Girls

Easy, Breezy, Beautiful: Wednesday One-Liners

Woman on phone: So, should I continue not being a whore or should I go get an emergency Brazilian?

–Lexington Ave & 58th

Girl to friend: No, I can't do tomorrow afternoon. I am getting waxed for the weekend. Just in case.

–3rd Ave & 80th St

Salesgirl to customer: You so have an exfoliating face!

–Sephora, 57th & Lexington

Overheard by: Amanda

Creepy hobo on payphone: So, you're doing your nails? Mmmmmm…

–Bleecker & Thompson

Overheard by: Thompson

Girl with pounds of makeup on: Yeah, I'm going on lunch right now. I am so exhausted, I did five makeovers today. Yeah, I am so tired…I had a butch.

–Elevator, Macy's

Overheard by: K Melv

Thug: All I want is a mani-pedi.

–72nd & Central Park West

Overheard by: wb

It's True: Whores and Strippers Have Entirely Different Skill Sets.

Guy: Why would I want to watch you strip?
Girl: Why not?!
Guy: Because you're a fucking whore!

–37th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Danielle

Headline by: Russ

Runners-Up:
· “And There Isn’t an ATM Around Here.” – Jesse
· “I Prefer to Get My Lap-Dances From Nuns” – PeterG
· “Not One Of Those Stripping Whores!” – the grene kni3t
· “Not Wanting to See Tits Is One Of the Early Warning Signs Of Being Fabulous” – Drew
· “Whore Becoming a Stripper, Synonymous With Actor Becoming a Singer” – erwilson

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Little Girl: Mom, Why Do Fat Girls Wear Tight Clothes?

Chick #1, passing little girl on the street: Did you see that little girl?
Chick #2: What?
Chick #1: She gave me the stink eye! That little four-year-old bitch gave me the stink eye!
Chick #2 (turns around to look at the little girl who’s still staring at them): Holy shit, she’s still looking! That bitch is crazy. Run!

–Union Square

When Sleeping with the Boss Doesn't Even Guarantee Success, You Know the Apocalypse Is Near

Girl #1: Well, I guess they are going to lay off half of my hedge fund.
Girl #2: That's awful! What are you going to do?
Girl #1: Well, the job market totally sucks right now–I think I'm just going to sleep with the CEO. He's been flirting with me forever.
Girl #2: Well, you might as well just look on Craigslist–he's going to be broke in two months anyways.

–59th & Lexington

Hits Me Hard Since My Left Lung Collapsed

Girl: Damn, it’s really cold!
Guy: I know! I hate having to smoke outside in this weather.
Girl: Totally — they should let us smoke inside when it gets like this. Cold weather is bad for your health, y’know?

–29th St, Astoria

Overheard by: Jah Shu Wah

Your Editors Find Themselves Drunk With All the Possiblities

20-something girl to friend: You can't be serious!
Friend: Tasteless clear liquid, I'm telling you what.
20-something girl: Hey, are you in jail? Are you on fire? Then shut the hell up!

–Lexington Ave

Overheard by: Victoria Lynne Blakeman

If the Wednesday Fits, One-Liner It

Young thug to friends: Stop, stop, stop! Stop, seriously, stop. C'mon, I'm not kidding! Seriously. I have shoe phobia!

–Metro-North Rail

Guy with shoe in hand, catching up to woman who lost it: Here you go, Cinderella!

–Manhattan Mall

Overheard by: thorn

Manager of ladies' shoe store: It's easy to close. You put the hooker boots–all this hoochie stuff, with the hooker boots, you put the flats with the flats, you put the day shoes with the day shoes. Now, Narnia over there is another story…

–Macy's

Overheard by: Sarah R

Chick to guy: If you buy me Jimmy Choos, I'll have your baby.

–Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: Lets hope she'll have the baby anyway…

Four-year-old girl stepping out of taxi: Mommy, can we go online to buy shoes today?

–Upper West Side

Overheard by: …wow.

How Do You Think I Got Into That Sorority?

Girl #1: I want to get pregnant in March. Let's get pregnant in march.
Girl #2: Wait, where are we now?
Girl #1: My uterus is ready.
Girl #2: I had a full checkup, and my uteri are great.
Girl #1: Oh my god, you have two uteruses? You are awesome! You have utters. You have yoo-utters!
Girl #2: Yeah, I have three breasts.

–Cafe near Columbia

Overheard by: DL

Think Of It As Getting Paid to Watch Bad TV

[Man enters train.]Man: Damn! I have jury duty today…
Random girl: Dude, that sucks. I’m sorry. But hey, it could be worse.
Man: Yeah, it could be worse, I could be on trial.

–R Train

Like Where Mommy Stores Her Tension

Four-year-old girl reading tag on the platform: B-A-C-K-F-A-T!
Supportive dad: Yeah, honey! That spells ‘back fat’!

–Ft. Hamilton Pkwy station

Overheard by: howardbannister

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