Girl on cell: Alice and I are going to dress up like cheerleaders and throw waterballoons full of beer at the crowd.
–Essex & Rivington
Overheard by: Russ LaChanse
Girl on cell: Alice and I are going to dress up like cheerleaders and throw waterballoons full of beer at the crowd.
–Essex & Rivington
Overheard by: Russ LaChanse
Metalhead, playing guitar and singing: Buy some fuckin' poptarts /buy some fuckin' weed/ buy some fuckin' cigarettes/buy everything you need!
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: j
Singing hobo pushing cart: I am wiiiise. I am wise!
–Union Square Station
Overly flamboyant gay guy, singing: I kissed a girl and I liked iiiit. (swishes hips while walking)
–11th St & 7th Ave
Overheard by: Mal Sullivan
Singing gay guy to another, clapping hands in rhythm: You look like a cunt, you act like a cunt, you smell like a cunt, you feel like a cunt…
–2 Train
Overheard by: drew
Hobo, getting into train and taking out electric guitar and amp: Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention please! This song is for the white lady with the orange pocketbook. She reminds me of Martha Stewart…when she got out of jail. (starts singing) 3 train white lady is my girl, my girl, my girl!
–Downtown 3 Train
Overheard by: Jingles
Little girl in stroller, singing happily: Doe, a deer, a hee-hale deer. Ray, a drop of golden pee-pee…
–E Train
Irate professional woman on cell: I raced down to Penn Station to buy a ticket to New Jersey, and now you tell me you're going to Hooters?
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Erin and Willa
Blonde hipster: I knew I needed to get out of there when I heard her saying, "we should go to that bar next because it's near the PATH!"
–Rivington & Essex
Train conductor: The next stop is Park Place. Transfer is available to the a, c, e and PATH to Newwwwwwwwwww Jersey. I also have wonderful news that I am dying to tell you today. All 2 and 3 trains are making local stops this weekend. There are no express trains because of service changes.
–2 Train
Girl, interrupting singing couple: Guys, we need to class it up, we are not in Jersey anymore!
–5th Ave & 86th
Overheard by: GerMan in NY
Four-year-old boy: I don't wanna go to New Jersey!
–New Jersey Transit Terminal, Penn Station
Hipster: But you were in New Jersey when you got pregnant, it's okay.
–1st & St. Mark's
Queer: I don't want someone to fuck me with their stoma!
–11th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Amanda
Gay guy: That girl is such a Rice Krispie.
–Outside Gristedes, Christopher St
Overheard by: McF
Queer on cell: And I said to him, "Take it like the bottom you are!"
–8th St & 23rd St
Gay guy: I just got pounded by the two hottest guys I've ever seen!
–58th & 9th
Gay man (getting his hair cut by another): So we went to Fire Island this weekend and we went to this party. I said, "Patrick, you better pee on Jon right now to mark your territory."
–57th & 7th
Gay man on cell: Oh, morals disappear after 8pm!
–Amsterdam & 83rd
Guy with headphones to passerby in the rain: I hate that umbrella! I’m gonna break that umbrella! I’m gonna knock that umbrella out of your hands!
–Union Square
Overheard by: Letting go of the umbrella
Teen boy to another teen boy: I really hate my mom because she grounds me all the time, that’s why I got grounded.
–B44 bus, Nostrand Ave & Ave Y
Overheard by: o_O
JAP: And so he was like, ‘Wanna go make out?’ and I was like, ‘Okay,’ so we did and that was fun or whatever, but I don’t know… We don’t actually like each other at all, we really can’t stand each other.
–The Tea Lounge, 7th Ave, Park Slope
Overheard by: mortalfool411
Black female after being insulted by a Black male clerk in a store: I hate Black people.
–Graham Avenue, Brooklyn
Suit: Fuckin’ guy, that fuckin’ attorney. I hate him. I hate ’em all. Myself too, I shouldn’t have gone to law school. He probably hates himself, unless he’s too fuckin’ stupid to regret it. We’re all a bunch of miserable self-loathing fucks, nobody likes attorneys.
–J & R, Park Row
Crazy yelling bitch: He’s a hater, I’m telling you he’s a fucking hater! What? No I fucking hate him.
–33rd & 8th
Overheard by: devila
Girl on cell: What? With pills? Why’d he do that? Because everyone hates him?
–62nd & 2nd
Overheard by: Ralph
Earth chick on cell: I had meditation and yoga class today. So, if you're coming over tonight we have to have spiritual sex.
–Barnes & Noble
Guy on cell: You're never going to believe this, but I need to tell you anyways. I just did some witchcraft.
–9th St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Smoking Student
Yoga teacher: Not being able to do something can teach you a lot about yourself. Like how you're a fucking loser.
–Midtown
Rich white girl with dog in purse: Yeah, so when I went to go buy a dog, I picked Pookie out because he's a Pisces and I'm a Virgo, and that way our personalities will match.
–C Train
Overheard by: evan
White dude to another: I'd like to see what his chi looks like.
–Chinatown
Overheard by: Aileen
Girl on cell: Five hours later, I was still pulling cum out of my hair!
–13th St
Overheard by: questioning the physics
Drunk girl to drunk guy: I would love to be 5'8", I mean…it's like not tall…but like not short. (four minutes later, screaming) Yeah…like…too much thought is like…bad for you! (later) They should've jerked you off in your sock!
–84th & Amsterdam Ave
One of four middle aged men on a bench: Well, the key is to never swallow the cum, spit the cum out.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Dan
High voiced hobo to teenager: I want you to cum on my face.
–72nd St & Broadway
20-something girl on cell: Oh, you can't carry the microscope with you? Well, if you come here we'll have to forgo the sperm. If I come to visit you, then we can work it into the schedule.
–Ess-A-Bagel
Overheard by: Emma
NYU dude: How do you get cock-blocked while you're jizzing?!
–St. Mark's Place & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: IWasWonderingThatToo
Student, slamming reproductive biology book shut: Sperm! It's everywhere!
–Bobst Library
Overheard by: ttny
Woman: That’s the way New York is; it’s a contact sport.
–Penn Station
Sorority chick leaving a democratic rally where hillary clinton spoke: God, they all sounded so political!
–Wagner College
5 year-old boy (to his mother): Is it true that obama's going to raise taxes?
–Union Square
Overheard by: Jen
Woman on cell: I'm trying to find joe sixpack. (pause) no, I don't know joe sixpack.
–98th & Broadway
Several middle-aged, wealthy #40 something upper east side ladies at the dinner table next to us at a french restaurant, discussing politics. The last point on sarah palin: "her hair's fine, her glasses are fine, her clothes are ok but I'm sorry, she's a fucking loser."
–Jacques Brasserie — Upper East Side
Overheard by: Lindsey Miller
Drunk girl: "if lil' wayne was president, things would be running much more smoothly."
–E Houston St & Lafayette St,
Overheard by: Teddy
"my cousin said that obama is the antichrist."
(pause).
"that's mad rude, right?"
–M66
Overheard by: Charley
Guy on cell: Bitch, you aren’t coming out?…I haven’t been home in a year and a half, get your ass out here!…What? I nearly died! I was shot! Twice!
–43rd & Broadway
