Grumpy old women on subway: Hey, you! I paid two dollars for this and I am tired. Give me that seat!
Teen: Umm… ahh… What the fuck?
–M Train
Overheard by: Zach
Grumpy old women on subway: Hey, you! I paid two dollars for this and I am tired. Give me that seat!
Teen: Umm… ahh… What the fuck?
–M Train
Overheard by: Zach
Pissed-off girl, fighting with friend: You outer-borough trash!
(10 minutes later)
Friend: Why did you even call her that?
Pissed-off girl: That's what she is!
Friend: But you're from Staten Island!
–Karaoke Duet 35
Overheard by: Slugs
Angry woman, venting: Oh, but he doesn't know I scrapbook like a motherfucker.
–M&J Trimming
Girl, screaming: Fuck you, International Baccalaureate!
–Brooklyn
Really angry guy on cell: I'm talkin' about mothafuckin' cookies and apple juice!
–23rd & 6th
Overheard by: Q
Well-dressed black man, addressing entire train: Ladies and gentlemen, I'm here to talk to you today about… fucking. You see, everybody likes to fuck. My parents love to fuck. My ex-wife–she loved to fuck. President Obama, he enjoys fucking…
–Q Train
Overheard by: Hunter
Six-year-old girl to mother, ready for day at the beach: Shit, mom! It's fucking raining!
–Q Train
Suit on cell, cheerily: Okay, fuck you, bye!
–7th Ave & 50th St
Overheard by: dignell
Crazy lady: Excuse me, excuse me, white faced nigga bitch?
White girl: What?
Crazy lady: What? You ain't never seen a zebra?
–Rockaway Park
Patron to bartender goon: I'll have a hot cocoa, please.
Bartender goon: Cocoa? What the fuck do I know about cocoa?
–Diner, 14th St & 6th Ave
Headline by: Leary Blaine
Runners-Up:
· “His Mom Used to Give Him Beer Before Bedtime” – Vasyl
· “It’s Like a Hot Carl, but with Marshmallows” – I’ll have one straight up
· “It’s Like a Sex on the Beach, Only with Dark Sand” – Sandy Paws
· “Just Kidding… Password Accepted; Third Door on Your Right” – Dustin
· “The Same Question That Got Him Fired from Starbucks” – version
· “Unless You’re Referring to That Stripper That Used to Work Here” – Ramsey
· “Way to Go Glen Cocoa” – Mean Girlz
Hobo with guitar, singing: My girl! That white girl is my girl! She may look like Brooke Shields but she's my girl! My girl! Oooh-ooh… Come on, everybody, sing with me, Puerto Ricans, too!
–1 Train
Overheard by: Tater
Drunk Puerto Rican father to man on train, yelling: The capital of Puerto Rico is the Bronx, bitch!
–6 Train
Overheard by: Alice Dalice
Guy, about some girls: I tried to tell them I was Puerto Rican, but they kept saying I was from Spain and called me a douchebag.
–East Village
Overheard by: NYCGlamDiva
Diner waitress: Just because he's Puerto Rican don't mean he's a cheetah.
–Park Slope
Overheard by: monkey girl
Asian girl to Hispanic guy: Come on! She's, like, the Puerto Rico of Asia!
–Jamba Juice, Mercer & Houston
Gluttony
Cashier lady: Damn, thank the Lord it's Friday! I'ma go to the heights and get me some margaritas and some quesadittas and get drunk and fat and happy. Damn!
–Duane Reade
Overheard by: Sam
Lust
Woman to male friend: Oh, that sucks! I'm such a whore…
–5th Ave & 12th St
Greed
Teenager on school field trip eating sushi and talking to chaperon: Daddy, can I borrow some money for the gift shop? My credit card is down to its last $200.
–Metropolitan Museum of Art Cafe
Sloth
Hipster, seeing that there was construction on the train: Ugh, what are we–going to have to walk places now?
–L Train
Wrath
Library staff: Group study room people, we know who you are. Because we have your IDs. Please come downstairs and pick them up so we don't have to unleash our wrath on you.
–Brooklyn College Library
Envy
Two woman walking tall dog: I mean… can you believe that I used to carry him in my Givenchy bag and wrap him in cashmere as a puppy? I would be jealous!
–Bleecker & Spring
Pride
Girl, grabbing her ass: Don't you just love my ass? My ass rocks. I love my ass!
–Battery Park
Girl to 20-something friend: Apparently, you can get pregnant if he looks at you across a crowded room!
(shocked pause)
20-something: Oh my god! Are you serious, I can?
Girl, glaring at friend: Are you serious? Asshole!
–Franklin Ave, Brooklyn
Woman to teen girl: Where did you get those fabulous blue eyes?
Brown-eyed dad: From her mother.
Woman: But blue eyes are recessive.
Brown-eyed dad: You have no idea what a bitch her mother is.
–City Hall Park
Overheard by: Big Larry
Hipster turned emo #1: So, I was thinking that I should just dye my hair black, wear a lot of dark eyeliner, and talk about how much my mom hates me.
Hipster turned emo #2: I think that's a great idea, but you also need to stop representing yourself as a happy individual, and make sure that the black eyeliner has that smudgy look.
Goth fat kid with way too many piercings: Shut the fuck up already. You're wasting my oxygen.
–Union Square
