Wednesday One-Liners for Ann Coulter

Old guy on phone: All I've done is live in a bitchy bitchy bitchy world.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Danielle

Ghetto guy to another: A bitch in a wheelchair can still suck a dick!

–25th St & 6th Ave

Wife to husband: You do the thinkin', I'll do the bitchin'.

–84th & 2nd

Overheard by: Val

Male scrub nurse: Yeah, he's in that bitch right now. (female scrub nurse looks shocked, male scrub nurse wiggles fingers on both hands) Yeah, he's in there.

–Mount Sinai Hospital

Overheard by: and by

Thug to friend: Yeah my homegirl…she's a slutty bitch, but she's good people.

–Q Train

Posted on March 11, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Couples, Friends, Guys, Handicaps, Hospitals, Insults, Marriage, Nurses, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Penis, Promiscuity, Relationships, Sex, Street, Thugs, Trains Not Subway, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

It's Wednesday– Do You Know Who Your One-Liner's With?

Young man to friend: So, about your girlfriend…I think she and I should fuck.

–Union Square West & 16th St

Street hawker selling datebooks: Wanna cheat on your husband? Plan it out! Get a daily planner, write it in red!

–Herald Square

Overheard by: MPW

Hipster teen girl to friend: Dude, don't worry about it. Whenever I want guys to cheat on their girlfriends with me I always just take off my pants and start singing Afroman.

–Mulberry St

Chick to friends: Seriously, it's a full-on dating service for married people. (pause) Like, adulterers.

–Broadway & Avenue of the Americas

Overheard by: Chuckles

Guy to another: Have you been cheating a lot? Does she know you're gay?

–6 Train

Hobo: So would all unhappily married women please step forward? I know there are some unhappily married women out there, and I'm willing to satisfy your needs. (pause) I know you're out there!

–Times Square

Overheard by: John

Posted on March 11, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Chinatown, Clothing, Dating, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Hobos, Infidelity, Lies, Marriage, Men, Offers and requests, On the Subway, One-liners, Parks, Questions, Sex, Singing, Street, Teens, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Did You Look in Aisle Seven?

Cashier: Hi ma'am, did you find everything you wanted?
Big funky black lady: Yeah, I guess so. Too bad you guys don't sell husbands here.

–Bath and Body Works, Park Ave & 23rd

Overheard by: thinking the same thing

Posted on February 28, 2009
Black People, Cashiers, Marriage, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Questions, Shopping, Store, Women

Killing Me Softly with His Wednesday One-Liner

Excited man on cell: Hey! Did you hear who died? Amanda's pretend husband died!

–N Train

Overheard by: Tophs

20-something woman to friend: Well, I wanna kill her and she wants to kill me, 'cause I took her husband.

–R Train

Overheard by: Tara

20-something hipster girl: I am a nihilist! Watch me die.

–Waverly & Mercer

Asian guy to white girl: All children are born evil. If they had the strength of an adult during childhood, they would kill someone just to get a lollipop.

–Queens College

Woman on cell: Okay! I get it. She's not a good person. Just kill her.

–Canal St & Laffaette St

Overheard by: Kay

Conductor: You're all gonna die! I'm your worst nightmare! Ahahahaha!

–C Train

Overheard by: P-Diddy

Posted on February 25, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Conductors, Death, Food, Friends, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Infidelity, Kids, Marriage, Men, Murder, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Public Transportation, Queens, Queens College, Soho, Stupidity, Threats, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, White People, Wishes & desires, Women

Going Back to Iraq Looks Better Every Day, Huh?

Woman to husband in magazine section: Honey, I'm just going to run to the bathroom before I pay for all…
Husband, interrupting: Whatever. (to stranger) Ugh! Marriage. I have a son, too. It just gets worse and worse, doesn't it?

–Barnes & Noble, Bayside

Overheard by: sympathetic bookseller

Posted on February 24, 2009
Compare/Contrast, Couples, Family Ties, Marriage, Queens, Shopping, Store, Strangers

I'd Love To, Baby, but My Wednesday One-Liner Won't Let Me Date

Train conductor: East Broadway, welcome to Manhattan. Especially you, tourists, you put my wife on the table–I mean, uh…my food.

–F Train

Overheard by: penelope

Petite 30-something washing clothes: Oh, no! His wife's gonna be there. I gotta get some razor blades.

–Laundry Mat, Broadway & Bushwick, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Matt

Middle aged suit to another: So the main problem my girlfriend and I have is that I really get along with my wife.

–A Train

Overheard by: Suzi

Thug to friend: There's just one thing I want people to say about my wife. Not that she's pretty, or that she's nice. I want them to say, "man, that nigga's wife's got a fat ass!"

–Grand Concourse

Cop to crowd: I suggest you use the other crosswalk, it's less congested. Stay here, risk your life…over there, save your wife!

–Radio City Music Hall

Man on cell: You don't love your wife?! (pause) Fuck you!

–42nd St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: Amina

Posted on February 18, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Beauty, Brooklyn, Compliments, Conductors, Cops, Food, Friends, Infidelity, Insults, Laundromat, Love, Marriage, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Passengers, Physical appearance, Public Transportation, Rockefeller Center, Sex, Stab, Strangers, Street, Suits, The Bronx, Theater, Threats, Thugs, Tourism, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Gotta Keep One Thing About Me Squeaky Clean

French lady: Yes, I was married. We met at a cafe. It was love at first sight. So we got married. But I always knew there was another woman. He had another family. This other woman…
American lady friend, interrupting: Would you like some almonds?
French lady: No, I just brushed my teeth.

–Lincoln Plaza Cinemas

Posted on February 17, 2009
Cleanliness, Foreigners, Infidelity, Love, Marriage, Movie Theaters, Offers and requests, Only in New York, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Women

Don't Get Mad. Get Wednesday One-Liners

Suit: It's at the point now it doesn't matter too much if my wife gets mad, it's the nanny I can't upset. (other men laugh and agree)

–Uptown A Train

Female employee: I do not want to go to anger management for a third time.

–115th & 5th

Overheard by: Tara

Girl to guy: You seem like the kind of person that would be mad if they got shot.

–Wildwood, Park Ave & 18th St

Overheard by: Sean

Mom to three-year-old son: You mad? You mad? Well, you know what "mad" is spelled backwards, right? "D-a-m." Ain't nothin' you can do about that.

–St. Nicholas Ave & 127th St

Overheard by: stella ho

Thug: She's just mad 'cause she's Mexican.

–Staten Island Mall

Overheard by: Wendla B.

Hostess running out of restaurant: Angry couple who just left the bar! You forgot your credit card!

–The Village

Overheard by: DW

Posted on February 4, 2009
9 to 5-ers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Baristas, Family Ties, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Kids, Laughter, Malls, Marriage, Moms, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Questions, Shoot, Staten Island, Street, Stupidity, Suits, The Village, Thugs, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women, Words

If Only There Were a Way to Get Unmarried…

Lady, about gentleman's twin sister: Is she still married?
Gentleman: Unfortunately. I keep telling her, if she'd just shot him fifteen years ago, she'd be out of jail by now. She's not any better off now.

–G Train

Overheard by: Meghan M.

Posted on February 2, 2009
Compare/Contrast, Crime and Punishment, Marriage, Men, Murder, On the Subway, Prison, Shoot, Weirdness, Women