Guys

Girl: Do you have any plans tonight? Maybe we can do something.
Guy: Can't…I gotta get up early tomorrow to work.
Girl: You suck nads.
Guy: Only on Tuesdays…

–54th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Biscuit-lover

Guy in suit: They have been trying to figure why all the bees are disappearing, but they haven't performed any autopsies yet.
Other guy: Really? Well, aren't they disappearing because of cell phones?
Guy in suit: Why would they start disappearing now, then? Cell phones have been around for a while.

–50th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Autopsy?

Male Columbia student: So I really need an idea for a business venture.
Female Columbia student: How about, you da pimp, they da hos?

–112th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Megan W.

20-something yuppie guy: You said your name is Demetria?
Sassy black teenager: My name is Demetriatis: Rhymes wit' goddess, cause I'm da hottes'.
20-something yuppie guy: So your name is Demetria?

–PATH Train

Homeless dude #1: I need something to read when I go to the bathroom.
Homeless dude #2: I got “Can you afford to retire?”

–Broadway & W 4th

Overheard by: Danielle

Drunk balding fratboy in elevator: Dude who's that chick in the picture on your phone?
Tall friend: Oh, it's my niece.
Drunk balding fratboy in elevator: Buzzkill.

–Bowlmor Night Club

Overheard by: Revere La Noue

Bro #1: I mean, you can't turn that down.
Bro #2: Right, you can't turn that down! I mean, she had boobs!

–University Place & North Washington Square

Overheard by: Anna P.

Drunk guy #1: I haven't really done anything past missionary.
Drunk guy #2: Dude, why?
Drunk guy #1: Well I did do this one where she bent over and my balls kept on smacking her ass.
Drunk guy #2: Doggie style?
Drunk guy #1: No, not doggie style, I've seen dogs fuck, and it wasn't like this, like my balls were really smacking her ass, it made a sound. I watched dogs, their balls don't make a sound like that. It was like a smack, you know.

–PATH Train

Homeless man, watching cute little mouse: That mouse is aggressive! It'll attack you if provoked.

–Central Park

Concerned Long Island tween, pointing at a rat in the tracks: Oh my god, how did a squirrel get in here? Seriously, we should help it.

–W 4th St Station

Father to daughters, with head cocked up listening to dark void in the platform: Hear that, girls? The rats are playing.

–96th & Broadway Subway Platform

Overheard by: sueinthecity

Random blond chick: I don't wanna be the fricking mouse.

–Asian Restaurant, Chinatown

Dude: I was raised with rodents.

–Hunter College

Eight-year-old Italian kid to another: Hey, you know that bracelet you got at the feast? The next day I saw a mouse with it around his neck, swear to god!

–Lorimer & Maujer, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Natalya Petrovna

Woman: So my friend was going to vote for Obama, but now, since her boyfriend is from, like, Alaska, she's going to vote for McCain instead.

–Store, 2nd Ave

Woman to friend: Joe says he weighs 145 but he's a Republican. You can't trust anything he says.

–Pinetree Lodge, 35th & 1st

Hobo on street corner: Vote for McCain. Get nuclear rockets shot up your ass and eat moose burgers all day!

–W 3rd & MacDougal St

Overheard by: Matt

60-something woman dressed like teenybopper, talking about Sarah Palin on cell: She proves you can be pretty and smart. She's more than a bulldog in a pantsuit; she's like Alaska Barbie!

–Penn Station

Yuppie dad to whiny daughter: Barack Obama doesn't like it when his daughters whine.

–Caroll Gardens

Middle-aged, white man on cell: Do not call me at this number again. Never call me at this number again. Listen, if you call me at this number again I will, in fact, vote for John McCain.

–Tea Lounge, Cobble Hill