Man's Best Wednesday One-Liner

Slightly thugged-out guy, rapping to little white poodle: Li'l coco! You's a muthafuckin' beast, yo! Li'l coco! Yeah!

–Cobble Hill, Brooklyn

Overheard by: John Bender

Guy to dog: Lady, it's just me! There's only me!

–77th St, Bay Ridge

Overheard by: Jon A.

Big burly guy to tiny yorkie, as it sniffs tree and walks away: Well, thanks for that false alarm.

–43rd St & 10th Ave

Upper West Side lady to little pampered dog with sweater: It's okay, baby, you can talk.

–80th Ave & Columbus

Hipster dog walker, whispering to herd of dachsunds: Mushhhhh…

–Central Park

Posted on January 12, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Central Park, Guys, Hipsters, Insults, Language Barrier, Man's Best Friend, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, One-liners, Parks, Pee, Street, Thugs, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liner Swap

Lady on cell: She must have been humiliated by the parade of wives!

–Broadway & 72nd

Man to friend: Whenever I want to fuck my wife, she doesn't want to. But when I can't, she always wants to. I think she does it out of spite.

–12th St

(Elton John's Rocketman playing on radio) "I miss the Earth so much… I miss my wife…"
Barista: You don't miss your wife, Elton. You're gay!

–Small Coffee Shop, SoHo

Midget handing out fliers: Who likes comedy? (to man in striped shirt) Hey, do you like comedy? I like striped shirts, let's work something out here!
(man keeps walking)
Midget, yelling after him: No wonder your wife doesn't love you!

–Union Square Subway

30-something guy: Dude, that's so rude. Plus, she's going to be your wife soon, so you've got to stop calling her that.

–Hell's Kitchen

Posted on January 11, 2015
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Baristas, Clothing, Comebacks, Family Ties, Flyer people, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Guys, Insults, Love, Marriage, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Music, Musicians, On Cell, One-liners, Politics, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Singing, Soho, Strangers, Street, Stupidity, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Theater & Dance, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Wishes & desires, Women

Please Stand Behind the White Line While the Wednesday One-Liner Is in Motion

Bus driver, just before departing for Boston: Peace, love, and if no one's said it to you today, I love you.

–34th & 8th

Overheard by: Nina

Bus driver: Hello? Can you hear me? Can you hear me? If so, you're too close to the front. Move to the back of the bus, back of the bus…I'll be here til 2 in the morning, I have plenty of time.

–M86 Bus

Overheard by: urbanadventurer

MTA bus driver to woman with a kid: Excuse me, you have to pay for your kid to ride this train. See the line where your hand is? If he is shorter than that line, then he doesn't have to pay. But he is taller, and he has to pay. (woman and kid walk off bus, now he addresses passengers) But on a lighter note, happy New Year.

–M86 Train

Overheard by: Melissa

Bus driver of crowded bus: This is Madison avenue. Get off! I mean…watch your step.

–Bus, 86th St

Overheard by: Michael

Bus driver: This is the last stop, Queens Center. If you are going shopping today, I hope you find everything you are looking for. Also, please be nice to the salespeople. It's not easy dealing with people day after day. I should know, I'm a bus driver.

–Q88 Bus

Overheard by: Jenn

Posted on January 10, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bus Drivers, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Directions, Height, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Love, Money & Class, On the Bus, One-liners, Parents, Passengers, Public Transportation, Questions, Shopping, Time, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Conduct Yourself with Some Wednesday One-liners

Conductor: Next stop, the street formerly known as Prince Street.

–R train

Overheard by: Rachel Kolb

Posted on January 8, 2015
About Celebrities, Names, NYC Geography, On the Subway, One-liners, Public Transportation, Subway conductors

Hooked on Wednesday One-Liners Worked for Me!

Tween girl: No, it's "Yiddish"! "Yiddish," not "ribbit."

–Penn Station

Overheard by: ragnvaeig

20-something girl to older friend: No, no… "ghetto" is just slang–it's not a real word.

–PATH Train

Guy on cell: Yo. (pause) Yo, yo. (pause) Yo, yo. (pause) Yo, yo, yo.

–Pacific St & Atlantic Ave

Overheard by: jayloo

Guy to another, who has obviously caused him some emotional strife: I just don't understand why you had to did me so dirty.

–Hudson River Park

Teenage boy: But I ain't know where was them talkin' about it! (teenage friend nods sympathetically)

–Downtown 6 Train

Girl to guy: It must be your manstinct. (pause) Not ya manstink!

–Central Park

Posted on January 6, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Central Park, Friends, Girls, Guys, Hudson River, Language Barrier, Languages, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parks, Penn Station, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Street, Stupidity, Teens, Trains Not Subway, Tweens, Wednesday One-Liners, Words, Yiddish

Wednesday One-liners for Bill Wilson

Guy: When you buy a bottle of whiskey, you have to think of it like buying a weekly MetroCard. It’s like you didn’t really spend that money.

–54th between 5th & Madison

Overheard by: John Williams

Posted on January 6, 2015
Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, One-liners, Public Transportation

Wednesday One-liners Watch What They Eat

Fortysomething dude: Don’t tell me I don’t know about metabolism! I have known about metabolism my entire life. Metabolize yourself!

–The Gate, Park Slope

Overheard by: Moochy and D-Rock

Girl on cell: I don’t want to talk about your eating disorder every fucking time we talk!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: mondo man

Posted on January 5, 2015
Anorexic, Bars & Clubs, Brooklyn, Food, Health and Hygiene, Manhattan, On Cell, One-liners, Park Slope, Penn Station, Places

Our New Motto

Perceptive woman: Anytime you overhear people, if you only hear a second of what they say, it’s always completely stupid.

–Greenwich Village

Overheard by: Todd Seavey

Posted on January 5, 2015
One-liners, Talking/Convos, The Village, Women

She’s Been Listening to the New Stern Show

Old lady: Please stop!
Conductor: I didn’t see you.

The train pulls away.

Old lady: Fuckhead.

–23rd Street F station

Posted on January 3, 2015
Anger Management, Conductors, Etiquette, Old People, On the Subway, One-liners, Only in New York, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Terrorism, Travel, Women

Wednesday One-liners

Girl on cell: I shit you not, it was a small studio apartment converted into a four bedroom on the 6th floor.

–47th & 9th

Fat suit on cell: How many people play the drums in Poland, really?…What? Wow. Cool. Well, plenty of time to practice I guess.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Max T-M

MTV chick: When I used to read, I went from the last chapter to the first.

–MTV cafeteria

Hipster: They’re always on the same train, so the first time you give them money, then remember your face. Every time you get on the train after that, they’ll follow you around. It’s like having your own 6-foot pet!

–1 train

Overheard by: spike

Posted on January 3, 2015
Hipsters, Hobos, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Penn Station, People, Real Estate, Suits, Times Square