Stop Fighting This Instant or We Will Turn These Wednesday One-Liners Around and Go Home!

British tourist to misbehaving child: Do you want a smacked bottom now or the other thing when we get home?

–Central Park

Overheard by: birdw0rks

Mom to kid playing on shopping cart: You'd better stop that, or you're going to fall and crack your head, and I'm going to laugh, cuz I told you so.

–Grocery Store

Father to four-year-old son: Watch out, these people are trying to kill us.

–36th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: benny

Guy to son who is hesitant about seat in theater: If I had been this choosy with your mom, you wouldn't be here!

–Park Slope, Brooklyn

Mother to daughter: I don't want to hear about your hunger pangs right now. Now turn around and look at the sea lions.

–Central Park Zoo

Overheard by: kathcom

Posted on December 2, 2009
Accidents, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Ass, Brits, Central Park, Crime and Punishment, Dads, Foreigners, Grocery Stores, Guys, Kids, Laughter, Moms, Murder, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, One-liners, Paranoia, Parents, Park Slope, Parks, Questions, Should've Used a Condom, Street, Theater, Threats, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Bless Me, Father, for I Have Wednesday One-Linered

Man in cowboy hat, looking at large crowd surrounding a Jew for Jesus: Man, I can't compete with religion, all I got are card tricks! This sucks!

–Union Square

Overheard by: SilentRaver

Guy on cell: Why, is it because it's the blacks? (pause) Oh, I get it. It's the Baptists.

–Cosi, 13th & Broadway

Overheard by: Heather

Crazy creepster, going up to Catholic girls and screaming: Catholic schoolgirls rule!

–R Train

Overheard by: Amanduh

Tall, 40-something guy on cell: I don't know… I don't think I can go drunk to church.

–53rd St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Midtown Schmidtown

Woman: My husband is pissed because I skipped church for this shit!

–Medieval Festival, Ft. Tryon Park

Posted on December 2, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Bars & Clubs, Catholics, Christianity, Church, Crazies, Creepsters, Drinking & Drunk People, Family Ties, Gripes, Guys, Jesus, Judaism, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Questions, Race, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Washington Heights and Inwood, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

So Fuck You

Drunk Southern chick: And I knew that when he said “fuck you” it was over… You'd never say that to me, would you?
Sober Southern guy: (stares blankly)
Drunk Southern chick: Yeah, I know you would.

–Lower East Side

Overheard by: I Agree With Him

Posted on November 30, 2009
Breaking Up, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Insults, Lower East Side, Questions, Southerners, Words

She's a Huge Mariah Carey Fan.

Gen X chick #1: Why are you looking at radishes?
Gen X chick #2: I find vegetables interesting.

–Greenmarket, Union Square

Overheard by: stephie

Posted on November 29, 2009
Food, Girls, Questions, Union Square and East Village

Believing the Insane Are Touched by God, Vendors Leave Them Alone

Vendor, brandishing CD: Where are you from?
Girl in anime shirt and Naruto headband: I'm from Naruto!
(vendor walks away)

–46th St & Broadway

Posted on November 29, 2009
Girls, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Pop Culture, Questions, Vendors & Street Performers

The Way I Mess Around with Yours?

Hobo: Don't you have a heart?
Girl: No.
Hobo: It's a shame.

–48th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Colleen

Posted on November 28, 2009
Body Parts, Girls, Hobos, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Questions

That Diva's Been in the Dressing Room for Two Hours

Dude in white SUV to girl in inexplicably long line outside Macy's: What are you waiting for?
Girl in line: Jesus!

–34th St

Overheard by: Emz0r

Posted on November 28, 2009
Girls, Guys, Jesus, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Questions

So Much for McDonald's and the Global Village

Soft spoken Greek man at McDonald's counter: Excuse me, do you have breakfast?
Large uninterested lady employee: Honey, we got all the breakfast you want. (points to pictures)
Soft spoken Greek man: Uhm… where is this breakfast?
Lady employee, getting mad: Right up here–anything you want!
Soft spoken man Greek man: So what kind of omelet are you serving today?

–La Guardia Airport

Overheard by: David