Overheard by: Nipples McFreaky
Teen girl on cell: Yeah, I have a problem keeping my fingers out of my vagina.
Guy friend (to her back): Wow. You have never been hotter.
–Madison Square Garden
Blonde: So I started calling my students “nizzle”.
Brunette: “Nizzle” means “nigger”.
Blonde: Oh. My. God.
–A Train
