There's So Much That We Share That It's Time We're Aware, It's a Small Wednesday One-Liner After All

Drunk guy to foreign friend: So basically everyone in the US is either Irish, Italian, or German…but there are a lot of Puerto Ricans in my neighborhood.

–L Train

Overheard by: bildita

Rockabilly-styled hipster on cell: Just take your cheap Jewish ass back to Korea Town!

–St. Mark's Place

Tourist: There are so many Chinese in this city and they all speak fucking Spanish! It blows my mind!

–125th & Broadway

Overheard by: EthanK

Girl on cell: So I may be a Siamese twin…

–57th & 10th

Overheard by: evil em

Woman exiting a Subway restaurant: I feel like I just ate a Mexican immigrant.

–56th & 10th Ave

Overheard by: A Mexican

Posted on September 3, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Drunks, Food, Friends, Girls, Global Geography, Guys, Hipsters, Insults, Judaism, Language Barrier, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, On Cell, On the Subway, Tourists, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, Women

Where in the Wednesday One-Liners Is Carmen Sandiego?

Guy on cell: I'm at the corner of West 4th Street and West 12th Street. Which sounds completely ridiculous, I know.

–Outside Cubbyhole

Girl on cell with boyfriend: Yeah, we got lost… We're somewhere in Yonkers.

–Bleecker & W 10th St

Loud tourist on cell: I'm in Rockefeller Plaza. Just look for a guy with a Starbucks cup.

–Rockefeller Plaza

Overheard by: linda

Blonde on cell: Yeah, I'm in the 'hood.

–SoHo

Overheard by: Ladle

Woman on cell, directing friend to find her: Do you see a really tall man holding an umbrella up high? I'm near a really tall man holding an umbrella. …he's very attractive.

–Concert on The Great Lawn

Overheard by: sternie

Suit on cell: Unfortunately I'm in the Financial District right now… Man, I wanna come up there and make love to both of you.

–Financial District

Posted on September 3, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Central Park, Directions, Girls, Guys, NYC Geography, On Cell, Rockefeller Center, Soho, Suits, The Village, Three is Company, Tourists, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, West Village, Wishes & desires, Women

Wednesday One-Liners in a Garden State of Mind

Cute queer to hot Asian friend: I would rather have you drive drunk and stay at a friend's place in Manhattan then take a cab back to Jersey.

–Manhattan

Professor: For Muslims, the afterlife is more real to them than it is to me or you. For them, dying is like…going to New Jersey. Beautiful New Jersey.

–Stern Building, NYU

Overheard by: Emily

Trashy girl (knocking on door of a convenience store that just closed): Yo, let me in! I just want to buy a Heineken before I go back to New Jersey!

–W 108th & Amsterdam Ave

Overheard by: MR

Construction worker to people exiting PATH station: You're from Jersey! You should be happy!

–Vesey St & Church St

20-something on cell: I'm at Penn station and there are so many guidos and guidettes on their way back to Jersey. Watching them is like watching babies stuck in a McDonald's ball pit.

–Penn Station

NJ Transit worker: You'd be surprised how many honest people there are in New Jersey.

–Port Authority Bus Terminal

Overheard by: Jersey Girl

Conductor: This is a Jersey bound Q train. Oh shiiiiit.

–Brooklyn Bound Q Train

Overheard by: office peon

Posted on September 3, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Construction Guys, Coworkers, Drinks, Friends, Girls, Insults, Islam, Manhattan, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, NYU, On Cell, On the Subway, Penn Station, Port Authority, Public Transportation, Queer guys, Subway conductors, Teachers/Professors, The Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wishes & desires

The Final Solution to Wednesday One-Liners

Waiter delivering German chocolate cake (deadpan): Sieg heil!

–Junior's, Shubert Alley

Overheard by: Anne Frank

80-something Jewish grandmother to shocked-looking teenage granddaughter: And your grandfather came here from Germany when the Nazis came to power. And I met him at a party and we got married and had your mother. So in other words, young lady, you owe your life to Adolf Hitler.

–The Jewish Museum

Female passer-by: She thought "Adolf Hitler" was a book by Mein Kampf!

–110 & Broadway

Overheard by: Matthew Krenz

Guy to coworker: You just missed some guy comparing our guest sign-in policy to Hitler's final solution.

–Coles Gym, NYU

Guy on cell: I'm not saying that others are Nazi supporters, I'm just saying Hillary Clinton does not support Nazis. Or their supporters.

–Virgin Megastore, Times Square

Overheard by: about to support one

Posted on September 3, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Coworkers, Guys, Gyms, Hitler/Nazis, Jews, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, NYU, On Cell, Politics, Restaurants & Cafes, Store, Strangers, Stupidity, Times Square, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Women, Words

Waiter– There's a Wednesday One-Liner in My Food.

Girl on cell: Wait, so you're telling me this guy has a Mohawk and he doesn't drink?

–Lower East Side

Girl to boyfriend, excitedly: I haven't washed my hair in weeks!

–Waverly & Broadway

Overheard by: MC

Girl to finance boyfriend: No, really, it's okay that you like to gel your hair.

–Outside Tavern on the Green

South Carolina girl: In South Carolina we would call your haircut a mullet, but since you have gel in it, it's called "Long Island hair."

