Wednesday One-Liners Bring Their B Game

Sketchy guy to hot girl: Hey, baby girl, I like takin' long walks through the projects, sittin' on a park bench eatin' French fries… (she walks away) Hey baby, come back!

–Christopher & 7th

Guy to girl walking down the street: Hey you…I wanna get on your bus.

–125th b/w Park & Lexington

Overheard by: Reilly

Big dude to hot girl: Hey girl, come talk to me for a minute. (she stays still) C'mon girl, chubby thugs need love too.

–Franklin Ave & Eastern Parkway, Brooklyn

Black thug to white girls: I'm Barack Obama's cousin, wanna go on a date? (they pass) That's gonna be my new pickup line, yo.

–33rd St & 6th Ave

Guy, as a curvy woman struts past him: Shake what yo momma gave you…not what yo momma paid for!

–Shuttle Train

Overheard by: Meredith

Seton Hall jock, leering at female in next seat: Wow, this ticket has more holes in it than I've ever seen before!

–NJ Transit

Drunk guy to girl on subway platform, after Yankees game: I'm a classy guy! I will take you to the fucking Radisson!

–Yankee Stadium Subway Platform

Posted on April 22, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bimbettes, Black People, Boob Job, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Dating, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Family Ties, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Jocks, Junk Food & Fast Food, Love, Money & Class, Offers and requests, One-liners, Parents, Pick-up Lines, President, Public Transportation, Subway stations, platforms, etc., The Village, Thugs, Trains Not Subway, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, White People, Wishes & desires, Yankee Stadium

Genius Is 1% Inspiration and 99% Wednesday One-Liners

Suit on cell: You're stupid enough to swallow a condom but you're smart enough to know you can sue someone.

–69th & York

Overheard by: Eugene

Attractive tall Asian chick with purple hair on cell: There's no way I would be compatible with someone so much smarter than me.

–Joralemon & Columbia, Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: Awesome Mother Fucker

Effeminate young man to lady friend: I think you're street smart when nobody tells you you're street smart.

–C train

Father to son: You are so smart. You are going to be the leader of a cult someday.

–Thompson & Spring

Posted on April 22, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Condoms, Dads, Friends, Girls, Kids, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Psychology, Queer guys, Religion, Soho, Suits, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners

And Lots Cheaper Than Tennis Lessons

Six-year-old girl, with mace in hand: Look, mommy! A mace! Now I can hit unicorns and make them bleed. Death to unicorns!
Mom: That's great, honey.

–8th Ave & Carroll St

Posted on April 21, 2009
Animals & Nature, Brooklyn, Death, Kids, Moms, Murder, Parents, Should've Used a Condom, Weirdness

People Come to New York to Be Bad

Mother to yelling six-year-old son: Alright, that's it. You are not getting a gold star today.
Six-year-old son: I know, I've been bad all day!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: me too!

Posted on April 20, 2009
Kids, Moms, Parents, Penn Station, Should've Used a Condom

Do I Have to Pass a Test?

Three-year-old: Dad, it's raining!
Dad: You're three years old. You don't even know what rain is.

–1st Ave & 4th St

Posted on April 19, 2009
Age/Aging, Kids, Parents, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Weather

'Til After I Met Your Math Teacher

20-something daughter: Mom, how did you know that dad was the one?
Mom: He was the only one I didn't cheat on.

–LIRR, Penn Station

Posted on April 18, 2009
Girls, Infidelity, Love, Moms, Parents, Penn Station, Questions, Trains Not Subway

With This Ring, I Thee Wednesday One-Liner

Middle aged black woman on cell: Does your mother know we're married yet?

–Forever 21, Union Square

Overheard by: Sophie

2nd grader: See! This is what happens when a man marries another man! They get divorced!

–22nd & Lexington

Angry man to woman: They just had to get fucking married two days before fucking Christmas!

–Century 21

Overheard by: Amina

Dejected guy, slumping on stairs: Will you marry me?

–11th St & b/w University Place & Broadway

Overheard by: Alex Bailey

Guy on phone: She already said yes, so I don't have to get her a ring, right? (pause) Well, why do I have to get her a ring if she already said yes?

–18th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: Jessica Bergin

Posted on April 15, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Black People, Breaking Up, Gays and Lesbians, Guys, Insults, Kids, Marriage, Men, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Questions, Store, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Time, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday Feel Trapped in a One-Liner's Body

Ghetto lady to another: Her son is a lesbian!

–Port Authority Bus Station

Suit to friend: Did I ever tell you about the time I ran into a Dunkin Donuts Drive Thru window with a transvestite in my back seat?

–N Train

Overheard by: Tater

Cop: The trannies hate the DVDs. They just can't get along. They hate each other more than the Bloods and the Crips!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Jon A.

Girl on cell: He just turned around and slipped into the skirt, and I just had to tell him! (pause) No, it didn't flatter his figure.

–Avery Fisher Hall, Lincoln Center

Crazy guy, pointing to girl sitting on fireplug: She's a man! That girl's a man! She's a man! Heh, heh…okay, stay there, I'll be right back. (pause) To punch you in the face!

–23rd & 7th

Overheard by: EthanK

Guy on phone: First you wanted to be a car salesman, and now you want to be drag queen?

–31st b/w 9th &10th

Overheard by: roommate of guy on phone