Wednesday One-Liner's Last Dance with Mary Jane

Professor: We will talk about the JDC–the American Jewish Joint Distribution Committee. And no, they were not dispensing marijuana.

–Queens College

Overheard by: ShaniP

Trashy JAP on cell: So I told her I was selling, and that bitch was like, "Katrina, for how much?" And I was like "Oh my god, mom, it doesn't matter how much the weed is going for, all that matters is the quality!"

–7th Ave, Park Slope

Overheard by: penelope

Random stranger to teens: You want to buy some weed? Just come back to my mom's house!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Rhian

College student on cell: Mom, you've got to stop smoking so much weed. I mean, fuck!

–Time Square

Random dude on street: I got it all! Liquor, alcohol, marijuana, Chips Ahoy! I got it!

–44th & Broadway

Overheard by: Lagster

Street vendor: Prada bags, Louis Vuitton bags, Gucci bags, marijuana bags… (everyone looks over at him) Hey, I gotta make money somehow.

–Times Square

Overheard by: mary jane

Posted on August 13, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Drinking & Drunk People, Family Ties, Food, Guys, History & Geography, Insults, JAPs, Knock-Offs, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Money & Class, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Park Slope, Queens, Queens College, School and studying, Strangers, Street, Students, Teachers/Professors, Teens, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weed, Weirdness

You're Thirty-Five, Sweetheart

Mom: You could have held the door for me, Tommy, that's what a man does.
Tommy: I'm a boy.

–Hallway, Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center

Posted on August 12, 2015
Boys, Comebacks, Compare/Contrast, Default, Etiquette, Gender issues, Kids, Moms, Offers and requests, Upper East Side

Oh My!

Kid: What's a safari?
Young mom: It's a trip you can take in Africa where you can see animals like lions and tigers, and… bears.

–Central Park Zoo

Overheard by: kinicke

Posted on August 11, 2015
Animals & Nature, Central Park, Kids, Moms, Parents, Parks, Questions, Stupidity, Travel, Words

Isn’t It Time You Talked to Your Kids About Wednesday One-Liners?

Creepster: Hey there… do you like drugs? … How about Gandhi?

–Chambers &and West Broadway

Girl on cell: So I opened the envelope on the train… Yeah it was heroin.

–W 46th Ave

Bum: Excuse me! Hey, hey! Excuse me! Check it out! I am going to smoke crack all fucking night, and there isn’t anything anyone can do about it, because that’s what I’m going to do, I’m going to smoke so much crack!

–West 4th at Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Cory

Guy to hungover girl: Everyday you look more and more like you do heroin.

–Relish Bar & Grill

Preppy dude: I like doing drugs too much to be a Buddhist.

–Arlene’s Grocery

Mom to ten-year-old son: … But that’s like saying heroin is the only drug to try!

–14th St & 9th Ave

Posted on August 8, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Buddha, Compare/Contrast, Creepsters, Drugs, Grocery Stores, Guys, Hard Drugs, Heroin, History & Geography, Homeless, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Names, Physical appearance, Preppies, Public Transportation, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Washington Square Park, Weirdness

Do They Make a Glade Plug-In for Wednesday One-Liners?

Little girl, running along platform: Mommy! Mommy! Slow down! Mommy, it smells like penis in here!

–Grand Central

Girl to another: Do you have a hand wipe? I totally smell like rape right now.

–44th St & Broadway

Guy to friend: She said I smelled like shit and I said, "what like, asshole?"

–59th St & Lexington

Girl on phone: Your hands smell like what? Your hands smell like urine? Why would you say that?

–Brooklyn College

Hobo on overcrowded train: Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Homeless Ed, and I am homeless, and I smell like shit. If any of you can spare some change so I can buy some deodorant, it would be greatly appreciated.

–Downtown A Train

Overheard by: christopher james

Female grad student on cell: Have you ever done the inter-borough walk of shame smelling like penis?

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Conductor: This is East Broadway station, and something smells yummy.

–F Train

Posted on August 8, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Brooklyn College, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Conductors, Directions, Friends, Girls, Grand Central, Guys, Hobos, Homeless, Insults, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Panhandling, Parents, Passengers, Pee, Penis, Poop, Public Transportation, Questions, Rape, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, Students, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners

Only If You Do It with Mad Flair.

Polite, cute seven-year-old black boy to mother: Mommy, how was your day?
Hot mom: Nice, I had a very nice day. Thank you for asking. How was your day?
Little boy: Pimpin! Can I play Wii when we get home, please?

–B Train

Posted on August 7, 2015
Black People, Family Ties, Kids, Moms, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Questions, Should've Used a Condom, Video Games

And Any One of Her Stepfathers Who Happens to be Around That Week

Young child: Mom, that girl hit me!
Mom: What? You go back there and punch her back! No one hits my daughter besides me!

–Columbia St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Lisa

Posted on August 7, 2015
Brooklyn, Kids, Moms, Parents, Street, Violence

I Think That “Not a Park” Sign Is Supposed to Be Ironic, Mom.

Mother: Okay. The museum is either over there (points across the street) or over there (points back into the park).
Daughter: I don't think the museum is in the park, mom.
Mother: Who says that's the park?

–Central Park

Overheard by: J-Rabs