–Hell's Kitchen

Hipster girl on cell: You know your hair is too long when it gets caught in your armpits.

–Central Park

Angry man on cell: That mole! With the hair growing out of it!

–62nd b/w Lexington & 3rd

Overheard by: Laïla

Older woman (after cast runs off naked): I was looking, and I was glad to see that all of the women had hair down there.

–Delacorte Theater, Hair Intermission

Overheard by: Musicn3rd

Posted on September 3, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Drinking & Drunk People, Girlfriends, Girls, Hair, Health and Hygiene, Hipsters, Lower East Side, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Nicknames & name calling, Old People, On Cell, Private Parts, Questions, Southerners, The Village, Theater, U.S. Geography, Upper East Side, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Believe You Have Their Red Swingline Stapler

Black suit on cell : What'cha mean you can't get a job? Tupac's been dead for years and the nigga's still putting out albums!

–Center St & Pearl St

Overheard by: Big Larry

Friendly suit to friend: It's not about getting the work done! It's about…well, I don't know what it's about.

–Vessey & Broadway

Overheard by: mondo man

Suit in next office: Okay, I have officially hated today! (phone rings) No! Fuck you!

–Office Building, W 46th St

Overheard by: TheGreenCat

Guy on cell: So, did you find me a job yet? (pause) Well, I want something that isn't challenging, pays well, and doesn't care when I show up.

–NJ Transit

Overheard by: Cori

Guy on cell (about to start bank teller shift): Come on and hurry up. I'm trying to get drunk before I start my second job.

–Chase Bank, Times Square

Young woman yelling into cell after being refused entrance: Goddamn, whose dick I got to suck to get my career started? Tell me where they at!

–Lobby, Herald Square Towers

Posted on September 3, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Bank, BJs, Black People, Buildings, Compare/Contrast, Death, Guys, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Lower Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Questions, Suits, Times Square, White People

Mild-Mannered Wednesday by Day. One-Liner by Night.

Chick on cell: Do you prefer the superhero theme to us in only aprons, holding penis cakes?

–Garden of Eden Supermarket, 107th & Broadway

Overheard by: Ladle

White guy to white girl: Wait, you'd be proud to be supermanned by me?

–D Train

(at the superhero fashion exhibit, in front of Catwoman's display)
Man to little kid: Oh, and look! She has a whip. I wonder what that's for…

–Metropolitan Museum of Art

Overheard by: EK

Black guy on cell: Nigga, you can't be James Bond and Batman, you pick which one you are.

–Smith & 9th St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Ewan Walsh

Girl on cell: Am I gonna need to drug you, put you in a superhero costume, and snap photos?

–Halloween Adventure Store

Overheard by: McF

Batman to four-year-old who jumped out from behind a table: Evan, don't sneak up on me. Superheroes are wound very tight.

–Birthday party, Museum of Natural History

Overheard by: PG

Posted on August 27, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Brooklyn, Clothing, Drugs, Girls, Guys, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Museum of Natural History, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Penis, Pictures, Questions, Sexuality, Store, Superheroes, The Met, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, White People

Wednesday One-Liners in Clear Heels

Woman on cell: I may or may not have just accidentally become a sex worker.

–40th & 9th

Overheard by: McFreaky

Attractive gay man to boyfriend: If I had a better body, I would be a prostitute.

–W 4th & 6th Ave

Overheard by: rpk

Girl to friends: Just slap me! Slap me like a Thai hooker, for god's sake.

–115th & Broadway

Overheard by: columbia undergrad

Five-year-old boy: Mom, what's a gigolo?

–6 Train

Overheard by: Justine

Woman yelling into a cell: For the love of god, I'm sleeping with men for crack. Do you really think that would mess with my list of priorities?

–2nd Ave & Houston

Overheard by: Wonders what the suggestion was

20-something woman on cell: Wait–am I in the sex industry?

–NJ Transit

Overheard by: Poogins

Posted on August 27, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Bitch-slap, Boyfriends, Compare/Contrast, Ew, Jersey, Friends, Girls, Hard Drugs, Jobs & Careers, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Prostitutes, Prostitution, Queer guys, Questions, Sexuality, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, West Village, Women

A Gaggle Of Wednesday One-Liners

Guy on cell: I mean, it was bigger than a horse. But it had four humps.

–14th & 2nd

Overheard by: LIZ

Drunk man: A plastic sheep or a real sheep… When it comes down to it… is there really any difference?

–Biddy Early's Pub

Chick on cell: It's better than riding a golden yak!

–Morningside Heights

Overheard by: Ursula & Winifred

Man to friend: Did I mean "wombats"? Of course I meant fucking wombats!

–3 Train

Blonde: What is a mongoose and where can I get one?

–Times Square

Guy on cell (fumbling with a pack of Marlboros): Well, for one, it’s been ten days since the baby snakes have eaten.

–92nd St & Broadway

Overheard by: The Mad Man

Middle-aged white guy: …so we told the children they couldn't go to the petting zoo, to see how they would react. (pause) It was interesting on a psychological level.

–Outside of Butler Library, Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Posted on August 27, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Babies, Bars & Clubs, Body Parts, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Drunks, Friends, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Library, Men, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Psychology, Questions, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, White People, Words

On Cell