Chick: We had a great sex life — fuckin’ all the time… Then I find out that he is calling the free exotic party line… I mean, all the time.
Dude: He’s a loser if he spends all his time doing it… Will you have sex with me now?
–2 train
Overheard by: aeongirl777
Skinny Spanish girl: That nigga was saying how he had me moaning and screaming, but I was like, "nigga, I'm just loud–that doesn't mean you're good!"
–Ft. Hamilton Parkway, Brooklyn
Overheard by: also loud
Ghetto chick to friend: Yo…in my country, it's illegal to not please your woman. You gotta fuck her till she begs you to stop.
–116th & 1st
Overheard by: DonnaRae
Man on phone: Yeah…I just fingerblasted her for like an hour. No big deal.
–E 4th St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: intern2
Mom to teenage son: And I was like "sure, have sex in my bed, it never sees any."
–Mercer & W 3rd
Girl on cell: Oh no, he's back fucking his secretary now, so I'm like, completely free!
–East Village
20-something on cell, after loud graphic sex tale: And don't you be telling anyone! I don't like strangers knowing my business.
–Express Bus to Brooklyn
Jewish girl: She signs up for JDate, goes out to dinner, and is engaged in four months. I sign up for JDate, and I go out to dinner with a duck. What the hell!
–Astoria
Suit on cell: That's what you get when you start dating at age 18 while volunteering in a Croatian refugee camp.
–M66 Bus
Female 30-something suit: Why would you think I don't have taste in men just because I'd do a guy with a hook, or a guy in a wheelchair?
–31st & Crescent, Astoria
Loud woman on cell: It's called "communication," Larry! Communication! You are such an idiot!
–3rd Ave b/w 40th & 41st
Overheard by: Tom
College guy to friend: I don't understand it, man. Every time I go out with this girl, like her vagina is showing.
–8th St & University
Man on cell: 26 years? Damn! After 26 days, I'd be all like, "bitch, I love you and all, but the next word that comes outta yo mouth, I'm gonna have to bash yo head in with a frying pan. I'm sicka hearin' the sound of yo voice!" No, of course I don' mean that, baby.
–JFK Airport
Overheard by: Riot
Man walking dog: Yo, take a shit right here.
–Houston & Mangin
Overheard by: How about a little to the left?
Woman to her gang-banging pug dog: Everyone can have love together!
–Prospect Park
Overheard by: riana
Man to Yorkie, tugging at leash outside porn shop: You don’t want to go in there. Nothing you could use in there… Hmmm, except maybe the rubber goods.
–28th & 8th
Overheard by: Chuckell
Upset man to black lab walking sheepishly beside him: They didn’t want you in there because you’re black, and they should have the guts to say so! We should go back to that fucking place and burn it down! [Pats pooch on head.] Good girl. You’re a good girl. [They start walking away again, and man mutters to himself] Motherfuckers.
–W 4th St
Yuppie lady: When all is said and done, I was drunk in Banana Republic…
–51st & Lexington
Overheard by: Karen Adverb
Guy on cell: Yo baby, you better be keeping that pussy wet for me.
–Fulton & Gold
Overheard by: Prof A
Chick #1: I went back on birth control this month. I’m using the Ring, except I don’t know if I’m using it right. I don’t want to take it out every time we have sex.
Chick #2: Wait, you shouldn’t have to take it out during sex.
Chick #1: That’s what I thought. Except, maybe I’m using it wrong, but I had sex and then afterward we couldn’t find it.
Chick #2: It can’t get lost up there!
Chick #1: It went so far up my cooter. And I swear I must have put my whole fist in there to fish it out.
Chick #2: There’s nowhere for it to go! It can’t get past your cervix.
Chick #1: How far up is my cervix?
Chick #2: Well, depends how long your vagina is. I think everyone’s is different. Maybe you have, like, a subway tunnel in there.
–Bleecker Playground
Overheard by: LMF
Blond: How do you spell “Columbus”? Is it with a “u”?
Brunette: Yeah.
Blond: Right, it's the country that is spelled the other way.
(pause)
Brunette: You know I never recognized the two were spelled different until you just asked that.
Blond: I only know because I slept with Colombians.
–A Train
Awkward NYU guy: So, last night I watched two movies.
Awkward NYU chick: Cool. By the way, what are you doing these next few nights? I need a night where I’m guaranteed to get laid.
Awkward NYU guy: Oh, well, tonight I have to do my writing the essay homework.
Awkward NYU chick: Sorry to be so blunt, but I just love how you’re always available.
Awkward NYU guy: Yeah, I’m like an RA — I’m always on call.
–Faye’s Starbucks, Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Emily
Hardcore guy #1, after receiving text: Oh, he says he's out chilling with his sister at Union Pool. (pause) I should go over there and fuck her!
Hardcore guy #2: What?
Hardcore guy #1: Whatever! I'm a sister fucker!
–Graham Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Me Too.
