Bowling for Wednesday One-Liner

Drunk thug, reflecting on his baby-mama's new man: I love motherfuckin' guns, and that's the bottom line, but I don't wanna go to jail.

–Bar, Cortelyou Road

Boy to limping blonde struggling to keep up: Oh my god, if you were a horse I would shoot you.

–NJ Transit

Overheard by: The Game

Father to two small children, pulling them away from the register: C'mon, guys. Let's go before mommy shoots herself.

–Forbidden Planet, 13th & Broadway

Loud black girl: It's Manhattan, I don't have to worry about getting shot.

–NYU

Guy on cell: Hey man, aren't you tired of being shot?

–Queens Center Mall

Posted on September 2, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Bars & Clubs, Black People, Boys, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Families, Family Ties, Girls, Guys, Insults, Kids, Malls, NYU, On Cell, One-liners, Only in New York, Parents, Prison, Queens, Questions, Shoot, Store, Suicide, The Village, Thugs, Trains Not Subway, Weapons, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

I Love This Town

Truck driver to cab driver: What the fuck is wrong with you? Get the fuck outta the way!
Guy pushing baby stroller: Fucking cunt!

–Crosby & Houston

Posted on August 31, 2009
Cabbies, Cars and Driving, Conductors, Dads, Insults, Nicknames & name calling, Only in New York, The Village

Also the Premise Behind All Of Quentin Tarantino's Movies

Mom: I've told you to stop cursing so much!
Daughter: And I've told you, if I stopped cursing all the time, the other words in my sentences would get lonely!

–Central Park

Overheard by: Katherine

Posted on August 31, 2009
Central Park, Girls, Insults, Moms, Parents, Parks, Words

Even the Dogs Can Recite This Story by Now

Middle aged dad: Reminds me of something I saw around 1968. This hippie had two dogs…
Teenage daughter, interrupting: One was named Shitsy McFuck and the other was named Fucksy McShit.
Middle aged dad: I guess I told you that story before, huh?
Teenage daughter: So many times, I can't believe you're not in a nursing home.

–In Line to see Art Exhibition, W46th St

Overheard by: Big Larry

Posted on August 30, 2009
Dads, Family Ties, Insults, Man's Best Friend, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, More museums, Names, Parents, Teens

…Which Isn't Degrading If She Likes It.

Girl: She doesn't have sex.
Gay guy: Ugh. Why not? She looks like a dirty whore.
Girl: I don't know…
Gay guy: Like the kind of whore you'd spit on after cumming on her face.

–Bryant Park

Posted on August 29, 2009
Bryant Park, Cum, Girls, Insults, Physical appearance, Promiscuity, Queer guys, Questions, Smegma, Weirdness

Are You Saying They Should Have Bigger Things to Worry About?

White teen bimbo #1: I can't believe I got that parking ticket! Police have nothing better to do.
White teen bimbo #2, totally serious: Yeah, I mean… they still don't know who killed biggie, but they have time to give parking tickets? That's fucking ridiculous.

–72nd & Columbus

Overheard by: soyloaf

Posted on August 25, 2009
Bimbettes, Cops, Crime and Punishment, Insults, Murder, Stupidity, Teens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, White People

If It's Not Popping/ I'm Not Stopping

Angry ghetto chick #1: Bitch, after what you did to me, I ain't gonna wear no lip gloss to yo wedding!
Angry ghetto chick #2: Oh, bitch, you can try, but I will put the lip gloss on you!

–Columbus & 65th

Overheard by: Liat

Posted on August 24, 2009
Anger Management, Ghetto Chicks, Insults, Makeup, Marriage, Threats, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

But It's the New Trend in Long-Distance Relationships!

Angry young man: She fucking broke up with me over a handjob!
Impassive friend: Well, how did that happen?
Angry young man: I was about to cum, and she was there, right there!, you know? Between my legs! So I told her I was going to, and she just fuckin' stared at me. I was like, “Baby, this is coming.” Seriously. It does happen. “Lift your shirt up or something,” I said to her. You know? And she just, fuckin', on her knees, shuffles backwards and to her left–a good three yards away- still whacking me off. So, I'm like, “Baby, what the fuck? You can't give a handjob from across the room.” You know, dude? That's like one of those fucking old people extending claw arm shits jerking you off from the corner when you're sitting in the center of your room! Fuck, dude!
Impassive friend, laughing: Yo, I'd blue-ball you, too, if you called me a fucking robot while I was getting you off!

–Forest Hills

Overheard by: FrankALank