Ultralubricated Wednesday One-Liners with a Reservoir Tip

Curly-haired chick: Your condom consumption should not intimidate people.

–Morningside Heights

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Woman: He bought a car? With seven grand you buy condoms… or a house. But a car?

–6 train

Overheard by: Sabrina

Girl on cell: So I’m just at the pharmacy picking up a prescription… [Lowers voice] You know, my pills… What? My pills! You know, those pills I take so that I don’t get pregnant when your dumb ass busts inside me!

–Duane Reade, 34th & Park

Overheard by: Laughing my dumb ass off

Perky girl to friend: Yeah, and then he said, ‘What the heck?’ and flung the condom across the room.

–Astor Pl

20-ish chick: The ribs do nothing for me, but I buy ‘Her pleasure’ condoms for political reasons.

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: Ursula & Winifred

Young girl, panicky: Do you know where I can find the morning-after pill?!

–CVS

Posted on May 6, 2015
Advice, Default, Duane Reade, Girls, Gripes, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Health and Hygiene, Insults, Money & Class, On Cell, On the Subway, Politics, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Store, Union Square and East Village, Williamsburg, Women

50 States plus Wednesday One-liners

Mom: Indiana isn’t a state; I’m not sure it will be on there…Oh.

–JFK

Overheard by: Pierre-FranÃ§ois Dubois

Posted on May 6, 2015
At the Airport, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Etiquette, History & Geography, Manhattan, Money & Class, NYC Geography, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Politics, Real Estate, Stupidity, Suits, Travel, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Wednesday One-Liner: What Is It Good For?

Cleaner: What a pair of tits on that girl! That's why we go to war, that's why we're in Iraq!

–Service Elevator, Lexington & 41st St

Overheard by: Nicky

Annoying chick, about John McCain: I mean, he was a POW because he fucked up!

–Shea Stadium

Overheard by: megan

Security guard, breaking up fight during peace march: You can't fight at the peace march! You can't fight at the peace march!

–143 & Malcolm X

Woman to screaming three-year-old: And that's why you have to register to vote! Or else they'll draft you and you'll have to go to war!

–33rd & 2nd

Girl on phone: I can just get a pass from the Israeli army. Don't worry about it. They're easy.

–NYU Palladium Dining Hall

Posted on May 4, 2015
Blue-collar workers, Compare/Contrast, Elevators, Fighting and ass kicking, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Iraq, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, NYU, On Cell, Politics, Rack, Security Guards, Shea Stadium, Stupidity, War, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Think “Abroad” Sounds Dirty

20-something college student: I saw the movie Australia the other day, and I couldn't understand anything because they all had English accents.

–2 Train

Indian woman with accent, recalling story to husband: So I called up customer service, and right away the woman said "Oh, priti, you must be Indian". I said "No, I am not." I was like "What? Are you kidding me? I call customer service and they put me through to India? Then she said "Have you ever been to India?", I was like "No, I have not, is it nice?"

–Jackson Heights

Overheard by: Marie Z.

10-year-old girl, emoting mockingly for her minder: And I can see *Russia* from my *house*!

–74th & Broadway

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

Woman on cell: It's okay, I've got a plan. We'll move to Mexico, buy a lemonade stand by buying parts from a guy called Javier, earn some money, then smuggle ourselves and our belongings over the border to America, where no one will know what happened.

–5th Ave

30-something to friend: Apparently all of England's problems can't be solved by strangling an old guy!

–Roosevelt Island

Posted on May 1, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Couples, Friends, India Indians, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Language Barrier, Money & Class, Movies, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Politics, Queens, Questions, Street, Students, Stupidity, Tourism, Travel, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

That Makes Judah Benjamin the First Neocon

Girl: Independence Day? I don’t believe people are celebrating it this year, what with the war and everything!
Guy: Yeah…
Girl: I mean people want to celebrate like everything is fine, while we have the worst President ever in office fucking everything up!
Guy: I wouldn’t say that…
Girl: What? How can you say that? Name another President who has done more to fuck up this country?
Guy: Well, we will always have Jefferson Davis.

–Park Slope

Posted on April 21, 2015
Democrats, Holidays, Nicknames & name calling, Park Slope, Politics, President, War

That’s Not Perspective, It’s Communism

Old hippie chick: You know, my friend was saying that when she’s in a line, even if the line doesn’t move, if people line up behind her, she feels like she’s moving forward…you know? Isn’t that so capitalist?
Old hippie guy: That’s not capitalist, it’s perspective.

–Williamsburg

Posted on April 12, 2015
Hippies, Old People, Politics, Williamsburg

America's First Black Wednesday One-Liners

Tranny heading toward Halloween parade, seeing Sarah Palin costume: Oh my god! That's the lady President, right? The assistant President!

–W 4th St Subway Station

(muslim hot dog vendor bows down to pray at 5 pm)
Child in stroller: Look! Look! Mommy! Barack Obama!

–W 60th & Columbus

Overheard by: Brian

Thug, to hot girl passing by: Hey! Yo, girl, excuse me! (she keeps walking) So, you're voting for McCain, then?

–60th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Alex A.

Little girl: I want to vote for Obama…because he's the first black person to run against Bush.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Dana

Sidewalk watch vendor: These are the watches Obama wore before he became Senator!

–33rd St & Broadway

Overheard by: crosstown girl

Little black girl trick-or-treating with family: Two, four, six, eight, who do we appreciate? Obama! Obama!

–Pacific St & Nostrand

Overheard by: Obama Now!

Posted on April 2, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Families, Girls, Islam, Kids, Lies, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Pick-up Lines, Politics, President, Stupidity, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Thugs, Trannies, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

I Assume K-Fed Is Somehow Involved

Private school teen #1: So, did you understand what our Current Issues teacher was talking about with, like, that guy Dick Cheney and the speech he gave on NBC or something?
Private school teen #2: Oh, you mean that drag queen who spoke out against AIDS?
Private school teen #1: Yeah! I think that’s what she’s talking about.

–Union Square