Wednesday One-Liners Lay the Smack Down

Big guy on phone: … All I’m sayin’ is that’s wrong, man — you hit an ol’ woman, and you’re a boxer!

–151st & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Thin walls

Guy on cell: So, wait — you punched her or slapped her? In the face?! Oh. Ow… Yeah, that’s still not appropriate.

–N 6th St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: j

Angry guy on cell: This guy laid a fucking warrant on me for beating up crackheads!

–168th & Fort Washington Ave

Overheard by: RR

Five-year-old girl to seven-year-old brother: I’ll punch your Adam’s apple straight down your throat!

–Graham Ave bus station

Black girl on rising escalator, to friend: If he says anything to me, I’m gonna kick him in the ding-ding and then run!

–Broadway East station

Overheard by: Subwaysurfer

Posted on September 22, 2014
Anger Management, Balls, Bitch-slap, Black People, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Bus, Crime and Punishment, Default, Elevators, Etiquette, Fighting and ass kicking, Girls, Guys, Handicaps, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Kick, Lower East Side, On Cell, On the Bus, Punch, Sisters, Street, Violence

Please Silence Your Phone During the Wednesday One-Liners

Preppy girl: I really loved that movie. I thought it was titillating… And not just because there was cock and balls. I don’t care about that.

–Third Avenue

Guy to self: Brokeback mountain… Starring Hillary Clinton!

–Herald Square Subway Station

Overheard by: Worst Movie Ever

Doofette: I mean like I know it got the Oscar and all, but I thought "No Country for Old Men" was pretty boring. I have to admit though the choreography was amazing.

–SoHo

Thug, peddling pile of DVDs: Ghetto Blockbuster! I am your ghetto Blockbuster! I got movies, CDs, porno. [Another group of customers walks in.] I got that action, comedy, romance and I got that pussy! I am your friendly neighborhood ghetto Blockbuster.

–24 Hour McDonalds, Water & Moore

Overheard by: BigKahuna&BigRed

Creepy hipster: You’d think you can’t have sex to "Silence of the Lambs"…

–Huron St, Greenpoint

Overheard by: sweetchuck

Dude on cell: If you like murder, you’re gonna love this movie!

–48 Bus

Posted on September 21, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Balls, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Creepsters, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Movies, Murder, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Bus, Penis, Politics, Preppies, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Soho, Street, Stupidity, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Thugs, Vendors & Street Performers

Important Safety Tip — Thanks, Crackarella

Bus driver: I have a headache.
Female passenger: It’s the color television. It messes with your brain and gives you headaches. I watch it wearing sunglasses so it doesn’t affect me.

–BX 12 bus

Posted on September 21, 2014
Bus Drivers, Crazies, Health and Hygiene, On the Bus, Pop Culture, The Bronx, TV

Her Term for Stealing Money from His Piggybank

Big mama: It ain’t even his fault. His mama didn’t teach him nothin’.
Son: Mmm-hm.
Big mama: Wait ’til the IRS comes for you!
Son: Chill!
Big mama: You know they comin’!

–Q76 bus

Overheard by: queens is underappreciated

Posted on September 16, 2014
Default, Families, Gripes, Moms, On the Bus, Threats

Which Is Why So Many Moved Over Here

White teen girl #1: Oh my god, he is, like, so caliente! Haha, I just said that like the biggest white girl!
White teen girl #2, sarcastically: What, you say that like you’re not proud of being a white girl!
White teen girl #1: Haha… Well, I’m not actually white. My nationality is European, which is actually much better than white.
White teen girl #2: Yeah, totally.

–Q101 bus, Ditmars Blvd, Astoria

Posted on September 15, 2014
Astoria, On the Bus, Race, White People

In the Presence Of These Girls, Boys Turn Gay in Self-Defense

Tall girl: My little sister started stinkin' already, an' she only in third grade. I ain't start stinkin' till the fifth grade. When you start stinkin'?
Short girl: I ain't never stink.
Tall girl, snorting: Sure. (pauses and thinks) Why does everyone say girls stink between our legs? I know I don'. I'm fresh.
Short girl: You know that girl, she opens up her legs in class and you can smell at that shit.
Tall girl, shrugging: I don't go around sniffin pussy.

–Q43 Bus

Overheard by: beeniebooger

Posted on September 11, 2014
Compare/Contrast, Elementary & Middle School, Family Ties, Girls, On the Bus, Sensory Experiences, Vagina, Weirdness

Po-tay-toe, Po-tah-toe

Guy #1: So in that movie Cloverfield I heard it was a monster.
Guy #2: Yeah, all the blogs say it's a monster. That would be totally funny if it was Britney Spears.

–M15 Bus

Posted on September 9, 2014
About Celebrities, Gossip, Guys, Internet, Movies, On the Bus

Wday 1 Lnrz — U Like?

Girl on cell: Sorry I texted you when you were giving birth.

–27th St & Park Ave

20-something girl: I kept saying, "I emailed a text to him!"

–Pub, 59th & 3rd

Overheard by: Bluetoothed them a postcard

20-something girl correcting her friend's text message: No, you don't need an apostrophe there. It's "hos," plural, not "of or pertaining to a ho."

–M15 Bus

Overheard by: Lauren

Guy with suitcase on cell: I sent him a text asking if I could stay at his place, and he said sure. I find out today he was being sarcastic.

–116th & Broadway

Student: Okay, it's 3:20. I think it's an appropriate time to text Ben and tell him I had a sex dream about him.

–Sarah Lawrence College

Overheard by: Anna

Posted on September 6, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Apologies, Bars & Clubs, Bus, Cell Phone, College, Columbia University, Computer, Dreams, Friends, Girls, Guys, Home, Sweet Home, Insults, Internet, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Sex, Students, Time, Wednesday One-Liners, Words

Wednesday One-liners Lost Their MetroCard

Hipster guy: Dude, he always blames it on the train dispatcher. He needs to own his problems, you know?

–F train

Overheard by: Patrick Di Justo

Posted on September 5, 2014
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Anger Management, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Hipsters, History & Geography, Hobos, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, NYC Geography, Old People, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, One-liners, Park Slope, Puerto Ricans, Stupidity, Teens, The Village, Travel

Why New Yorkers Get Mad: Explained

Tourist #1: Once you get down into, like, Park Avenue in the 70s, there are mad famous people.
Tourist #2: That's because it's mad close to Midtown.
Tourist #1: Midtown is mad nice.

–M86 Bus

Overheard by: Erin W.

Posted on September 3, 2014
Bus, Crazy, Directions, NYC Geography, On the Bus, Stupidity, Tourism, Tourists

On the Bus