Woman on bike to jaywalking pedestrians: Jesus fucking Christ, get the fuck out of the road.
Guy: Fuck you, bitch! (to friends) Did I just say “fuck you, bitch” to a biker?
–Rivington & Essex
Woman on bike to jaywalking pedestrians: Jesus fucking Christ, get the fuck out of the road.
Guy: Fuck you, bitch! (to friends) Did I just say “fuck you, bitch” to a biker?
–Rivington & Essex
Drunk girl: (hiccuping)
Friendly gay guy: Oh, are you growing?
Drunk girl: (stares at him blankly)
Friendly gay guy: Oh, my puppy is growing, and whenever she is growing she gets the hiccups.
Drunk girl: I'm not your fucking dog!
–Elevator, Midtown Apartment Building
Overheard by: Meghan Monaco
Midwestern tourist to New York businesswoman: Is this where I can get the Long Island expressway?
Businesswoman, exasperated: Are you *fucking* kidding me?
–Grand Central Station
Overheard by: Kiki
Queer: I hate Mexicans, first they jump our borders, then they don't even attempt to speak English.
Tan chick: Fo' reals! I've met some that have been here their entire lives and never bothered to learn English.
Crazy man: Oh my god! Why do you have to be so goddam racist all the time!?
Tan chick: What? I was just making a point, goddammit, I am Mexican!
(five minutes later)
Black lady: Yo! D'shaun! Get yo' ass over here nigga!
Crazy man: I hate black people! They're so goddamn loud, they need to shut up!
–L Train
Overheard by: shocked
Black teenage girl #1: They're always fighting and everything! Bunch of sorry-ass boyfriends we got!
Black teenage girl #2: Like they all proud of their scars 'n shit.
Black teenage girl #3: I think we oughtta do the Lysistrata thing!
Black teenage girl #1: Say what?
Black teenage girl #3: (whispers something to friend)
Black teenage girl #1: Oh, I could never do that!
–Downtown 2 Train
Young woman: She's a gay prostitute!
Friend: Who told you that?
Young woman: Everyone and her mother knows Miley Cyrus is a gay prostitute! Look at her!
–Park Slope
Asian fag to white hag: So if a natural disaster happened and Long Island had to be evacuated, we'd, like, all be screwed!
–2 Train
Overheard by: Kosi
Woman on cell: You all should come to Long Island. They're fucking civilized over there.
–Battery Park
Overheard by: Smitten Kitten
Hipster on cell, suddenly yelling: Mom, I live in New York City, not Long Island! New York City! Get a map. I live in New York City.
–Greenpoint
20-something blonde on cell: Uh… Long Island… that's on the East Side, right?
–John St & Cliff St
Overheard by: BennyP
Jersey girl to Long Island guys: Oh my god! I've never been to Long Island! I'll need rockstar directions! Oh, and I totally have camel toe!
–51st & 6th
Overheard by: Fanx 4 that
Girl wearing yoga outfit to friend: And I'm like "you know that your face looks like a fucking cartoon character, don't you?"
–Houston & Mott
Overheard by: JohnJayinNYC
Teen boy: I don't like people. I just like Pokemon.
–Chipotle, Brooklyn Heights
Overheard by: Mike N
Blipster: Girl, you know I already got a headache and then she all up in my face with that Dragon Ball Z breath.
–Fulton & Pearl
Girl, during promo network commercial before Up: It is not Cartoon Network if there are real people. I refuse to watch this show.
–Movie Theatre, Battery Park
Overheard by: Yelena
Excited man on cell: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? What are they? People love ancient Egypt way more than ninja turtles.
–Hungarian Pastry Shop
Overheard by: Casey Black
Scruffy hipster to friend: Now all we need to do is find Splinter and Donatello.
–L Train
Overheard by: lilli
Girl with snake around her neck to stranger: He doesn't really like people or sudden movements.
Stranger #1: Then why the fuck do you have him out in New York City?
Girl with snake: Because he likes fresh air.
Stranger #1: I repeat, then why the fuck do you have him out in New York City?
Stranger #2: Well, my snake loves people! (grabs his junk)
–Greenwich Village
Overheard by: erin
Hipster guy: So, are you doing anything tomorrow night?
Girl: I don't think so.
Hipster guy: Cool. I'll get you the address for the place my band is playing at. We can hang afterwards.
Girl: Awesome!
Girl's mom, to hipster: Don't bother. She's 17. And you're a pedophile.
Hipster guy: Oh. Right. Sorry. (leaves)
Girl: Goddamn it, mom! You're such a fucking cockblock!
–Jules Jazz Bar
Overheard by: Millie
