Drunk girl, seeing dog: Oh my god! That is the cutest cat I've ever seen!
Drunk friends, nodding: Yes!
–Bleecker St
Overheard by: Alyssa
Drunk girl, seeing dog: Oh my god! That is the cutest cat I've ever seen!
Drunk friends, nodding: Yes!
–Bleecker St
Overheard by: Alyssa
Hot law student: But then she was like, “but he's gay?”
Less pretty friend: No way!
Hot law student: I know, so I just laughed and said my boyfriend's defo not gay.
Man on next table: I don't mean to be rude, but if you're always like this I can see why he would be, I'm thinking of interior decorating as we speak.
Hot law student, whispering to friend: Obviously a closet.
–Tavern on the Green, Central Park
20-something woman on cell: So I'm like, "Be a man and go in the ladies' room!"
–19th & 7th
Overheard by: tycho anomaly
40-something suit on cell: Why do I have to be the girl?
–University Place & 14th St
Overheard by: rich
Meathead: To the point where the hottest women in Thailand are men. But I mean, no homo or anything.
–Uptown 5 Train
Overheard by: Can't vouch for this
Woman on cell: So yeah, men and women are different. Anyway…
–High Line Park
Overheard by: hudson williams-eynon
Guy, looking at friend's iPhone: Ugh, I really didn't need to see shemale penis today.
–99 Below Restaurant
Overheard by: Calvin SC
Fat chick to friends: And then he said I reminded him of Rosie O'Donnell! (starts hysterically crying)
Friend #1: How? Like because you're funny?
Fat chick: No! Because I'm fat! (continues crying)
(man walking by bursts out laughing)
Friend #2: It's not funny!
Man walking away: Yes it is!
–7th St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Jesse H.
Larger woman in elevator eating Snickers bar: No matter what I do, I can't lose no weight!
Less fat friend: Mm-hmm.
(elevator goes one floor up and stops. Both go to get off)
Suit #1: Unbelievable, no wonder you have weight issues.
Larger woman: What? 'scuse me? What you know about me?
Suit: Other than you are fat, can't take the stairs for one floor, and are stuffing your face with a king size Snickers?
Less fat friend: Shit, he do know you.
–40th & 8th
Overheard by: SandmanEsq
20-something man walking into restaurant: I'd never bring my grandmother here for a date!
–27th & Lexington
Teen: That shit was sick! That shit was sick! I wanna go home and slap my grandmother!
–94th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Slapped her how?
Ghetto dude in fight with girlfriend: Your grandmother is a bitch!
–Murray St & Church St
Guy to friend: My grandma used to chase us around with fly swatters…
–Houston & Allen
Preppy guy to preppy friends: So then she's throwing these nerf balls at me while I'm furiously beating off on her couch…
–Chinatown
Girl: Masturbation's not really my thing, but I need to be more self-sufficient.
–N Train
Angst 20-something on cell: Ya, I miss riding my bike, it made my ass look so good… Fuck! I just want to go home, smoke some weed, and masturbate.
–Central Park
Overheard by: kate
Guy: I hope this bus gets caught in a traffic jam! (looks down out of window) You may see people jacking off in their cars.
–MegaBus, Top Deck
Overheard by: EuropanGal
20-something girl on cell: Yeah, he's a big dork. Ya know what else he uses? Calculators. But that's just to masturbate.
–Macdougal & 4th
Overheard by: Billy H.
Young women on cell: Oh. My. God! You will never guess who got married! (pause) The masturbator!
–Bryant Park
Loud girl to friend: How the hell do you lose your vibrator?
–4th St & 2nd Ave
Guy on cell: Yeah, I'm just waiting in line at Whole Foods. Still want me to bring the dildo over?
–Whole Foods
Gay man to boyfriend: I'm glad we could come here and show your coworkers that we really do buy lube for our sexual adventures.
–The Leather Man
Overheard by: i don't go to sex shops with my boyfriend
Creepy older man on phone: Someone should really dildo her.
–5th Ave & 58th St.
Overheard by: Courtney
Girl, loudly: Why didn't you tell me you bought lube?!
–Crowded NYU Elevator
Overheard by: S
Large woman to group of friends: And if someone asks a question, I just wave a dildo in front of their eyes!
–Brooklyn Museum
Overheard by: Liat
Hispanic teen to friend: Yo, none of the danger signs are in Spanish! “Do not lean on the doors, do not hold the doors.” The city doesn't care if we fall off the train and die!
Friend: Then you guys better start looking at the fucking stick figures!
–Uptown E Train
Overheard by: Tara
Ghetto Latina: He's so fucking stupid! This morning I kissed him goodbye and said “you're my world.” and he goes “why you gotta be so dramatic?” Like, what the fuck?
Ghetto black friend: Damn!
–Houston & Hudson
Overheard by: Suit
