Wednesday Will Go Nazarene on Your One-Liners

Black woman: Sixteen dollars? That paper better be made out of Jesus's ass.

–Barnes & Noble, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: Emily B.

40-something to friends: And what's going on with the fucking baby Jesus over there?

–Starbucks

Guy on cell: In my class, we were talking about how Jesus was a Viking warrior.

–Queens College

Woman, about Matt Lauer and Katie Couric: See, this is why Jesus Christ and the Pharisees didn't get along.

–22nd St & Park Ave

Overheard by: Rachel Peters

Woman on phone on the night before Easter: No, I do not want you at my house right now. (pause) I'm going home to watch The Ten Commandments and read my bible–Jesus is coming back tomorrow!

–B44 Bus

Overheard by: Micah

Drunk high school girl: If Jesus had discovered a cure for dry mouth, he'd be a lot more popular!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Smudge

Posted on July 16, 2015
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Black People, Books & Writing, Bus, Christianity, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Friends, Guys, History & Geography, Insults, Jesus, Medicine, Money & Class, Movies, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, On the Bus, Queens, Queens College, Questions, School and studying, Sorority Girls, Starbucks, Store, Street, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

The Wednesday Bone's Connected to the One-Liner Bone…

Man with beard to friend: You should stick with her. I mean, she's giving you her kidney!

–77th & Columbus

Teen hipster, commenting on girl's nose: It's not too nosy, but you know it's a nose.

–Starbucks, 71st & Broadway

Overheard by: Maddie

Girl: She just really needs that second body, you know?

–W 16th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Emily B.

Guy yelling to friend: So I said "My rectum? My rectum!?"

–Broadway & John St

Guy on phone: No, bitch, you rub my belly!

–Houston St

Conductor over intercom, after train stops: Folks, I apologize for the delay, the conductor had to make a pit stop…when you get old, your kidneys start to fail.

–Metro North Train

Overheard by: Kristin

Posted on July 16, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Apologies, Ass, Body Parts, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Conductors, Friends, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Insults, Love, Men, On Cell, One-liners, Passengers, Pee, Physical appearance, Public Transportation, Soho, Starbucks, Street, Teens, Trains Not Subway, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

I Also Failed My Logic Class

Transplanted valley girl: I had so much sex sophomore year, but, like, I could never get a boyfriend!
Guy: Hmmmmm, weird!

–E 6th St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: pete gunz

Posted on July 16, 2015
Compare/Contrast, Default, Education, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Idiots, Relationships, Sex & Relationships, Street, Union Square and East Village, Wishes & desires

And Now This Greek Chorus Follows Me Everywhere, Prophesying Doom

Bro #1: Well, did you know she was your cousin before you had sex with her?
Bro #2 (obviously upset): No!

–Fordham University

Posted on July 16, 2015
Family Ties, Fordham, Guys, Incest, Questions

Smells Like Peen Spirit

Douchey guy #1, wearing a shirt with the word Wang across it, his face buried in a shrub: Dude, I just smelled bush in public.
Douchey guy #2, wearing the same shirt: Dude, I love smelling bush in public.

–60th & Broadway

Posted on July 16, 2015
Guys, Private Parts, Sensory Experiences, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness

…Once I Get It Back from What's-Her-Name on the Fourth Floor.

Girl: So I don't steal from privately owned places and shit, I steal from like CVS.
Guy: The funniest thing I ever stole was a five-dollar finger vibrator.
Girl, excited: Did it work?
Guy: Yeah, it was the shit! You can borrow it anytime.

–NYU Dorm

Overheard by: Mika

Posted on July 15, 2015
Compare/Contrast, Dildos and Vibrators, Girls, Guys, NYU, Thievery

Hey, John the Baptist Enjoyed Blowing Lines as Much as the Next Guy

Guy in monk costume: I mean, it would be so easy to hide in this outfit.
Friend: Yeah, really.
Guy in monk costume: I'll just shoot it under the robe. I mean, after all, it is Halloween!

–26th & 5th

Posted on July 15, 2015
Drugs, Fakes, Friends, Guys, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Weirdness

Actually, He Was Only Cuban in College

A man waves goodbye to two guys trying to help him with the subway map and departs the train.

Guy #1: Was he drunk?
Guy #2: No, he’s just Cuban.

–Queens-bound N train

Overheard by: Javi

Posted on July 14, 2015
Guys, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, On the Subway

Boys Don't Wednesday One-Liner

Mom to small children: Well, we all have parts. And these parts talk to our bodies and tell us we are a boy or a girl. And sometimes these parts get confused.

–Washington Square East

20-something girl to male friend: You're a dirty girl! You're a dirty girl! You're a dirty girl!

–N Train

Overheard by: TR

Mother to gender-transitioning son, questioning plans for surgery: Are you a boy trapped in a girl's body? I'm getting a face lift, and it's because I'm a young person trapped in an old person's body.

–39th & 9th

Man in yellow and green track suit and aviator sunglasses: Nah, I can't go. That's when I'm having my breast reduction.

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Ems

Teenage boy: I don't wanna be on that block, son! I know too many trannies on that block!

–Bedford & Grove

Overheard by: How many is too many?

Guy on cell, leaving message: Hello, Dave. This is your mother.

–Tisch School of the Arts

Overheard by: Bruce Lee

Teen boy: Fear me, I have vaginitis!

–Staten Island Ferry

Overheard by: Jingles

Posted on July 14, 2015
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, College, Families, Ferry, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, Insults, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Parks, Physical appearance, Private Parts, Queer guys, Questions, Rack, Sexuality, Staten Island Ferry, Surgery, Teens, Trannies, Vagina, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Wishes & desires

Don’t Tell Me How to Do My Job

Girl: And to think I wasn’t sure what was going on with him! Then last night I was like why would someone care so much about my underwear if they didn’t want to get into it?
Guy: That’s a great question.
Girl: Isn’t it?
Guy: That should be on OverheardInNewYork.

–Perry Street

Posted on July 14, 2015
Bimbettes, Clothing, Dating, Guys, Questions, West Village

Guys