Why, Grandmother, What Big Wednesday One-Liners You Have!

Dude to girl: Just yesterday I was smoking a joint and my grandma was all "that smells good, Johnny, that smells good."

–Hop Scotch Cafe

Overheard by: bildita

Girl: Speaking of back-door entry, my grandma sent me an e-mail the other day.

–A Train

Overheard by: naiad

Woman: He's just lucky I learned some tricks from his great grandma.

–Dekalb Ave & Ashland Place

Guy to girl: You look like one of them li'l ass frilly dolls my grandma have on her bed. Cute. (girl stares) What, I'm not gonna get a thank-you for that?

–Canal St.

Overheard by: The

Girl to friend: And so my grandmother was that mail order bride!

–Beauty Salon, East Village

Overheard by: moca

Posted on January 7, 2009
Ass, Backdoor, Beauty, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Family Ties, Friends, Girls, Guys, Internet, Marriage, On the Subway, One-liners, Pick-up Lines, Restaurants & Cafes, Sensory Experiences, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weed, Weirdness, Women

Love Is Fleeting; Illegitimate Pregnancies Last Forever

Girl: Do you know what he said, that fucker?
Guy: No, what?
Girl: “Whadda we gotta get married for? You ain't knocked-up yet!”
Guy: Damn, that's cold-blooded.

–Q Train

Posted on January 3, 2009
Girls, Guys, Insults, Marriage, On the Subway, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions

Wednesdays Carry on Behind Their One-Liners' Backs

Guy on cell: You start dating married women, you end up meeting their husbands.

–49th & 6th

Man on cell (guiltless and disinterested): She said I cheated, duh-duh-duh-duh.

–Church St & Barclay

Overheard by: Robert J. Anderson

Female suit on cell: He cheated on me on my 30th birthday in Nantucket and I called my mom to tell her and she said, "Are you ready to give up that lifestyle? He's wealthy and he's gorgeous. I don't want to hear it." But I want someone to be über-attracted to me.

–19th & 8th

Overheard by: Sebastian White

Dude on cell: Hello? (pause) I told you never to call me on this number. (pause) Because I don't want my wife to find out that we're dating.

–6th Ave & 17th St

Psuedo-gansta to friend: Yo, I would cheat on my wife except then you gotta buy them flowers and chocolate and shit. I'd rather spend money on my wife and be happy at home.

–N Train

Girl on cell, doing laundry: Yeah…and then he says that he has a girlfriend and he doesn't cheat on her…so I said, "Really? Then what was your penis just doing in my mouth?"

–Laundromat, 9th Ave & 53rd St

Overheard by: tinyfoo

Posted on December 24, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Assholes, Beauty, Birthdays, BJs, Body Parts, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Dating, Family Ties, Food, Friends, Gangstas, Girls, Guys, Happiness, Home, Sweet Home, Infidelity, Laundromat, Lies, Marriage, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, On Cell, On the Subway, Penis, Questions, Relationships, Street, Suits, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

And It Didn't Help That Her Native-American Last Name Was 'Of the West'

Old Man: “Esmerelda”? That sounds like a witch's name.
Old Man #2: My ex-wife's name was Esmerelda…talk about a witch!

–Sweet Life Cafe, Christopher Street

Posted on December 19, 2008
Marriage, Names, Old People, Restaurants & Cafes, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, West Village

Wednesday One-Liner Are the Low Hanging Fruit on the Family Tree

Man on cell: Hey mom… It's your son! You jackass!

–Bleecker & Mercer

Hot girl to hot friend: Has my brother ever told you his glue stories? (friend shakes head) Well… (begins whispering)

–2 Train

Man shouting on cell: I didn't know she was your sister! Jesus!

–Amtrak Train

Four-year-old to another: I'll be the mother and you the daughter, so you the boss of me.

–Ave D

Woman to friend: Not only is he messing with my marriage, but now I gotta tell my kids they ain't brothers!

–Park Ave & 125th St

Woman to another: …so I was fucking your brother.

–Theatre District

Posted on December 17, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Apologies, Bimbettes, Family Ties, Friends, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Insults, Kids, Marriage, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, Promiscuity, Sex, Street, The Village, Trains Not Subway, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Tonight's Movie: Brokeback Starbucks

Black guy in suit to stranger at same table: Oh, so you're married! I'm so sorry, I didn't realize.
White guy in suit: Oh, no worries, it doesn't mean I'm dead or anything.
Black suit: Are you faithful?
White suit (pausing for a couple of seconds): Sometimes.

–Starbucks, 23rd & 8th

Overheard by: Joe

Posted on December 15, 2008
Black People, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Death, Marriage, Starbucks, Strangers, Suits, White People

You Want a Good Relationship With the Sire of Your Illegitimate Children

Black woman: So he wanted to get married, so I can help him out, and I was all for it, cuz I've know him since I was fifteen, and we're cool like that.
Indian woman: Well, do it then.
Black woman: But then he said he wanted more like a real wife…I can't be anyone's wife, I got me two kids and my baby's daddy might not like it.
Indian woman: Uhhh. Well, then know what you're doing.

–M4 Downtown

Overheard by: Amanda

Posted on December 12, 2008
Black People, India Indians, Kids, Marriage, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Weirdness, Women

Your Excitement about This Makes Me Wonder If the Wedding's a Good Idea

Man #1: I'm going to have so many guys in my wedding party, my wife is going to have to put some of them on her side.
Man #2: What? And wear…
Man #3: Exactly! Dudes…dudes with cocks!

–Bathgate Ave & Fordham Rd

Overheard by: Satty

Posted on December 4, 2008
Celebrations/Parties, Marriage, Men, Penis, The Bronx

So Could You Mop the Amniotic Fluid Off the Floor or What?

Managerial-looking guy in suit in lobby of movie theater: So let me get this straight. Your pregnant wife left in the middle of the movie, but you're still here.
Husband: Yeah, but I gave her cab fare.

–84th & Broadway

Posted on November 30, 2008
Marriage, Men, Money & Class, Movies, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Suits, Theater, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness

This Way I Can Gaze at Your Beautiful Hair

Husband: (smiles).
Angry wife (crossing her arms as she crosses the street): Shut up. I want you to walk 12 steps behind me.
Husband (putting his arms up making it look like he's praising god): Hallelujah!

–St. Benedicts Church, Bronx

Overheard by: nikki q

Posted on November 27, 2008
Couples, Marriage, Street, The Bronx, Weirdness

Marriage