Wednesday One-Liners: Unfiltered.

Chick on cell, not visibly pregnant: I'm having a c-section and a cigarette.

–Simply Natural, 43rd & 10th

Overheard by: Pleased

Recurrent drunkard to bar: I'm not a smoker! I'm a libertarian, for fuck's sake!

–Peter McMannus Pub

LIRR conductor: There will be no pugilism on this train. Additionally, tonight marks the first night of Kwanzaa, and in the spirit of Kwanzaa, I ask you to not smoke on this train. This is the final warning: if you are smoking, you will be ejected at the next convenient stop. Also, no throwing up is allowed on the train. The two places where you may throw up are in the conveniently-located bathrooms, or on yourselves. Again, merry Kwanzaa.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Jenna K

NYU girl: Do you have a cigarette to ease my cough?

–Waverly & Mercer

Chick: Mad Men is like porn for smokers.

–172nd St & Broadway

Overheard by: Ladle

Posted on May 9, 2015
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Celebrations/Parties, Compare/Contrast, Conductors, Drunks, Fighting and ass kicking, Film, Girls, Illness, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Politics, Porn, Preggers, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Public Transportation, Smoking, Store, Students, The Village, Trains Not Subway, Vomit, Washington Heights and Inwood, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Ultralubricated Wednesday One-Liners with a Reservoir Tip

Curly-haired chick: Your condom consumption should not intimidate people.

–Morningside Heights

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Woman: He bought a car? With seven grand you buy condoms… or a house. But a car?

–6 train

Overheard by: Sabrina

Girl on cell: So I’m just at the pharmacy picking up a prescription… [Lowers voice] You know, my pills… What? My pills! You know, those pills I take so that I don’t get pregnant when your dumb ass busts inside me!

–Duane Reade, 34th & Park

Overheard by: Laughing my dumb ass off

Perky girl to friend: Yeah, and then he said, ‘What the heck?’ and flung the condom across the room.

–Astor Pl

20-ish chick: The ribs do nothing for me, but I buy ‘Her pleasure’ condoms for political reasons.

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: Ursula & Winifred

Young girl, panicky: Do you know where I can find the morning-after pill?!

–CVS

Posted on May 6, 2015
Advice, Default, Duane Reade, Girls, Gripes, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Health and Hygiene, Insults, Money & Class, On Cell, On the Subway, Politics, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Store, Union Square and East Village, Williamsburg, Women

50 States plus Wednesday One-liners

Mom: Indiana isn’t a state; I’m not sure it will be on there…Oh.

–JFK

Overheard by: Pierre-FranÃ§ois Dubois

Posted on May 6, 2015
At the Airport, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Etiquette, History & Geography, Manhattan, Money & Class, NYC Geography, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Politics, Real Estate, Stupidity, Suits, Travel, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Wednesday One-Liner: What Is It Good For?

Cleaner: What a pair of tits on that girl! That's why we go to war, that's why we're in Iraq!

–Service Elevator, Lexington & 41st St

Overheard by: Nicky

Annoying chick, about John McCain: I mean, he was a POW because he fucked up!

–Shea Stadium

Overheard by: megan

Security guard, breaking up fight during peace march: You can't fight at the peace march! You can't fight at the peace march!

–143 & Malcolm X

Woman to screaming three-year-old: And that's why you have to register to vote! Or else they'll draft you and you'll have to go to war!

–33rd & 2nd

Girl on phone: I can just get a pass from the Israeli army. Don't worry about it. They're easy.

–NYU Palladium Dining Hall

Posted on May 4, 2015
Blue-collar workers, Compare/Contrast, Elevators, Fighting and ass kicking, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Iraq, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, NYU, On Cell, Politics, Rack, Security Guards, Shea Stadium, Stupidity, War, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Think “Abroad” Sounds Dirty

20-something college student: I saw the movie Australia the other day, and I couldn't understand anything because they all had English accents.

–2 Train

Indian woman with accent, recalling story to husband: So I called up customer service, and right away the woman said "Oh, priti, you must be Indian". I said "No, I am not." I was like "What? Are you kidding me? I call customer service and they put me through to India? Then she said "Have you ever been to India?", I was like "No, I have not, is it nice?"

–Jackson Heights

Overheard by: Marie Z.

10-year-old girl, emoting mockingly for her minder: And I can see *Russia* from my *house*!

–74th & Broadway

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

Woman on cell: It's okay, I've got a plan. We'll move to Mexico, buy a lemonade stand by buying parts from a guy called Javier, earn some money, then smuggle ourselves and our belongings over the border to America, where no one will know what happened.

–5th Ave

30-something to friend: Apparently all of England's problems can't be solved by strangling an old guy!

–Roosevelt Island

Posted on May 1, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Couples, Friends, India Indians, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Language Barrier, Money & Class, Movies, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Politics, Queens, Questions, Street, Students, Stupidity, Tourism, Travel, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

That Makes Judah Benjamin the First Neocon

Girl: Independence Day? I don’t believe people are celebrating it this year, what with the war and everything!
Guy: Yeah…
Girl: I mean people want to celebrate like everything is fine, while we have the worst President ever in office fucking everything up!
Guy: I wouldn’t say that…
Girl: What? How can you say that? Name another President who has done more to fuck up this country?
Guy: Well, we will always have Jefferson Davis.

–Park Slope

Posted on April 21, 2015
Democrats, Holidays, Nicknames & name calling, Park Slope, Politics, President, War

That’s Not Perspective, It’s Communism

Old hippie chick: You know, my friend was saying that when she’s in a line, even if the line doesn’t move, if people line up behind her, she feels like she’s moving forward…you know? Isn’t that so capitalist?
Old hippie guy: That’s not capitalist, it’s perspective.

–Williamsburg

Posted on April 12, 2015
Hippies, Old People, Politics, Williamsburg

America's First Black Wednesday One-Liners

Tranny heading toward Halloween parade, seeing Sarah Palin costume: Oh my god! That's the lady President, right? The assistant President!

–W 4th St Subway Station

(muslim hot dog vendor bows down to pray at 5 pm)
Child in stroller: Look! Look! Mommy! Barack Obama!

–W 60th & Columbus

Overheard by: Brian

Thug, to hot girl passing by: Hey! Yo, girl, excuse me! (she keeps walking) So, you're voting for McCain, then?

–60th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Alex A.

Little girl: I want to vote for Obama…because he's the first black person to run against Bush.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Dana

Sidewalk watch vendor: These are the watches Obama wore before he became Senator!

–33rd St & Broadway

Overheard by: crosstown girl

Little black girl trick-or-treating with family: Two, four, six, eight, who do we appreciate? Obama! Obama!

–Pacific St & Nostrand

Overheard by: Obama Now!

Posted on April 2, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Families, Girls, Islam, Kids, Lies, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Pick-up Lines, Politics, President, Stupidity, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Thugs, Trannies, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

I Assume K-Fed Is Somehow Involved

Private school teen #1: So, did you understand what our Current Issues teacher was talking about with, like, that guy Dick Cheney and the speech he gave on NBC or something?
Private school teen #2: Oh, you mean that drag queen who spoke out against AIDS?
Private school teen #1: Yeah! I think that’s what she’s talking about.

–Union Square

Posted on March 14, 2015
Politics, Students, Union Square and East Village

He Refers to Sarah Palin As “Mama Mia” in Private Moments

Little boy: Mommy, John McCain likes Abba.
Mom: Does he really now? Then you two have something in common.
Little boy: Noooooo!

–College Walk, Columbia University

Posted on March 11, 2015
Boys, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Default, Kids, Moms, Music, Politics

Politics