Who's Gonna Hold Wednesday's Hair While She One-Liners?

Self-tanned woman on BlackBerry, pushing stroller: I'm gonna puke because you're not here with me!

–American Eagle

Overheard by: liveyourlife

Cheerful woman on cell: Oh yeah, I been getting mad nauseous on this bus! But I ain't putting my face near that toilet back there, nuh-uh. I'd rather get sick all over myself.

–Chinatown Bus to DC

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Guy waiting for n train: I just want to fucking go home and puke in my own fucking toilet!

–Canal St & Broadway

Woman: I come out of the bathroom after three hours of him barfing, and people think we were having sex! You think I'm that hot at 46 to go shag my boy in the middle of a party? And even if I were, I would have been gone for, what? Like, ten minutes? Max!

–Time Warner Building

Girl to friends: I definitely think gay vomit would be the prettiest.

–Perry & Bleecker

Overheard by: other contenders?

Posted on October 7, 2009
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Body Parts, Bus, Celebrations/Parties, Cleanliness, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Home, Sweet Home, Hook Ups, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Public Transportation, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Store, Street, The Village, Time, Vomit, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Kinda Cool How Those Italians Are Carrying It, Though.

British female tourist: That's the Statue of liberty?
British male tourist: I don't get it.
British female tourist: It's just a bloody fucking statue!

–Battery Park

Overheard by: Stephanie

Posted on October 3, 2009
Battery Park, Brits, Foreigners, Insults, Questions, Statue of Liberty, Tourism

Wednesday One-Liners Will Cut a Bitch

Ghetto fabulous sister to another, walking out of bar: You gotta be a classy ho! Bitch!

–Fulton & Lafayette, Brooklyn

Woman on cell: No! He wants a fight and I'm going to fuck her up! I'm going to snap that bitch in half! (pause) I will snap that bitch in half! (pause) Okay, I love you too. (hangs up) Oh, she messed with the wrong bitch!

–27th St, between 6th and 7th

Overheard by: Hungry

Blonde yelling on cell: I was not being a bitch or picking a fight! I was saying "I love you, and these are my concerns"!

–27th St b/w Park Ave & Lexington

Overheard by: V

Girl to another: That's when I knew I was a bitch. My homegirl got kicked in the head by a ho… and I laughed!

–Coney Island Ave & Newkirk

30-something suit: I just need a bitch with an accent!

–34th St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: CourtSnort

Mom to son, after looking through his phone: Who is in your phone as b-i-t-c-h?

–M60 Bus

Overheard by: Jingles

Posted on September 30, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Brooklyn, Bus, Cell Phone, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Coney Island, Fighting and ass kicking, Ghetto Chicks, Girls, Insults, Kick, Laughter, Love, Moms, Money & Class, Nicknames & name calling, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Bus, Parents, Questions, Street, Suits, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women, Words

Instant Karma

Thug #1, sneaking into movie: Yo, who is this bitch?
Thug #2: It's Nancy Drew!

–Movie Theater, Staten Island

Posted on September 29, 2009
Books & Writing, Film, Insults, Movie Theaters, Movies, Names, Questions, Staten Island, Thugs

Pay Your Child Support and Stay Off Judge Joe Brown

Thug: I gotta keep my shit correct so she can't fuck with me no more.
Girl: Good for you!

–Canal & Broadway

Posted on September 27, 2009
Girls, Insults, Soho, Thugs, Weirdness

Young People These Days Are So Disrespectful

Grumpy old women on subway: Hey, you! I paid two dollars for this and I am tired. Give me that seat!
Teen: Umm… ahh… What the fuck?

–M Train

Overheard by: Zach

Posted on September 26, 2009
Insults, Money & Class, Old People, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Teens, Weirdness

But You Can't Tell That from My Nails and Hair

Pissed-off girl, fighting with friend: You outer-borough trash!
(10 minutes later)
Friend: Why did you even call her that?
Pissed-off girl: That's what she is!
Friend: But you're from Staten Island!

–Karaoke Duet 35

Overheard by: Slugs

Posted on September 24, 2009
Anger Management, Bars & Clubs, Fighting and ass kicking, Friends, Girls, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Questions, Stupidity

Fuck One-Liners and the Wednesday They Rode in on

Angry woman, venting: Oh, but he doesn't know I scrapbook like a motherfucker.

–M&J Trimming

Girl, screaming: Fuck you, International Baccalaureate!

–Brooklyn

Really angry guy on cell: I'm talkin' about mothafuckin' cookies and apple juice!

–23rd & 6th

Overheard by: Q

Well-dressed black man, addressing entire train: Ladies and gentlemen, I'm here to talk to you today about… fucking. You see, everybody likes to fuck. My parents love to fuck. My ex-wife–she loved to fuck. President Obama, he enjoys fucking…

–Q Train

Overheard by: Hunter

Six-year-old girl to mother, ready for day at the beach: Shit, mom! It's fucking raining!

–Q Train

Suit on cell, cheerily: Okay, fuck you, bye!

–7th Ave & 50th St

Overheard by: dignell

Posted on September 23, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Drinks, Food, Girls, Guys, Insults, Kids, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Passengers, President, Sex, Store, Suits, Weather, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Its Diversity Is Built In

Crazy lady: Excuse me, excuse me, white faced nigga bitch?
White girl: What?
Crazy lady: What? You ain't never seen a zebra?

–Rockaway Park

Posted on September 18, 2009
Animals & Nature, Crazies, Crazy, Girls, Insults, Queens, Race, Weirdness, White People, Women

Standby for the World's First $12 Cup o' Cocoa

Patron to bartender goon: I'll have a hot cocoa, please.
Bartender goon: Cocoa? What the fuck do I know about cocoa?

–Diner, 14th St & 6th Ave

Headline by: Leary Blaine

Runners-Up:
· “His Mom Used to Give Him Beer Before Bedtime” – Vasyl
· “It’s Like a Hot Carl, but with Marshmallows” – I’ll have one straight up
· “It’s Like a Sex on the Beach, Only with Dark Sand” – Sandy Paws
· “Just Kidding… Password Accepted; Third Door on Your Right” – Dustin
· “The Same Question That Got Him Fired from Starbucks” – version
· “Unless You’re Referring to That Stripper That Used to Work Here” – Ramsey
· “Way to Go Glen Cocoa” – Mean Girlz

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on September 17, 2009
Bartenders, Bosses, Drinks, Headline Contest Winners, Insults, Offers and requests, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, The Village

Insults

Kinda Cool How Those Italians Are Carrying It, Though.