Attractive 30-something woman: Hi! How have you been?
Aged 40-something man: Good, good. So, are you still married?
Attractive 30-something woman: Yes, of course.
Aged 40-something man: Eh, had to ask.
–Steps On Broadway
Dude to girl: Just yesterday I was smoking a joint and my grandma was all "that smells good, Johnny, that smells good."
–Hop Scotch Cafe
Overheard by: bildita
Girl: Speaking of back-door entry, my grandma sent me an e-mail the other day.
–A Train
Overheard by: naiad
Woman: He's just lucky I learned some tricks from his great grandma.
–Dekalb Ave & Ashland Place
Guy to girl: You look like one of them li'l ass frilly dolls my grandma have on her bed. Cute. (girl stares) What, I'm not gonna get a thank-you for that?
–Canal St.
Overheard by: The
Girl to friend: And so my grandmother was that mail order bride!
–Beauty Salon, East Village
Overheard by: moca
Girl: Do you know what he said, that fucker?
Guy: No, what?
Girl: “Whadda we gotta get married for? You ain't knocked-up yet!”
Guy: Damn, that's cold-blooded.
–Q Train
Guy on cell: You start dating married women, you end up meeting their husbands.
–49th & 6th
Man on cell (guiltless and disinterested): She said I cheated, duh-duh-duh-duh.
–Church St & Barclay
Overheard by: Robert J. Anderson
Female suit on cell: He cheated on me on my 30th birthday in Nantucket and I called my mom to tell her and she said, "Are you ready to give up that lifestyle? He's wealthy and he's gorgeous. I don't want to hear it." But I want someone to be über-attracted to me.
–19th & 8th
Overheard by: Sebastian White
Dude on cell: Hello? (pause) I told you never to call me on this number. (pause) Because I don't want my wife to find out that we're dating.
–6th Ave & 17th St
Psuedo-gansta to friend: Yo, I would cheat on my wife except then you gotta buy them flowers and chocolate and shit. I'd rather spend money on my wife and be happy at home.
–N Train
Girl on cell, doing laundry: Yeah…and then he says that he has a girlfriend and he doesn't cheat on her…so I said, "Really? Then what was your penis just doing in my mouth?"
–Laundromat, 9th Ave & 53rd St
Overheard by: tinyfoo
Old Man: “Esmerelda”? That sounds like a witch's name.
Old Man #2: My ex-wife's name was Esmerelda…talk about a witch!
–Sweet Life Cafe, Christopher Street
Man on cell: Hey mom… It's your son! You jackass!
–Bleecker & Mercer
Hot girl to hot friend: Has my brother ever told you his glue stories? (friend shakes head) Well… (begins whispering)
–2 Train
Man shouting on cell: I didn't know she was your sister! Jesus!
–Amtrak Train
Four-year-old to another: I'll be the mother and you the daughter, so you the boss of me.
–Ave D
Woman to friend: Not only is he messing with my marriage, but now I gotta tell my kids they ain't brothers!
–Park Ave & 125th St
Woman to another: …so I was fucking your brother.
–Theatre District
Black guy in suit to stranger at same table: Oh, so you're married! I'm so sorry, I didn't realize.
White guy in suit: Oh, no worries, it doesn't mean I'm dead or anything.
Black suit: Are you faithful?
White suit (pausing for a couple of seconds): Sometimes.
–Starbucks, 23rd & 8th
Overheard by: Joe
Black woman: So he wanted to get married, so I can help him out, and I was all for it, cuz I've know him since I was fifteen, and we're cool like that.
Indian woman: Well, do it then.
Black woman: But then he said he wanted more like a real wife…I can't be anyone's wife, I got me two kids and my baby's daddy might not like it.
Indian woman: Uhhh. Well, then know what you're doing.
–M4 Downtown
Overheard by: Amanda
Man #1: I'm going to have so many guys in my wedding party, my wife is going to have to put some of them on her side.
Man #2: What? And wear…
Man #3: Exactly! Dudes…dudes with cocks!
–Bathgate Ave & Fordham Rd
Overheard by: Satty
Managerial-looking guy in suit in lobby of movie theater: So let me get this straight. Your pregnant wife left in the middle of the movie, but you're still here.
Husband: Yeah, but I gave her cab fare.
–84th & Broadway
