Wednesday One-Liners Are Just Gravy

20-something girl to another: You know, with most of the other saints, the way they met their demise had no entertainment value!

–Morningside Heights

Woman to guy, nodding thoughtfully: Hell, no, I'm not going to jail! I don't care if he killed him, he's not gonna kill me too!

–Crown Heights

Grandpa wearing Brooklyn dodgers cap to grandson: Listen to me! Are you listening to me? The last two guys who didn't listen to me ended up dead with their heads blown off! Is that what you want? (pause) So… You hungry?

–IKEA Parking, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Gene D. Gray

30-something guy: If I were 28, in great shape, and everyone loved me, I wouldn't just be in trouble with the law, I'd be dead.

–Mooncake Foods, Soho

Overheard by: Robert

Crazy Puerto Rican with wild poodle: Mira! Mira! Cancel the fucking casket–she ain't dead yet, bitch! Mira!

–86th St & East End

Posted on July 14, 2010
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Crime and Punishment, Death, Families, Girls, Grocery Stores, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Insults, Murder, Old People, One-liners, Physical appearance, Prison, Puerto Ricans, Questions, Religion, Soho, Street, Stupidity, Threats, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Wishes & desires, Women

Isn't That the Real America?

Instructor: Those people outside are crazy, wearing big ol' leather boots in this kind of heat!
Student: Maybe they're from Texas?
Instructor: Nah, they looked pretty American to me.

–Beauty School, 35th & 8th

Overheard by: Bean

Posted on July 13, 2010
Foreigners, Heat, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Physical appearance, Questions, School, Shoes, Students, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, U.S. Geography

White People Will Not Let Reggae Die

Woman #1, watching drunks sing Redemption Song: What do you think these guys do for a living?
Woman #2: Whatever it is, they're not happy about it.

–Broome St.

Overheard by: Emily B.

Posted on July 13, 2010
Drinking & Drunk People, Happiness, Jobs & Careers, Questions, Singing, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Women

And None Of Us Are Dead

Tiara'd bachelorette #1: I'll take a photo.
Tiara'd bachelorette #2: What? Of us just walking?
Tiara'd bachelorette #1: Yeah, like the Beatles.
Tiara'd bachelorette #3: But there aren't five of us.

–2nd St b/w 1st & 2nd Ave

Posted on July 12, 2010
About Celebrities, Compare/Contrast, Music, Pictures, Questions, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Women

Dads Just Love the Custodial Weekends

Little girl walking in wedding dress: Where now?
Dad: Okay, so we'll take the stairs to the subway and…
Little girl: Oh no! Not the stairs. No! I'm not taking the stairs. You can't make me. And the subway…? (scoffs at dad)

–Port Authority

Overheard by: WalkonBystander

Posted on July 12, 2010
Dads, Directions, Kids, Parents, Port Authority, Public Transportation, Questions

…Or, Like, a Sex Thing?

Customer: Do you accept AmEx?
Cashier: Is that a credit card?

–Century 21

Posted on July 12, 2010
Cashiers, Customers, Money & Class, Questions, Shopping, Store, Stupidity

A Collapse Of the Food Chain Means No More Grilled Meat, Jennifer

Woman #1: I'm, like, really starting to get concerned about this oil spill thing because of the effect on like the environment.
Woman#2: Why? Do you dive?

–Women's Bathroom, Churrascaria Tribeca

Overheard by: Valerie

Posted on July 11, 2010
Accidents, Animals & Nature, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sports, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Women

Doing This Job Is Enough to Make Anyone Hate Comedy.

Comedy girl: Hey! Do you like stand-up comedy?
20-something power-walking girl: I hate comedy.
Comedy guy: I love you!

–48th & 7th

Posted on July 8, 2010
Flyer people, Gripes, Love, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Questions, Strangers, Theater & Dance

“The Cuisine Is Forceful and Yet Airy!” Raves The New York Times

Construction worker #1: It calls itself a “gastropub.” What is that?
Construction worker #2: Gives ya gas.

–John St & Cliff St

Overheard by: Ramon Santos

Posted on July 8, 2010
Construction Guys, Questions, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Words

Um, Because I Have All Your Medication?

Middle-aged daughter: You have my permission to not talk to me for the rest of the day.
Ninety-year-old mother: Why the hell would I want to talk to you anyway?

–R Train

Overheard by: New York State of Mind

Posted on July 8, 2010
Comebacks, Family Ties, Moms, Old People, On the Subway, Parents, Questions, Women

Questions